NC log - a place to vent

[lovelyworld]

Ah, feeling a bit blah tonight. One day it's a happy me, next day it's a day filled with negative feelings/thoughts. I just want to be over this all the way. I want to be done for good. I don't want to think about him every single day, like I do now. I don't want to wonder. I realize he is not good for me mental and emotional health. I realize I wasn't going to be happy with him anyway. I realize all of this, but why do I still think about him every day?? I want him out of my mind! I feel done, but I'm not. Ahhh, I'm just sad at how he's still on my mind.

[Vivi0476]

Sorry I haven't been around much. My dance card is full as the old saying goes. I'm making friends and meeting men and planning trips via motorcycle to Moab and enjoying good company.

 

I'm here bc I got a most disturbing phone call from my sister today that my ex contacted her. Apparently the past few days have been "really hard for him and he misses me desperately and needs to talk to me". No freaking way is THAT gonna happen. I told her thanks for telling me but to delete any further conversation from him.

 

NC made me a better person. A stronger person. He can do whatever he wants.

 

I'm here to tell everyone that it gets better. Mine is fishing bc I'm done and he can't handle it. Be happy. Be you. Be the beautiful you that you were before they broke you.

[lovelyworld]

Saturday will mark 2 weeks for me. I wish I could say I don't care about him by now. I wish I could say I don't wonder if he doesn't think about me. I do. I feel so forgotten. But I feel calmer in general. Still get sad from time to time. I. Just. Feel. Forgotten. I feel like I never cross his mind.

But I need to be happy at how my life is calm without him. I need to keep going.

[Angieeee]

Hey Angie, don't feel bad. It happens to all of us on here. I broke NC a lot, after saying goodbye to him again and again. And I'm hoping I never break it again now. Its so bad for me. Its ok that you replied, don't beat yourself up about it...just remove her off the reference. Sorry her tone was rude and impatient...I know alllll about how that feels

And don't think of it as breaking NC...just keep going with NC. It was just a minor setback, You'll feel better soon because I was crying last week and thinking no way will I ever feel as good as I felt before, especially after breaking NC.

Think of her rude tone and let it drive you to never contact her again...that's honestly what I do now and what keeps me from from texting him. You're strong

 

Hey Lovelyworld,

I'm trying to stay strong. It sucks because today is my ex bday and just last night she texted me"Hey I just wanted to let you know I'm very greatful you were apart of my life for the time that you were and you've made a difference in my life thank you unconditionally loving me which made me love myself... last year we spent my bday together and you were one of the few peoples who cared... I hope you know you're amazing and I'm sorry it didn't work out between us"

Why text me to tell me that idk what it means and im over anaylzing ugh

[lovelyworld]

Hey Lovelyworld,

I'm trying to stay strong. It sucks because today is my ex bday and just last night she texted me"Hey I just wanted to let you know I'm very greatful you were apart of my life for the time that you were and you've made a difference in my life thank you unconditionally loving me which made me love myself... last year we spent my bday together and you were one of the few peoples who cared... I hope you know you're amazing and I'm sorry it didn't work out between us"

Why text me to tell me that idk what it means and im over anaylzing ugh

 

Idk why she would text you to tell you that. Maybe she was thinking of her bday last year and it made her think of you because I do that a lot. When I think of old memories with other people, I end up texting them out of the blue to say hey and tell them what I was thinking of. She doesn't know that her texting you confuses you only more. It sounds like she's a nice person, but I feel she's accepted that it's over between you guys but that you'll always have a special place in her heart.

[Angieeee]

Sorry I haven't been around much. My dance card is full as the old saying goes. I'm making friends and meeting men and planning trips via motorcycle to Moab and enjoying good company.

 

I'm here bc I got a most disturbing phone call from my sister today that my ex contacted her. Apparently the past few days have been "really hard for him and he misses me desperately and needs to talk to me". No freaking way is THAT gonna happen. I told her thanks for telling me but to delete any further conversation from him.

