NC log - a place to vent

[ShatteredMan]

She just wanted to make sure u were still available and single should She change her mind or it not work out with whomever else she's talking to.

 

If my ex ever stops being mad at me for ending things. He'll do this to me. Don't let them into your world. They'll destroy your progress.

 

100% agree.

[luisannalui]

100% agree.

 

Yes, that's the word "They'll destroy your progress". 100 percent agree

[lovelyworld]

So I just had lunch with my ex. It was so normal...we had a nice conversation, and in the end we only hugged. I didn't want to bring up anything about the relationship or breakup...I didn't want to be the one to bring up anything serious. And he didn't, soo. Am I silly?

He kept saying see you soon if you don't stand me up in the end.

I don't think my mind is any clearer right now. Should I wait for him to text again?

[ShatteredMan]

Be careful....

[lovelyworld]

Be careful....

 

Ahhh...stuck in my feelings.

[Vivi0476]

So I just had lunch with my ex. It was so normal...we had a nice conversation, and in the end we only hugged. I didn't want to bring up anything about the relationship or breakup...I didn't want to be the one to bring up anything serious. And he didn't, soo. Am I silly?

He kept saying see you soon if you don't stand me up in the end.

I don't think my mind is any clearer right now. Should I wait for him to text again?

I just don't want to see u digress.

[Angieeee]

So I just had lunch with my ex. It was so normal...we had a nice conversation, and in the end we only hugged. I didn't want to bring up anything about the relationship or breakup...I didn't want to be the one to bring up anything serious. And he didn't, soo. Am I silly?

He kept saying see you soon if you don't stand me up in the end.

I don't think my mind is any clearer right now. Should I wait for him to text again?

 

How do you feel right now?

[lovelyworld]

I feel like I took STEPS back. Not just one. After seeing him, I was disappointed because it didn't go as I expected. I wanted to cry. But the thing is, the lunch date was really normal, in face we laughed and had a nice conversation, but I suppose i didn't hear anything I wanted to hear in the end...and the hug in the end was just so normal. I know people can take it slowly..step by step.

So I resisted texting him afterwards for a few hours...but I gave in. I said that today didn't go as I expected lol, but that it was good to see him again. He asked what I expected, and I said "it's ok if this is what you expect. I just don't want to meet once a month to eat with you and talk about our lives"...then he said "I told you let's just go with the flow"...

I replied to that and he hasn't replied. I know I am being ignored.

I don't recall the last time i was ignored by him...still feels familiar.

 

So I don't know. I want to cry tonight. I was supposed to go out, but I just woke up from a nap because he's ruined my mood. The thing is I know him seeing me normally was a good thing today, I know he was gonna ask again next week...but it just felt like he was making all the calls when I felt in control just a week ago.

so right now, the fact that he ignored me and isn't replying is not good...and the fact that I probably texted at all is not good.

Honestly don't even know if he's talking to someone else.

 

In the past two weeks of NC, I felt myself getting stronger...and today, I don't feel 100% weak, I know i can bounce back in a few days, but I just feel silly again.

 

If he doesn't reply tonight, I don't think I can be normal like today with him again. I reacted and it's ok. I guess I'm just tired of walking on my tip toes when I talk to him, trying to make everything go smoothly.

 

I want to believe myself so much when I say I'm done..but I'm a little sad tonight, and I keep blaming myself a bit for it. Because he didn't do anything, it's what he didn't do I suppose. Shouldn't he have every right to take things slowly?

I guess I just feel like I'm past that. Especially after the way we've been texting lately, he was so sweet...him telling me he missed me so much and everything we used to do, and just sending me old pics and vids of us...it felt normal. So I just need a yes or no answer. I want things clear because I need to know whether to keep moving on or not. Really don't want to allow him to have the upper hand here!

 

Just what do you do when you still have such strong feelings and you really miss them? Gosh.

 

Been venting a lot lately. I definitely got distracted by his messages and meeting today. I'm starting over tonight (not even 100% sure), but I'm going NC definitely. Going back to imagining life forever without him.

 

Ahh

[ShatteredMan]

And your life will be different without him.....but it will go on.

 

Work on what makes you happy and what helps you grow. Also, make a list of what you wish you could find in a man including the things that he never had.

 

Reread that list to yourself every day before you go to work or when you get home. More than likely, you may bump into this man sooner than you think....

[lovelyworld]

And your life will be different without him.....but it will go on.

 

Work on what makes you happy and what helps you grow. Also, make a list of what you wish you could find in a man including the things that he never had.

 

Reread that list to yourself every day before you go to work or when you get home. More than likely, you may bump into this man sooner than you think....

 

Thank you...it definitely will go on. I'm bouncing back mentally already...I just need to keep going all the way this time.

[lovelyworld]

Ah good morning. but day 1 NC. Feel more sh**ty than yesterday lol. I'm getting that urge to text him, to be mad at him for wasting my time again, but I know it won't help. This is the only thing I'm resisting right now.

