NC log - a place to vent

[KMO7970]

And your ex will text you. If my ex, the one who told me to leave him alone for good, texted me....yours will too...but it's never good to expect them to message again. Good to go NC thinking they never will.

 

YES! And they always do it at what feels like the precise moment that we just don't care anymore

[Whocares479]

I have the same fear usually....usually after two weeks of NC, I start to wonder if he'll ever text me or that I'm just completely forgotten. It's as if he can feel this fear of mine, and he texts. But I realized that they're afraid of being forgotten too. That's why he comes back...just to check I'm not over him, to remind me of him. You're right, though, it's our expectations of their messages that disappoint us in the end. He came back with the "I miss you so much, miss cuddling, miss going out with you, miss everything with you" the time I went NC before this....and I was sure he wanted to get back together, but nope....he didn't want anything. Just came back to tell me he didn't want a relationship still. Words mean nothing. Now I don't care if he messages again because I will ignore. He will not ruin my happiness and calmness again. Your ex won't forget you. You can learn from my mistakes

 

5 days is good...it gets easier and easier. We all want our exes to message us to validate that we meant something. And they do text in the end, someday. They get curious, they wonder, they text.....but it doesn't mean anything will change. I'm nowhere where I want to be (but getting there slowly) because I keep messing up, but messing up every time teaches me something better...and makes it easier for me to move on. And your ex will text you. If my ex, the one who told me to leave him alone for good, texted me....yours will too...but it's never good to expect them to message again. Good to go NC thinking they never will.

 

I know I should let go of that hope, and honestly I don't think it would be good if he was to text me now because I truly feel I will respond. And all he will do is make me feel good for three days max and then hurt me again. I don't know, I feel silly. I've tried every approach to get rid of my clingyness. The whole "I don't care approach" sort of worked while we were trying to be friends, however, as soon as he would show me more attention I would reciprocate which would cause him to back off again ugh. Thinking back, he loved to played little games. I was stupid, however, you live and you learn. I'm so happy you replied! It's nice to hear you're doing well. I have a question, if your ex was truly willing to work things out and change would you take him back?

[lovelyworld]

I know I should let go of that hope, and honestly I don't think it would be good if he was to text me now because I truly feel I will respond. And all he will do is make me feel good for three days max and then hurt me again. I don't know, I feel silly. I've tried every approach to get rid of my clingyness. The whole "I don't care approach" sort of worked while we were trying to be friends, however, as soon as he would show me more attention I would reciprocate which would cause him to back off again ugh. Thinking back, he loved to played little games. I was stupid, however, you live and you learn. I'm so happy you replied! It's nice to hear you're doing well. I have a question, if your ex was truly willing to work things out and change would you take him back?

 

Yes, my ex is the same way. At first I wouldn't act interested, then he shows interest and gives me sweet comments, and the moment I show interest back...he backs off. They only want to know you still have feelings for them. He told me one day he's somewhat over me, and the next he said he wasn't over me and that he just said that so we can stop arguing. So, I have no time for games anymore. I don't care if he thinks I have feelings for him or not...just trying to get over him now. Don't feel silly....been through what you went through, I feel that high with him when he first contacts for about the first 2 days, then it sucks after it. We have to break this cycle.

 

But to answer your question, I want to say no. My relationship was on and off. So I know for a fact it will end again someday. Also, I don't think I can forgive him for all of the things he made me go through this time. BUT......it sucks I still have feelings for him deep down. I still miss him sometimes. Still think of the memories. It really would take a lot of work from him to convince me to get back with him again. But I want to say no to getting back with him. I feel happier these days. Working on myself. I'm still young, don't want to look back on my 20s and see how much time I've wasted on a silly guy.

 

There are so many helpful books I've been listening to and reading....and they have changed the way I see everything. Maybe it will help you as well Is this your first time NC? How long since breakup?

[Whocares479]

This isn't technically my first time doing NC, but this is my first time following by the true rules of it. I never knew it was an actual thing out there that you follow lol. It's been a month since we actually broke up but we were still in contact due to me breaking NC, so the feelings stayed there. I was played to the point of no return, I'm embarassed to tell my friend the truth. He basically reject my offer to become a couple again and said he doesn't see a future with me then later the same day flirted and told me I was the woman of his dreams, then the next day he let me go. Im so hurt but I feel content. Idk this last goodbye seemed to not leave me with any unanswered questions. What are the books?