 

NC made me a better person. A stronger person. He can do whatever he wants.

 

I'm here to tell everyone that it gets better. Mine is fishing bc I'm done and he can't handle it. Be happy. Be you. Be the beautiful you that you were before they broke you.

Really inspiring. I feel once you move on is when they make contact

[Angieeee]

Idk why she would text you to tell you that. Maybe she was thinking of her bday last year and it made her think of you because I do that a lot. When I think of old memories with other people, I end up texting them out of the blue to say hey and tell them what I was thinking of. She doesn't know that her texting you confuses you only more. It sounds like she's a nice person, but I feel she's accepted that it's over between you guys but that you'll always have a special place in her heart.

 

She did confuse me I just wished her a happy bday. I need to do no contact forever and heal. You seem to be doing good better than me

[mysteryaura2]

Me and my ex have been apart for about 2 months. We talked to each other today but did not go well. I asked some questions go get more closure but it went left. He said he's trying to be happier and doesn't know what he can do... Not sure how to feel

[lovelyworld]

I'm having the worst morning. My ex reached out again on Friday, and in my head, I was like surely this is not going to be like last time...I clearly told him not to message me to be nice and if he's still seeing someone else last time. Thankfully, it didn't last 2 weeks like last time, only 3 days this time. He said the girl he was seeing is still in his life, but that she's not his gf. I asked him if he's over me, and he answered "somewhat" and that's when my heart shattered into a million pieces. This was the most hurtful and honest bye I had with him. He said he only said hey to have a nice conversation with me, and he'd say "why can't just be normal?" but he was still saying stuff on Friday like "I still want you it's just difficult with you" and "I really like you I really do" and when I said you don't, he would say "you can't tell me that I don't".

And yesterday he claimed he's somewhat over me, and that it will never be same with us ever again. I was doing fine with the NC. I was sure he had forgotten about me. It was sooooo hard, but this is much harder. Now I'm going through hell again. I'm mad that I replied. But now I know for sure that we aren't getting back together, I just tell myself he's over me.

 

Why would someone text you again to tell you they're over you? We had a really serious bye this time, he wasn't ignoring me or anything. I told him it's ok if we never talk again, and that I'm tired of repeating this every month and that I want to forget him. When he said he's over me, that really did it for me...because it was so, so, hurtful. I just don't get how anyone would come back to reject you again. I would leave someone for good if I had nothing for them and didn't want anything with them. I wouldn't keep going back to text them.

 

Just wanted to vent. Mad at myself for not having the courage to ignore someone. I'm used to not messaging him now, so this part is easy. The hard part is dealing with the new pain and hard truth I've heard.

[GeekLover]

I'm having the worst morning. My ex reached out again on Friday, and in my head, I was like surely this is not going to be like last time...I clearly told him not to message me to be nice and if he's still seeing someone else last time. Thankfully, it didn't last 2 weeks like last time, only 3 days this time. He said the girl he was seeing is still in his life, but that she's not his gf. I asked him if he's over me, and he answered "somewhat" and that's when my heart shattered into a million pieces. This was the most hurtful and honest bye I had with him. He said he only said hey to have a nice conversation with me, and he'd say "why can't just be normal?" but he was still saying stuff on Friday like "I still want you it's just difficult with you" and "I really like you I really do" and when I said you don't, he would say "you can't tell me that I don't".

And yesterday he claimed he's somewhat over me, and that it will never be same with us ever again. I was doing fine with the NC. I was sure he had forgotten about me. It was sooooo hard, but this is much harder. Now I'm going through hell again. I'm mad that I replied. But now I know for sure that we aren't getting back together, I just tell myself he's over me.

 

Why would someone text you again to tell you they're over you? We had a really serious bye this time, he wasn't ignoring me or anything. I told him it's ok if we never talk again, and that I'm tired of repeating this every month and that I want to forget him. When he said he's over me, that really did it for me...because it was so, so, hurtful. I just don't get how anyone would come back to reject you again. I would leave someone for good if I had nothing for them and didn't want anything with them. I wouldn't keep going back to text them.