[Vivi0476]

Ah good morning. but day 1 NC. Feel more sh**ty than yesterday lol. I'm getting that urge to text him, to be mad at him for wasting my time again, but I know it won't help. This is the only thing I'm resisting right now.

I'm really sorry. Ive had to resist that urge before too. But they ignore us or say something scrappy. Go for a walk, watch a movie, read. Anything to distract yourself.

[Vivi0476]

I find myself here less and less. I read the posts and respond...but am I in denial phase? I'm confused. I mean its been 8 weeks. Did he finally break me? Did I finally see him for what he is and lose my love for him? I feel like 8 weeks is not long enough to mourn the end of a 6 year marriage. But I guess, I really started preparing for this 2 years ago. I'm confused. I mean right now I couldn't care less if I ever saw this dude again. And I swore to live and die by our marriage vows...confused!

[lovelyworld]

I find myself here less and less. I read the posts and respond...but am I in denial phase? I'm confused. I mean its been 8 weeks. Did he finally break me? Did I finally see him for what he is and lose my love for him? I feel like 8 weeks is not long enough to mourn the end of a 6 year marriage. But I guess, I really started preparing for this 2 years ago. I'm confused. I mean right now I couldn't care less if I ever saw this dude again. And I swore to live and die by our marriage vows...confused!

 

Gave me hope again reading your post..that I'll be okay again. I hope it just continues to get better for you

[katara42]

I find myself here less and less. I read the posts and respond...but am I in denial phase? I'm confused. I mean its been 8 weeks. Did he finally break me? Did I finally see him for what he is and lose my love for him? I feel like 8 weeks is not long enough to mourn the end of a 6 year marriage. But I guess, I really started preparing for this 2 years ago. I'm confused. I mean right now I couldn't care less if I ever saw this dude again. And I swore to live and die by our marriage vows...confused!

It doesn't sound like denial. Maybe it's the same for you but for me I got sick of feeling bad. I feel better the less he is around - don't have to worry about him. It's relaxing.

 

Are you feeling dazed or better? Or dazed from feeling better? How do you feel? Here's hoping that you're having a relaxy evening on the couch

[Vivi0476]

Gave me hope again reading your post..that I'll be okay again. I hope it just continues to get better for you

Oh you'll be ok again. You will. I've done some hard hard stuff though. Blocked him in every aspect.removed mutual friends and his family from my facebook. Blocked him and his side piece aka Grandma Barfly. I've had to remove him from my life in every way. Has he tried to text? I don't care. Has he tried to call? I have to ignore it...for my sanity. This has made things easier for me. But I will say when I was initially doing those things they were hard. But now its not hard...I am horrified he'll find a new way to talk to me. I'm better pretending he never existed...bc he might as well not have.

[katara42]

I am horrified he'll find a new way to talk to me. I'm better pretending he never existed...bc he might as well not have.

 

This is exactly how I feel

[Vivi0476]

It doesn't sound like denial. Maybe it's the same for you but for me I got sick of feeling bad. I feel better the less he is around - don't have to worry about him. It's relaxing.

 

Are you feeling dazed or better? Or dazed from feeling better? How do you feel? Here's hoping that you're having a relaxy evening on the couch

 

Dazed from feeling better so quickly. Almost guilty. I cry bc I'm happy not bc I'm sad. I cry bc I love people so much. But again not sad. I laugh often and feel great appreciation for the Blessings in my life. I feel like this insane weight has been removed from my life

 

I am genuinely happy. The occasional angry thought pops up, but I do my best to shut it down. But I never go "Gah i miss him" anymore. I worry more that he'll show up and say he'll go to rehab and counselling to fix what's wrong. Bc ill have to tell him no. My life is too good right now.

[lovelyworld]

Ah. So we texted this morning, and he finally admitted he was seeing someone. I was shocked even though I had a feeling. The fact he admitted is a big thing to him. Why did he talk to me again, why did he see me, why come back into my life? Why tell me he missed me, why tell me see you again soon, JUST WHY. God I feel so heartbroken at the moment, didn't even think it was possible to feel this way.

This is a different kind of pain. I keep tearing up and stopping. I feel like this is it...

[Vivi0476]

Ah. So we texted this morning, and he finally admitted he was seeing someone. I was shocked even though I had a feeling. The fact he admitted is a big thing to him. Why did he talk to me again, why did he see me, why come back into my life? Why tell me he missed me, why tell me see you again soon, JUST WHY. God I feel so heartbroken at the moment, didn't even think it was possible to feel this way.

This is a different kind of pain. I keep tearing up and stopping. I feel like this is it...

I had a feeling he'd pull this. He wanted to see if you'd still be there if stuff fell through with the new girl. This is what desperate people do. I'm sorry you have to start over. I remember when I got my ex to admit he was with someone. It tore me up something fierce. I remember the feeling. I kept looking at their facebooks and torturing myself. Sugar, you have got to go complete NC now. The fact is, he probably DOES miss you. He probably DOES have feelings for you. But its gone too far for you 2 to repair this, and he knows it. Block all contact. It'll be torture for a while but it'll prolong your pain to keep asking why. There are no good explanations. Nothing that will make you feel better. You have to rely on you for your happiness now.