[Juniper88]

Day 5.

Today is hard. Harder than the previous 4. All I want to do is text you the silly jokes we used to have. Talk about our holidays we had planned and go back to how it was.

I know it can't. I know it shouldn't. But right now that's all I want.

I cleaned out the house yesterday. I bought new bedding, threw your stuff away. Every room of that house reminds me of you. It kills me knowing you're just out there. Doing fine. And I'll probably never see you again. After 4 years. I hate this feeling but just keep plodding along. 1 week soon. Hopefully then it will feel better.

[Whocares479]

Day 5.

Today is hard. Harder than the previous 4. All I want to do is text you the silly jokes we used to have. Talk about our holidays we had planned and go back to how it was.

I know it can't. I know it shouldn't. But right now that's all I want.

I cleaned out the house yesterday. I bought new bedding, threw your stuff away. Every room of that house reminds me of you. It kills me knowing you're just out there. Doing fine. And I'll probably never see you again. After 4 years. I hate this feeling but just keep plodding along. 1 week soon. Hopefully then it will feel better.

 

What happened between you two?

[Juniper88]

What happened between you two?

 

He out of the blue broke up with me because "we want different things" and I can't "give him what he needs". He said that he thinks I need to "find myself" and basically every other cliché. But the morning he ended it he was telling me he loved me. We'd been at his parents the night before and he was talking about the holiday we had booked in August and my birthday in may. That was 3 weeks ago. It took him a while to move his stuff out and I've been NC since Wednesday when he got the last of his stuff (not that he's tried to contact). It just feels so surreal.

Reading all the positive outcomes here and how it gets easier it helpful though!

[Whocares479]

He out of the blue broke up with me because "we want different things" and I can't "give him what he needs". He said that he thinks I need to "find myself" and basically every other cliché. But the morning he ended it he was telling me he loved me. We'd been at his parents the night before and he was talking about the holiday we had booked in August and my birthday in may. That was 3 weeks ago. It took him a while to move his stuff out and I've been NC since Wednesday when he got the last of his stuff (not that he's tried to contact). It just feels so surreal.

Reading all the positive outcomes here and how it gets easier it helpful though!

 

I'm so sorry, honestly he sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't want him to ever speak to me again tbh but I know how hard it is. I'm just a day ahead of you far as NC and this day is the hardest. I miss him so much but if he wanted me he would of told me. Are they sitting around counting the days of us not speaking to them? Probably not, so we need to get out enjoy life. There's better out there for us!

[Juniper88]

Thanks. He is sometimes. Need to focus on that and not fall into the trap of the good times!

What happened in your situation? You sound like you're doing well. Keep going!

I definitely agree. If they wanted us they wouldn't have acted the way they have so we have to keep our heads high and trust the right person is out there. And in the meantime we can show ourselves that we are enough and can be our own happiness.

[Whocares479]

Thanks. He is sometimes. Need to focus on that and not fall into the trap of the good times!

What happened in your situation? You sound like you're doing well. Keep going!

I definitely agree. If they wanted us they wouldn't have acted the way they have so we have to keep our heads high and trust the right person is out there. And in the meantime we can show ourselves that we are enough and can be our own happiness.

 

Thank you, and well basically after me getting attached he said he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. It literally tore me to pieces. You live and you learn. Honestly, it was a blessing he broke up with me because now I can focus on myself not him. How are you today?

[KMO7970]

Today is hard for me. It's only day 13, and we haven't even been broken up for an entire month yet. I'm in the process of selling my house and moving, and I just wish I could tell him all about it, vent when necessary, etc. I miss the friendship more than the dating part of what we had, possibly because the friendship part was much longer. We told each other EVERYTHING. Yes, I have talked to plenty of my friends about things, but I do miss talking to HIM.

 

I could text him, and he would be friendly about it, but I don't see the point in that. I won't chase anyone down to be my friend, and he hasn't reached out. He told me we need time to heal before we even try to be friends. While I agree, I can't help but think that, as the dumper, he probably doesn't need the time to heal. That in itself hurts. Ugh.

[Scotty123]

So I find myself back on this site again !!! I haven't been here for over 3 years. I am now 48 !!!!!!! and single again.

 

I really really wonder why I bother getting into relationships at all ??

 

So just to explain, the relationship that ended a week ago today was the one I finally thought would be the last one, the one that I would spend the rest of my life in, so I'm very sad and today found it really hard. I had finally found someone who shared my core values, someone who really understood me and someone who I thought I knew too.

