NC log - a place to vent

[Angieeee]

Angiee next time dont break no contact unless she tells you she wants u back. They just contact us to see if they still have us than after that they disappear.

 

 

I'm trying so hard to continue with no contact. I should have already learned my lesson when she was stringing me along for 6 months. Waited until the holidays were over to tell me she wasn't feeling it.

I was feeling great and almost acompished 30 days when I had a weak moment and gave in to her. Yeah im going to be strong and not give in again

[lovelyworld]

I think once you break no contact you go back to the initial stages of a break up. Thats exactly how I'm feeling. So since i broke no contact she barely replied to my text but it made me feel worse.

I understand that feeling when you say songs, and couples. I just watched my friends snapchat and she is back with her ex gf. They were and on and off again couple like my ex gf and I. My friend told me she will never take her ex back but i guess now they are happily back together. I ing broke down. Its like i am happy for them but it reminded me of my ex

 

Yess...definitely takes you back to step one. I can relate about seeing others get back together...it really hits us deep down. We are happy for them, but it makes us ask the question "was our love with our exes not worth one more chance like other couples?".

It's so stupid how when we make contact we ruin all of the progress we made...yet, we take the shot because it could mean we could get back together and they would tell us they want us back. But you and I are on the same boat, I hope we'll get through it together.

[Vivi0476]

Warm Colorado day. I'm getting some reiki done to keep cutting those cords. My house is lovely clean and I have a date tonight. Different guy. I'm just getting used to talking to men again and being in their presence especially a man in my home. I think it's a Netflix and chill kinda night. It's nice when someone else finds you attractive. Whenever I get reiki done, my day after usually erupts in people showing up, phone calls, and more separation. I'd tell y'all about last week when I had it done but it's small things that are changing me. I threw out more stuff yesterday...more decluttering. More sunshine. Less sadness. I find myself thinking about him less and less and letting go of the marriage we once had and accepting what IS. You all have helped a lot with this. Thank you.

[lovelyworld]

Warm Colorado day. I'm getting some reiki done to keep cutting those cords. My house is lovely clean and I have a date tonight. Different guy. I'm just getting used to talking to men again and being in their presence especially a man in my home. I think it's a Netflix and chill kinda night. It's nice when someone else finds you attractive. Whenever I get reiki done, my day after usually erupts in people showing up, phone calls, and more separation. I'd tell y'all about last week when I had it done but it's small things that are changing me. I threw out more stuff yesterday...more decluttering. More sunshine. Less sadness. I find myself thinking about him less and less and letting go of the marriage we once had and accepting what IS. You all have helped a lot with this. Thank you.

 

Ahh I've always wanted to live in Colorado. I love this post because I can tell you've came a long way, and I'm soo happy for you.

Also, you just made me want to clean and declutter! You and Katara have brought up cleaning a lot, I think I need to jump on this wagon haha

[Vivi0476]

Ahh I've always wanted to live in Colorado. I love this post because I can tell you've came a long way, and I'm soo happy for you.

Also, you just made me want to clean and declutter! You and Katara have brought up cleaning a lot, I think I need to jump on this wagon haha

Its very liberating. In ways I can't describe

[Angieeee]

Yess...definitely takes you back to step one. I can relate about seeing others get back together...it really hits us deep down. We are happy for them, but it makes us ask the question "was our love with our exes not worth one more chance like other couples?".

It's so stupid how when we make contact we ruin all of the progress we made...yet, we take the shot because it could mean we could get back together and they would tell us they want us back. But you and I are on the same boat, I hope we'll get through it together.

 

Today sucked so I had order my ex gf a shirt months ago from a uk site. Its her favorite dj band. So today she received it and texted me "Angie after the way I acted you didnt have to get me anything. I don't deserve your kindness"

I had ordered it a couple months ago and totally forgot. I havent replied. I dont feel like I am not the boat lol I feel like I'm sinking

[Angieeee]

Warm Colorado day. I'm getting some reiki done to keep cutting those cords. My house is lovely clean and I have a date tonight. Different guy. I'm just getting used to talking to men again and being in their presence especially a man in my home. I think it's a Netflix and chill kinda night. It's nice when someone else finds you attractive. Whenever I get reiki done, my day after usually erupts in people showing up, phone calls, and more separation. I'd tell y'all about last week when I had it done but it's small things that are changing me. I threw out more stuff yesterday...more decluttering. More sunshine. Less sadness. I find myself thinking about him less and less and letting go of the marriage we once had and accepting what IS. You all have helped a lot with this. Thank you.