 

Just wanted to vent. Mad at myself for not having the courage to ignore someone. I'm used to not messaging him now, so this part is easy. The hard part is dealing with the new pain and hard truth I've heard.

 

Brutal.

 

Looking for a reaction? Looking for some kind of ego boost to see if saying that would still effect you? Seeing if you are still hanging on so he can still do what he wants with this other girl knowing he still has you as a safety net?

 

Those are my best guesses.

[GeekLover]

He said he's trying to be happier and doesn't know what he can do... Not sure how to feel

 

What does this mean?

[lovelyworld]

Brutal.

 

Looking for a reaction? Looking for some kind of ego boost to see if saying that would still effect you? Seeing if you are still hanging on so he can still do what he wants with this other girl knowing he still has you as a safety net?

 

Those are my best guesses.

 

Yeah, it was just mean and brutal in a way. I mean, it's not like I was asking him to be with me, I just didn't want to keep talking to someone normally if they didn't want me, and especially if they saw no future with me.

Really just came back to tell me he's over me and is still seeing someone. Then why come back if you are over me? Why initiate? If you're so happy with someone else, why think of the ex you're over?

I take full responsibility for the way i feel this time. I decided, once again, to not ignore him and see the good in him. So it's my fault that I feel sad again.

But this door is closed now. It's shut all the way. If I never hear from again, I'll be fine...because hearing from him brings more pain than thinking he has forgotten me.

[Angieeee]

So after two months I met with my ex gf for dinner and drinks. Well it seemed like nothing has changed and we laughed and since it was her bday on Friday told me all about her weekend. Damn she flirted and I felt like she didnt want the night to end. We ended up getting icecream and she offered me a lick of hers. I offered her some of my icecream and she said " idk where your mouth has been" i laughed and told her I should be the one asking her since it was her bday weekend. Well we agreed to go to a concert in april lol I dont want to get my hopes up . Idk if meeting her was the right thing but her friend called and she didnt mention she was with me. Before leaving she said idk if we can hang out again and I laughed and told her she always says that. To me it felt she didnt want to leave. Ugh like i regret meeting her but like a addict i got my fix

[katara42]

Better update. Ex came back on the scene promising change yadda yadda. I figured I'd give him a chance to prove me wrong. It lasted 10 days lol. In 10 days he blew me off once, then told me he was going to be busy for the next week or so after a stupid text fight where he wouldn't answer a simple question lol. Same old crap. Ex was involved so it was weird.

 

I shouldn't have taken him back. I know. But I wanted to know. Now I know. And I feel very over him. Finally. I feel free.

[KMO7970]

Since the result of this is your feeling free, then it's great that you gave him that chance! Congratulations on feeling that you're over him! It's a great feeling, isn't it?

[katara42]

Since the result of this is your feeling free, then it's great that you gave him that chance! Congratulations on feeling that you're over him! It's a great feeling, isn't it?

It really is. I feel like I honoured my core beliefs in giving that chance, and yet when the same stupid things kept happening I felt very clear. No more chances.

 

When he pulled the "I've been thinking" and "I'll do anything to fix this" I almost laughed and ignored it. Now I'm no longer plagued with what ifs .

 

Funniest part was when he told me I'd be alone at 60 with six more cats. Laughed my fool head off. Nothing would make me happier! I'm not afraid of being alone. I'd rather be alone than unhappy.

 

Still makes me laugh lol Katara the crazy cat lady lol

 

But yeah. My friend said that women should pay us to date (since we find the jerks). Lesson learned. I do wish he had been telling the truth, really. Really. Spit in one hand and wish in the other - only one hand will fill up.

[hrb23]

Sorry I haven't been around much. My dance card is full as the old saying goes. I'm making friends and meeting men and planning trips via motorcycle to Moab and enjoying good company.