 

Don't get me wrong the relationship had it's issues but I thought we were both mature enough to talk about them and work through them. We had planned to get married, even chosen rings and a venue....talked about colours and all that stuff !!

 

The biggest issue was that my kids didn't get on with her and that caused real problems. I am very clear about the fact that my kids needs come before my own. I just beleive that is the way life should be and if that means that an adult needs to forgo something they want, well so be it. The adult in the situation needs to suck it up ! But she didn't agree with that. She thought I was weak and gave into my children too much. (too much time ... not things !!) When we started seeing each other they were 11 and 12 .... now 14 and 16. This was always a big problem.

 

Whenever I put the needs of the kids in front of her needs she felt negected and abandoned. To give a bit of context, my kids have no one apart from me .... no other parent, no grandparents ... just me. I am all they have in the whole and I must always have their back.

 

So basically we met up a week ago today and she ended the relationship. She told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me but she thought I am emotionally unavailable. She said there was no room in my life for her needs. And she may be right .... but it was what she said next that just really upset me !!

 

She said, you know what I'm like, I will need to keep busy she I'll be out there looking for my next relationship ... and do you have any advice for my next relationship .... then again "I love you "!!!!!!! I mean really ... in the middle of breaking up our 3 year, serious relationship she tells me she is just off to find her next one !!!! I just thought that was so unbeleivably heartless. Does she have no compasion at all ????

 

So after it all I drove home and checked on facebook cause she said we would have to do all that breaking contact and stuff. But my drive home would have been faster than hers but by the time I got home she had already deleted me from facebook !! Cut me out her life before the seat I sat in was even cold !!! I was so annoyed that. After all the "I love you" stuff I just felt that she had cast me aside without a second thought.

 

And like everyone here it is the loss of the possible future that upsets me the most. I'm no spring chicken and just don't think I have the heart to bother with any future relationships so am trying to get my head around the rest of my life alone. I know I am cabable of living alone for the rest of my life, I just never wanted to.

 

Anyway, it's been a week and I have deleted and blocked her from everything possible !!! I did have to send back some of her stuff from my house and I she needs to come and pick up a couple of bikes. So I asked her to tell me when she will come over and pick them up (I'm not driving them too her !!!) and I plan to put them in my garden, securely, then I will be out for the day when she comes over so that I don't need to see her. I am hoping .. planning never to see her again. Which is so sad as 8 days ago we were planning to get married

 

Thanks for giving me a place to vent !!!

[GeekLover]

So I find myself back on this site again !!! I haven't been here for over 3 years. I am now 48 !!!!!!! and single again.

 

I really really wonder why I bother getting into relationships at all ??

 

So just to explain, the relationship that ended a week ago today was the one I finally thought would be the last one, the one that I would spend the rest of my life in, so I'm very sad and today found it really hard. I had finally found someone who shared my core values, someone who really understood me and someone who I thought I knew too.

 

Don't get me wrong the relationship had it's issues but I thought we were both mature enough to talk about them and work through them. We had planned to get married, even chosen rings and a venue....talked about colours and all that stuff !!

 

The biggest issue was that my kids didn't get on with her and that caused real problems. I am very clear about the fact that my kids needs come before my own. I just beleive that is the way life should be and if that means that an adult needs to forgo something they want, well so be it. The adult in the situation needs to suck it up ! But she didn't agree with that. She thought I was weak and gave into my children too much. (too much time ... not things !!) When we started seeing each other they were 11 and 12 .... now 14 and 16. This was always a big problem.

 

Whenever I put the needs of the kids in front of her needs she felt negected and abandoned. To give a bit of context, my kids have no one apart from me .... no other parent, no grandparents ... just me. I am all they have in the whole and I must always have their back.

 

So basically we met up a week ago today and she ended the relationship. She told me she loved me and didn't want to lose me but she thought I am emotionally unavailable. She said there was no room in my life for her needs. And she may be right .... but it was what she said next that just really upset me !!

 

She said, you know what I'm like, I will need to keep busy she I'll be out there looking for my next relationship ... and do you have any advice for my next relationship .... then again "I love you "!!!!!!! I mean really ... in the middle of breaking up our 3 year, serious relationship she tells me she is just off to find her next one !!!! I just thought that was so unbeleivably heartless. Does she have no compasion at all ????

