90_hour_sleep Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 yikes...yep. i'm kinda there. well...not yet...but i can see it going there. i don't tend to sit lightly on these kinds of things. doing my best to consider the sides. how would i feel if i changed shoes? how do people feel about this? seems like a mixed bag. most people in my immediate world are the type to say, ''just go with it. be honest. consider everyone involved. manage expectations.'' something along those lines. people connect. they disconnect. would it ruin some friendships? i don't know. it might. and that's probably where the other school of thought would chime in. there are plenty of fish in the sea. is worth ruining a friendship? people have opinions on this one...so share, please! i'm not looking for answers. more, perspectives that i haven't considered. how do you feel about these kinds of things? someone will ask for context...so here it is. they're both my friends. neither is closer than the other, really. fairly recent separation. i don't know all of the specifics. only going on what either has offered...no desire to pry into it. i knew both of them separately before they were together. have separate friendships with both. always have had. is that enough? thanks in advance. i'm in the land of sketchy internet...so i might not reply. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 How good a friend is he and is he over her? How amazing is she and is she worth it? A balancing act for sure. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 You should talk to your friend and see if he approves. If he does not, I'd have to take that into consideration. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 sleepy.. Fairly recent? That alone, forget the friend's ex thing, is enough to make me pause. I've never seen anything wrong with this, barring an exception. The first one being how long it's been since they've split. If either one of them are still in grief land...It's dismissive of the friend and/or you run the risk of being the rebound shoulder. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I personally wouldnt date any recent ex (and especially if it was serious relationship) of somebody I'd call "friend". Link to comment
Clio Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 I would not do that to a friend. And I would end the friendship if that was done to me. End of story. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 How good a friend is he and is he over her? How amazing is she and is she worth it? A balancing act for sure. are you suggesting that there are circumstances where you'd feel the risk was worthwhile? Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 You should talk to your friend and see if he approves. If he does not, I'd have to take that into consideration. he's travelling right now...but i've thought about talking to him. small communities. people talk. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Sure. Would you forgo on the love of your life for an acquaintance you had some beers with, no right? Would you betray your best friend just for a fling, no, right? So it depends.are you suggesting that there are circumstances where you'd feel the risk was worthwhile? Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 sleepy.. Fairly recent? That alone, forget the friend's ex thing, is enough to make me pause. I've never seen anything wrong with this, barring an exception. The first one being how long it's been since they've split. If either one of them are still in grief land...It's dismissive of the friend and/or you run the risk of being the rebound shoulder. i've paused big time. the whole thing just sort of landed in my lap...before i really had time to consider it all. i've been gone from this place for awhile now...so things have happened since i was last here. i'm more worried about hurting a friend than i am about possibly being a rebound. i suspect she's long since detached emotionally...and she has spent some serious time being with herself. that much i know. he's in grief land, i think...or anger land possibly. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 Sure. Would you forgo on the love of your life for an acquaintance you had some beers with, no right? Would you betray your best friend just for a fling, no, right? So it depends. yep. all about context. of course...it's somewhere in between those extremes. best friend...no. but someone i respect and appreciate. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted December 23, 2016 Author Share Posted December 23, 2016 thanks for chiming in, folks. some thoughts to sit with. cheers Link to comment
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