signthedotted Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Hello, first posting here. I've come for some advice, because what's been happening has been eating me up inside. So - long story short, boy (23) and girl (20) meet. They move quickly into a relationship, things go from great to bad within a year. Boy leaves girl. Girl is distraight (i'm the girl). After months of therapy and working on myself, I was finally starting to feel better and more alive again. Then one day I get an email from boy. Boy goes on to tell me he just wanted to check on me and that he is seeing someone new. Like an idiot, I express my true feelings for him, I very much love him. And he says, i'm sorry I don't love you anymore. I block him, I cry, a few days pass and I get another email, saying he wants to talk about another chance. We talk, he broke up with the other girl, says he wants to take it slow. Next day he asks me to spend the night, once again like an idiot, I went and slept at his apartment, there was kissing and touching and such. The next day we text a little. Then he goes cold. For nearly 3 days. I finally text him and say, "we need to be honest with each other if we want to try again, and honestly not talking for days will hurt me." He basically says okay. Two days go bye and I honestly can't take it anymore. I message him saying I felt used, and like he wasn't being serious. I told him I felt anxious and scared. He goes on to respond by saying, "You're pushing me away. I told you we were going slow" then he said "I want to be friends with potential. I'm not going to commit to you for a while. or to anyone for that matter." I responded with "i'm great, i deserve better." and that was the end of that. He blocked me on social media, and I think my phone number too. I emailed him today saying, "We can be friends..." but now I feel scared and anxious again. I don't know what to do. I want a real second chance, but I don't know how to get one. Or even if I should... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebaird Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 "i'm great, i deserve better." I think this is your truth. You DO deserve better, and based on your post I honestly don't think you'll get it from this guy. I know it hurts like hell, but I don't think friendship with him is going to be the gateway to romantic bliss that you want it to be. I think it will only lead to pain. I wish I could tell you otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frenchy37 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Don't be friends. Look out for you. Put yourself first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Take a step back. This won't be the greatest to hear. He leaves you finds another girl. It's not working out. He sends out a feeler for you. He knows he has you. He has the confidence to break up with his new woman. Or at least not deal with the heart break cause he has you. He broke up with you for a reason. You pushing and he is already back where he was when he broke up with you in the first place. That's at least how I see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I can understand this from both points of view., sort of. I mean, he left and went onto another girl but came back and gave your the impression that there is a chance, though he says he wants to take things slow. You do seem like you're somewhat pushing, and you did chase him. But I'm not sure if he's being entirely fair to you either. It does sound as though he did use you, spending the night with someone isn't exactly going slow. On the other hand, you allowed him to treat you like this. I know that the heart wants what the heart wants and it can make us accept less than what we deserve and it can make us act desperately when we normally wouldn't have. But I think for now, you need to back away, realise that this is more than likely over for good and start coming to accept that. he's not the only man in the world and it time you will heal from this. But to continue chasing him, isn't working either. I am sorry you're hurting like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
signthedotted Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 I promised myself that after the email I wouldn't contact him again. I've been told i'm "Too Nice". I just don't want him to feel alone or hurt. Even though I feel that way...I guess I just had hope. But I do think you're right. I've got to stop chasing him and just move on. Thank you for your response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
signthedotted Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 You're right. I think it would just a cycle. Even if he did ever come back. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Friends with an ex is not as easy as it sounds. Think how you'd feel if you saw him flirting with other women or he told you about his other women...and you'd have no right to tell him anything because hey...you're just friends, he doesn't owe you anything in that regard. It's a very bad feeling, trust me. Try to move on, and if he really misses you at some point he will make it known to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 He's not your friend, OP. Nothing about the way he's behaved is friendly. You definitely need to go NC to get some space and perspective to heal from this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nnkle Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 You deserve better and just know your relationship can't go back to the way it was . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Sorry to hear this. What were the reasons for the breakup and how did it go "from good to bad"? Once someone says this it's game over: "And he says, i'm sorry I don't love you anymore". This is a hilarious twist on fwb: "I want to be friends with potential" He wanted to use you after he got dumped and when you called him out on it his response was "You're pushing me away"? He's not a friend, he's a jerk. Go strict no contact and delete and block him.things go from great to bad within a year. he broke up with the other girl, Next day he asks me to spend the night, once again like an idiot, I went and slept at his apartment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
signthedotted Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 Sorry to hear this. What were the reasons for the breakup and how did it go "from good to bad"? We fought a lot. He would call me clingy if I wanted to see him too much. He would confuse me by saying we'd get married and have a future, then if a problem ever arouse he would get really angry and threaten to break up with me. It was a hard time for me. It still is. I feel like I gave so much of myself, I guess that's why I was hoping it would work again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Being yanked back and forth this way is controlling and manipulative. Honestly, you dodged a bullet. It will take time to heal, but you will and even better, you have your freedom from all this to find a decent guy.He would confuse me by saying we'd get married and have a future, then if a problem ever arouse he would get really angry and threaten to break up with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Friends with potential is friends with benefits. He dosn't even talk to you. He's not your friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Very creative, though. Adds a string-along twist to fwb. lolFriends with potential is friends with benefits. ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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