 

So after it all I drove home and checked on facebook cause she said we would have to do all that breaking contact and stuff. But my drive home would have been faster than hers but by the time I got home she had already deleted me from facebook !! Cut me out her life before the seat I sat in was even cold !!! I was so annoyed that. After all the "I love you" stuff I just felt that she had cast me aside without a second thought.

 

And like everyone here it is the loss of the possible future that upsets me the most. I'm no spring chicken and just don't think I have the heart to bother with any future relationships so am trying to get my head around the rest of my life alone. I know I am cabable of living alone for the rest of my life, I just never wanted to.

 

Anyway, it's been a week and I have deleted and blocked her from everything possible !!! I did have to send back some of her stuff from my house and I she needs to come and pick up a couple of bikes. So I asked her to tell me when she will come over and pick them up (I'm not driving them too her !!!) and I plan to put them in my garden, securely, then I will be out for the day when she comes over so that I don't need to see her. I am hoping .. planning never to see her again. Which is so sad as 8 days ago we were planning to get married

 

Thanks for giving me a place to vent !!!

 

Geez. I'm really sorry this happened to you. You sound like a great guy and you don't deserve this. Like you, I also made sacrifices for my kids and lost my relationship (I suppose indirectly) because I thought I was doing the right thing for them. And like you, my ex also told me during our break up conversation that he had started to see someone else already.

 

It's shocking to discover the person you planned to have a future with, that you invested so much time and love in, is incapable of accepting and supporting you and your responsibility to your children, and is able to turn off any feelings they had for you at the turn of a dial. Not only that, but completely turn the dial to sub-zero temperatures. It's almost inhuman.

[Vivi0476]

Good evening. I was really just checking in on my fellow NC'rs. He contacted me out of the blue a few nights ago bc he'd heard I was dating and sleeping around. I assured him I was dating a few men, yes...but only sleeping with one. And I like this guy and he likes me. Sheesh. TMI guys sorry. I guess he thought I'd be still be sitting on my couch in tears waiting for him to come home. He actually said "my biggest fear is losing you for good." What world does this dude live in? I got emails all the next day about missing me and us and that he'd lie to come home for good...I just responded with "No". That was the end of those emails. Oh well.

 

I feel strong. I feel whole. I feel like the upward momentum of my life is destiny. I feel like not having him as baggage makes me soar. You will too. Stay strong friends.

[Sillybillycat]

I'm not counting anymore, but... today it's exactly three months of NC. We've been apart for four months.

I have to admit that I'm a little better. Some days are better than others, and I try not to think about it. But I keep dreaming of him.

Besides, I've been talking to someone new whom I really like. We have a date today and I'm excited, he's a really nice guy. But I'm nervous too because I've never been with anyone else. I mean, I was with my ex since I was 15, I've never had anything else with anyone else. Well, except for a kiss, that's all.

Last night I dreamed that my ex died, it was weird. I don't want him back, but I miss the way I felt when he was around, I wonder if I'll ever feel that again. I just want that apology that I know will never come.

So... wish me luck, I guess. I would really like things to work out with this new guy.

[KaylaOrlandooo]

NC foreal this time

I love this website I've had to use it during the times me and my boyfriend would break up, it helped. So I decided today to start posting. I've been with this Ahole for 7 years off and on we're young I'm 22 he's 24, he's always been into messaging girls on twitter and ig while we've been together. I only have proof of him sexually cheating once or twice and I think it's because god knows how hurt I would be. In 2015 he left me for another girl, he said we grew apart and so he left about 2 months later he ended up coming back to me I was so depressed during the time he was gone idk how I let him come back but I did. All during are relationship I kept catching him getting nudes from the girl and still talking to the girl. Two months ago he breaks up with me for good I had my suspicions that it was because of the girl again but he would say it's not. Yesterday I found out she is apart of the reason and they are back in contact, I was devastated I sat and I cried. Instead of him feeling bad he told me to stay out of his life and leave him alone. Which hurt. But I blocked him on everything and now I don't feel sadness I only feel anger, at myself for allowing this to go on for so long & also at him for betraying me. I literally never want to hear from him again in my life

[Whocares479]

Good evening. I was really just checking in on my fellow NC'rs. He contacted me out of the blue a few nights ago bc he'd heard I was dating and sleeping around. I assured him I was dating a few men, yes...but only sleeping with one. And I like this guy and he likes me. Sheesh. TMI guys sorry. I guess he thought I'd be still be sitting on my couch in tears waiting for him to come home. He actually said "my biggest fear is losing you for good." What world does this dude live in? I got emails all the next day about missing me and us and that he'd lie to come home for good...I just responded with "No". That was the end of those emails. Oh well.