 

Have a good date night Vivi

I can tell that you are more at peace. I hope i can get to that point

[Vivi0476]

Have a good date night Vivi

I can tell that you are more at peace. I hope i can get to that point

You will. I feel like full NC really helped

[lovelyworld]

Today sucked so I had order my ex gf a shirt months ago from a uk site. Its her favorite dj band. So today she received it and texted me "Angie after the way I acted you didnt have to get me anything. I don't deserve your kindness"

I had ordered it a couple months ago and totally forgot. I havent replied. I dont feel like I am not the boat lol I feel like I'm sinking

 

You're not sinking...we are both just swimming to a different boat. I know you still love your ex, i can tell by the way you write about her. But we have to just let it be...let her come after you when she misses you. Just keep NC. Idk if you're gonna reply to her or not, but I'd say you don't have to...your action already spoke for you. It's your choice in the end : )

[lovelyworld]

So today...I have had the urge to send him a text. A text to wish him the best in his new relationship and that I hope he finds happiness. Idk how I get a change of heart in just 2 days. But then I realized maybe my message wasn't coming from the heart. I just like to leave in a calm way and in a very "final" and "formal" way. I also realized maybe I wanted him to see that I was fine it and think "oh, she doesn't care"....but hahahaha, who was I fooling. He doesn't give a crap lol. So I decided against sending him that text, and I feel so proud of myself! He does not deserve my best wishes.

 

I also had a lunch date with a friend, did a lot of venting to her, in addition to the venting I already do on here...can you believe it? Haha. Then she said something and asked "If he proposed to you in a month or 5 months or even a year, would you say yes?" and I definitely said "NO"....too much has happened, too much damage and mistrust. How can I marry someone like him? But despite everything, the heart still cares about a person like him.

[katara42]

Warm Colorado day. I'm getting some reiki done to keep cutting those cords. My house is lovely clean and I have a date tonight. Different guy. I'm just getting used to talking to men again and being in their presence especially a man in my home. I think it's a Netflix and chill kinda night. It's nice when someone else finds you attractive. Whenever I get reiki done, my day after usually erupts in people showing up, phone calls, and more separation. I'd tell y'all about last week when I had it done but it's small things that are changing me. I threw out more stuff yesterday...more decluttering. More sunshine. Less sadness. I find myself thinking about him less and less and letting go of the marriage we once had and accepting what IS. You all have helped a lot with this. Thank you.

I love reading this. I'm happy for you

[lovelyworld]

I was feeling good last night, but I just woke up crying. This feeling won't go away. I can't see myself getting over this anymore. I just keep crying now, but I felt good last night. I will never get happy about feeling good again because I know that feeling won't last long. This is so hard. Harder than the first time. I wish I could fast forward my life to a year later.

[Angieeee]

I was feeling good last night, but I just woke up crying. This feeling won't go away. I can't see myself getting over this anymore. I just keep crying now, but I felt good last night. I will never get happy about feeling good again because I know that feeling won't last long. This is so hard. Harder than the first time. I wish I could fast forward my life to a year later.

 

Hey Lovelyworld

I know that feeling. I actually have been getting a good nights sleep and thank god I havent had a any dreams with my ex. I think we should enjoy the present moment. [ATTACH]11292[/ATTACH]

[Vivi0476]

I was feeling good last night, but I just woke up crying. This feeling won't go away. I can't see myself getting over this anymore. I just keep crying now, but I felt good last night. I will never get happy about feeling good again because I know that feeling won't last long. This is so hard. Harder than the first time. I wish I could fast forward my life to a year later.

It took me a few weeks. I could only sleep if Amelie was playing in the background. I woke up crying every day. I cried when I came home at night...I just cried and it felt like I was never going to stop. Honestly it'll take some time. A lot of time. I had a 6 year marriage that has been cut out from me. 6 years...if I can do this, so can you honey. Keep being kind to yourself. Push through the pain. Your body and mind wont let you feel this for long.