 

I'm here bc I got a most disturbing phone call from my sister today that my ex contacted her. Apparently the past few days have been "really hard for him and he misses me desperately and needs to talk to me". No freaking way is THAT gonna happen. I told her thanks for telling me but to delete any further conversation from him.

 

NC made me a better person. A stronger person. He can do whatever he wants.

 

I'm here to tell everyone that it gets better. Mine is fishing bc I'm done and he can't handle it. Be happy. Be you. Be the beautiful you that you were before they broke you.

 

This was so important for me to read. I've struggled immensely getting past just a week of NC because I can't see the light. This is inspiring.

 

I'm back at Day 1 today but I truly believe this is the start of NC until I'm as healed as I can be. She doesn't deserve a place in my life anymore. She's lied, cheated, lead me on, come crawling back only to repeat and honestly she has controlled and manipulated me for months. I ignored the red flags before but no more.

 

I can go back to being me again. I can be healed. I can. I will.

 

Day 1

[Tombo7891]

Back to Day 1 after almost two weeks of NC. I can attest to how beneficial NC really is for healing yourself. I was doing great for the last two weeks, my ex was away for work so I knew there wouldn't be any chance of seeing her. Sure enough the day she gets back she messaged me breadcrumbs. Then yesterday she came to a place we both frequent, and she came at the time she knows I go everyday. She came and sat down right beside me and started talking. Deep down I loved that she did it, It gave me a natural high. But today I'm back to thinking about her constantly. I didn't want this break up , she ended it with me. I gave her my heart on a silver platter and would have done anything to spend the rest of my life with her. Yet now when I'm trying to heal she keeps re surfacing to let me know she's still around.

NC is truly to heal yourself, and get back to that self loving individual I once was and will be.

[hrb23]

Day 2 now. I made a call to set up counseling today. I woke up at 5 and laid awake for a few hours before it was time to go back to bed. I was pretty overcome by the knowledge of her being with this other guy that she left for me. I want to start using the gym but I can't because I'm not eating and have no appetite.

 

She texted me this morning saying my mom had tried to contact her about my terrible emotions recently. All her text said was to call my mom because she is worried about me. I didn't respond. (mom doesn't know we broke up months ago (she lives abroad)).

[lovelyworld]

Hi all. Happy Sunday. I miss talking here and hearing everyone's updates and feelings.

I'm one day away from being nc for a week again with my ex. Every time I went NC, bam, two weeks later he'd contact. Every time he contacted, it was the same. This time, if he ever contacts(no hope), he will be ignored. I haven't been getting sad the past few days, in fact, I feel the opposite. The weather is amazing. A friend of mine got me hooked on listening to audiobooks and reading books. I've been reading books about boundaries, standards, breakups, etc. Realized every time my ex came back, I set no boundaries. It was just an open door for him to come and leave anytime he pleased. Not anymore. I don't desire a friendship, like he wants. No one can go from relationship to friendship. I don't want to be in his life in just any way. He thinks too highly of himself if he thinks I'd just love to be a minor part of his life.

 

NC hurts less and less each time. Or maybe, it doesn't hurt less, you just get better. Because I truly feel better. I feel lighter and happier. My heart is just numb. I'm definitely not used to his presence in my life anymore. Of course, I disappointed myself every time I replied to his silly messages when I go NC, but I think it helped me feel this much lighter knowing that if he comes back again, it wouldn't to be with me. I'm the kind of person that needs more than one lesson to finally get it. And these past few times I have contacted him finally taught me. The days also go by faster now. I can feel myself self-improving. I expect to have sad moments in the near future. I expect the good and the bad, but it's ok. It's honestly ok.

[Whocares479]

Hi all. Happy Sunday. I miss talking here and hearing everyone's updates and feelings.

I'm one day away from being nc for a week again with my ex. Every time I went NC, bam, two weeks later he'd contact. Every time he contacted, it was the same. This time, if he ever contacts(no hope), he will be ignored. I haven't been getting sad the past few days, in fact, I feel the opposite. The weather is amazing. A friend of mine got me hooked on listening to audiobooks and reading books. I've been reading books about boundaries, standards, breakups, etc. Realized every time my ex came back, I set no boundaries. It was just an open door for him to come and leave anytime he pleased. Not anymore. I don't desire a friendship, like he wants. No one can go from relationship to friendship. I don't want to be in his life in just any way. He thinks too highly of himself if he thinks I'd just love to be a minor part of his life.