 

I feel strong. I feel whole. I feel like the upward momentum of my life is destiny. I feel like not having him as baggage makes me soar. You will too. Stay strong friends.

 

Oh my gosh, I read the entire thread and was intrigued by your story!! May I ask, how long has it been since you've been NC and how many times did you break it before you said enough is enough?

[Vivi0476]

Oh my gosh, I read the entire thread and was intrigued by your story!! May I ask, how long has it been since you've been NC and how many times did you break it before you said enough is enough?

I think a total of 3 times maybe more. But the last time I answered the phone knowing it was him was Feb. 13th when he laid his motorcycle down and found out I'd removed him from my insurance. The call the other night was from a private number. He was so awful to me I quit romanticizing our failed marriage and never contacted him again after that. I haven't initiated contact with him since January though (I think). It was when I found out he'd moved in with his side piece.

[Whocares479]

I think a total of 3 times maybe more. But the last time I answered the phone knowing it was him was Feb. 13th when he laid his motorcycle down and found out I'd removed him from my insurance. The call the other night was from a private number. He was so awful to me I quit romanticizing our failed marriage and never contacted him again after that. I haven't initiated contact with him since January though (I think). It was when I found out he'd moved in with his side piece.

 

Oh gosh, I'm sorry. You seem so nonchalant about the situation and the fact that you can't even remember the days show just how far you've came. I'm so sorry you had to go through the abuse, it sucks so much. We give our all to freaking cowards ughhh. Well, I wish the best of luck to you and congrats on the new guy!

[Vivi0476]

Oh gosh, I'm sorry. You seem so nonchalant about the situation and the fact that you can't even remember the days show just how far you've came. I'm so sorry you had to go through the abuse, it sucks so much. We give our all to freaking cowards ughhh. Well, I wish the best of luck to you and congrats on the new guy!

Thank you. You can do this too. You can. Its hard and it hurts. But it'll make u this wise sage advice giving self loving people caring person. I feel like I love people more and am a better friend bc of NC. Bcuz those were the things I needed to work on. And NC made me go inside myself and fix things while I was broken and not focus on him, the breakup, or the pain I was in. You will be fine. Stay strong. You are enough!

[Whocares479]

Thank you. You can do this too. You can. Its hard and it hurts. But it'll make u this wise sage advice giving self loving people caring person. I feel like I love people more and am a better friend bc of NC. Bcuz those were the things I needed to work on. And NC made me go inside myself and fix things while I was broken and not focus on him, the breakup, or the pain I was in. You will be fine. Stay strong. You are enough!

 

Thank you so much for your kind words, I will stay storng!!

[Scotty123]

wow I think you are all amazing. I am finding it so hard today ! Hey off ...

[KaylaOrlandooo]

Day 4 of no contact:

Today was tough, I'm pmsing (tmi) so my emotions are all over the place. I thought about how much I missed him and was just so devastated that he would leave me to be with all these girls like how could you, what kind of man is he. But I still didn't unblock him and I stayed strong he has to learn how life feels without me

[lawlife]

Thank you. You can do this too. You can. Its hard and it hurts. But it'll make u this wise sage advice giving self loving people caring person. I feel like I love people more and am a better friend bc of NC. Bcuz those were the things I needed to work on. And NC made me go inside myself and fix things while I was broken and not focus on him, the breakup, or the pain I was in. You will be fine. Stay strong. You are enough!

 

I needed to read this!!! Need to work on my broken heart ... day 1 of NC

[GeekLover]

I'm so far in NC I've at least stopped counting the days/weeks. That feels good. It's more by months now...coming up to 4 months soon, I think?

 

Honestly ladies and gents, what really started to propel me forward was by going dark on social media. Not all...I still visit social media sites I know he doesn't use, but I'm lucky because he isn't on much. I'm just inactive on anything he is. By doing this, I am not tempted to check in on him.

 

I've been doing this for 3 weeks now, and I can honestly see a difference. I still get sad, but I can snap myself out of it fairly quickly now. Whereas before, when I got sad, it would last all day and even spiral down into a very depressive week.

 

I'm going to be ok.

 

I'm strong...stronger than i bet he believes.