 

For now, spend the day in bed, or with an understanding friend. Be kind too yourself. Buy yourself something. Anything that'll make u feel better fit the moment.

 

This pain doesn't last long. And here's my favorite quote..."Be patient and tough; Someday this pain will be useful to you -Ovid"

[lovelyworld]

I had a feeling he'd pull this. He wanted to see if you'd still be there if stuff fell through with the new girl. This is what desperate people do. I'm sorry you have to start over. I remember when I got my ex to admit he was with someone. It tore me up something fierce. I remember the feeling. I kept looking at their facebooks and torturing myself. Sugar, you have got to go complete NC now. The fact is, he probably DOES miss you. He probably DOES have feelings for you. But its gone too far for you 2 to repair this, and he knows it. Block all contact. It'll be torture for a while but it'll prolong your pain to keep asking why. There are no good explanations. Nothing that will make you feel better. You have to rely on you for your happiness now.

 

For now, spend the day in bed, or with an understanding friend. Be kind too yourself. Buy yourself something. Anything that'll make u feel better fit the moment.

 

This pain doesn't last long. And here's my favorite quote..."Be patient and tough; Someday this pain will be useful to you -Ovid"

 

Every time I asked him before, he has denied it. But today...he admitted it, is it because he finally wants me to get over him?

I'm glad he admitted because I no longer have to wonder, but God it sucks so much! And how can he miss me and have feelings with me? I know he has said he missed me this week, but it's definitely not showing. You're right though, it's gone too far to repair this. But I don't think he knows it. When I asked him if it was serious between them, he said "idk".

 

I'm blocking him. I have to wait one more 24 hours to block him on FB because I blocked him yesterday and unblocked. I will also block his phone number. I don't want to get another hey that will result in pain like this.

I just hope I really go through with it...I don't trust myself anymore, I feel weak again. I'm in so much heartache right now, it's like losing him for good. To someone else. Now I'll keep wondering about him and her.

 

But thanks so much vivi, I remember when you went through this...and now you feel differently. It gives me a little hope. Even though it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

[katara42]

Ah. So we texted this morning, and he finally admitted he was seeing someone. I was shocked even though I had a feeling. The fact he admitted is a big thing to him. Why did he talk to me again, why did he see me, why come back into my life? Why tell me he missed me, why tell me see you again soon, JUST WHY. God I feel so heartbroken at the moment, didn't even think it was possible to feel this way.

This is a different kind of pain. I keep tearing up and stopping. I feel like this is it...

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry to hear this. Like vivi, I thought the worst of the situation, especially when he didn't say "I've been thinking... I want you back" or anything that would demonstrate his motives. Yuck. Believe me, I've been there. I've been across that table, having that lunch where we talk non stop but nothing is said. Maybe you can be satisfied that now you have your answer

 

Do whatever it takes today to nurse your wounds. I'm so sorry. Huge ehugs.

[lovelyworld]

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry to hear this. Like vivi, I thought the worst of the situation, especially when he didn't say "I've been thinking... I want you back" or anything that would demonstrate his motives. Yuck. Believe me, I've been there. I've been across that table, having that lunch where we talk non stop but nothing is said. Maybe you can be satisfied that now you have your answer

 

Do whatever it takes today to nurse your wounds. I'm so sorry. Huge ehugs.

 

It is good now that I do have an answer, but it's a very hurtful answer. I had some hope this past week. He told me the things I wanted to hear. It's going to be a long road again, and a much harder one this time. I hope you guys will still be here because knowing you both were at this place helps me.

 

Thanks katara

[GeekLover]

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I'm dating again and having fun meeting new people. I've come to realize the woman he chose over me is boring as **** and this is more HIS loss than it is mine. Would I take him back? Hmmmm...I'm not even sure anymore, and that alone is a step in the right direction. We would definitely be moving slowly if it were the case. I'm getting used to loving myself again and not having him in my life. He feels like a stranger now.

[lovelyworld]

I keep thinking about the other girl. I keep thinking of how different we look. How our personalities could be different. In a way, I'm comparing.

But then I tell myself if he loved her truly, why would he have texted me in the first place? He's not being faithful to her. Is she a rebound? Did he want to see I was still into him? Will he ever reach out again? Why am I still afraid that I will be forgotten again? Just why? Why am I scared that I'm left behind again? This is where I really dislike myself. I also told him before I found out about his relationship that I did not want anything serious with him...so now I'm blaming myself that it drove him to never want to try again with me. But my God, why should it matter? He lied to me! To my face. Maybe I'm not a strong-willed person.

These questions don't matter because I know I should not take him back in the future. I know 100% I deserve more because I would never play with a person's heart. I have blocked his phone number, I'm pretty sure he didn't reach out today anyway, and he wouldn't.

 

Ahh. Why are heartaches so difficult. I wish I could feel the way he does, I wish I could just forget him and be happy.