 

NC hurts less and less each time. Or maybe, it doesn't hurt less, you just get better. Because I truly feel better. I feel lighter and happier. My heart is just numb. I'm definitely not used to his presence in my life anymore. Of course, I disappointed myself every time I replied to his silly messages when I go NC, but I think it helped me feel this much lighter knowing that if he comes back again, it wouldn't to be with me. I'm the kind of person that needs more than one lesson to finally get it. And these past few times I have contacted him finally taught me. The days also go by faster now. I can feel myself self-improving. I expect to have sad moments in the near future. I expect the good and the bad, but it's ok. It's honestly ok.

 

I'm happy you're doing okay! I've seen some of your story on different posts so I remember some of you back story. Your story helped me realized, that even though they contact you, it may not be with good intentions. Most of us who go into NC think that our ex will come back after a few weeks as this brand new person who loves us. We expect them to be like " Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I left you go, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I miss and love you so much" when really all we get is "Hey", "What's up" or " how you doing", or even sometimes silence. Once we let go of expectations for them, we can heal faster. There's a reason we left in the beginning. This is my 5th day of no contact and it feels like it's been a million years.

 

I'm not gonna lie I secretly want him to text me, I have FOBF( Fear of being forgotten). Hopefully I'll get to where you're at, where I'll no longer care. Good luck to you! Keep updating!

[KMO7970]

NC day 10! Barely keeping track anymore, but I do still think about him now and then. Such a far cry from how day 1 felt

[lovelyworld]

I'm happy you're doing okay! I've seen some of your story on different posts so I remember some of you back story. Your story helped me realized, that even though they contact you, it may not be with good intentions. Most of us who go into NC think that our ex will come back after a few weeks as this brand new person who loves us. We expect them to be like " Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I left you go, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I miss and love you so much" when really all we get is "Hey", "What's up" or " how you doing", or even sometimes silence. Once we let go of expectations for them, we can heal faster. There's a reason we left in the beginning. This is my 5th day of no contact and it feels like it's been a million years.

 

I'm not gonna lie I secretly want him to text me, I have FOBF( Fear of being forgotten). Hopefully I'll get to where you're at, where I'll no longer care. Good luck to you! Keep updating!

 

I have the same fear usually....usually after two weeks of NC, I start to wonder if he'll ever text me or that I'm just completely forgotten. It's as if he can feel this fear of mine, and he texts. But I realized that they're afraid of being forgotten too. That's why he comes back...just to check I'm not over him, to remind me of him. You're right, though, it's our expectations of their messages that disappoint us in the end. He came back with the "I miss you so much, miss cuddling, miss going out with you, miss everything with you" the time I went NC before this....and I was sure he wanted to get back together, but nope....he didn't want anything. Just came back to tell me he didn't want a relationship still. Words mean nothing. Now I don't care if he messages again because I will ignore. He will not ruin my happiness and calmness again. Your ex won't forget you. You can learn from my mistakes

 

5 days is good...it gets easier and easier. We all want our exes to message us to validate that we meant something. And they do text in the end, someday. They get curious, they wonder, they text.....but it doesn't mean anything will change. I'm nowhere where I want to be (but getting there slowly) because I keep messing up, but messing up every time teaches me something better...and makes it easier for me to move on. And your ex will text you. If my ex, the one who told me to leave him alone for good, texted me....yours will too...but it's never good to expect them to message again. Good to go NC thinking they never will.

[lovelyworld]

NC day 10! Barely keeping track anymore, but I do still think about him now and then. Such a far cry from how day 1 felt

 

4 more days and you'll make it to two weeks

[vesper]

Yes it is, I just look forward to the past