[Vivi0476]

My date last night didnt leave til 6am *high five*. He knows I'm not ready for anything other than what happened last night. I was honest and open. He's cute, nice, polite, and a good ole fashioned country boy which I don't usually go for. He brought me flowers for chrissakes. I'm not used to that. However, I did tell him once I'm healed if we're still talking and having sleepovers we could discuss more at that time. Yay for the nice, non game playing, sweet guy that doesn't get friendzoned.

[Vivi0476]

Waiting for my first client. I realized this morning that I had to tell 2 friends not to tell me anything about his life anymore like how bad he's doing or that he keeps trying to make amends with people. It messes with my head. I feel bad for the guy and his crap decisions. I hope he survives this time in his life. But it's not my problem anymore and I had the tell them that.

 

On a happier note, country boy spent 2 hours texting me last night. The attention sure is nice. I don't want to wind up hurting this dude though. I'm honest and forthcoming about what I can give right now. Therefore I think I pose a challenge that he likes. I don't understand the psychology of that. Anyway, company is nice.

 

Hope everyone is having a better day.

[Angieeee]

Waiting for my first client. I realized this morning that I had to tell 2 friends not to tell me anything about his life anymore like how bad he's doing or that he keeps trying to make amends with people. It messes with my head. I feel bad for the guy and his crap decisions. I hope he survives this time in his life. But it's not my problem anymore and I had the tell them that.

 

On a happier note, country boy spent 2 hours texting me last night. The attention sure is nice. I don't want to wind up hurting this dude though. I'm honest and forthcoming about what I can give right now. Therefore I think I pose a challenge that he likes. I don't understand the psychology of that. Anyway, company is nice.

 

Hope everyone is having a better day.

I'm happy for you Vivi. I know where you are coming from. Since i work with my ex gfs brother. He would always tell me about her bad decisions and how she was doing drugs at some point. Thats when it broke me to reach out to her because I felt like i could help but hey like you saids its not your problem anymore.

[Vivi0476]

What the Heck?! I dreamt of him last night. I woke up stressed and missing him! What is THAT all about?! I realize its only been 2 months but I feel so strong...I thought he was gone from me. Gah!

[lovelyworld]

You are strong. Hopefully you're not thinking about the dream anymore by now...if only we could control our dreams

[GeekLover]

So it's been...14 weeks? 15 weeks? I'm losing track. But my therapist told me I needed to text him. I couldn't bring myself to do it so she did it for me. I'm actually not expecting a response at all, but her and I will figure out the next step if I do get something back. This is actually more for myself...to help me move on.

 

I'm happy that I'm not feeling regretful about this because, to be honest, I don't even know if I want to hear from him. As I said, it was done to put an end to my own madness...nothing more at this time.

[Vivi0476]

You are strong. Hopefully you're not thinking about the dream anymore by now...if only we could control our dreams

Yeah I just had to get on with my day and shake it off. I'm feeling better. Did lots of hair and made plans with Country Boy for Sunday night. Now I'm home with my dogs...my dogs make everything better.

[lovelyworld]

I went out for a little tonight. To avoid thinking of him, texting him, or stalking him. I just feel so blah and numb. When I think of him, it's as if I'm thinking of a stranger. I'm thinking of someone who has forgotten about me already. I'm wasting all of these emotions I feel on someone who's over me. This last time I broke NC, it showed me how broken we are together. It showed me it can't be fixed. It showed me that I finally have to leave him behind once and for all. Because that's what he wants.

Maybe I'll always wonder if he'll contact me again, maybe I'll always wonder if he ever thinks of me or misses me, but it's ok. I accept the wondering as part of the process. I just hope I don't disappoint myself again in breaking NC. My tears come and go constantly. I know I just need to keep going and not stop...no stopping this time because I can't take being sad like this again

[Vivi0476]

I went out for a little tonight. To avoid thinking of him, texting him, or stalking him. I just feel so blah and numb. When I think of him, it's as if I'm thinking of a stranger. I'm thinking of someone who has forgotten about me already. I'm wasting all of these emotions I feel on someone who's over me. This last time I broke NC, it showed me how broken we are together. It showed me it can't be fixed. It showed me that I finally have to leave him behind once and for all. Because that's what he wants.

Maybe I'll always wonder if he'll contact me again, maybe I'll always wonder if he ever thinks of me or misses me, but it's ok. I accept the wondering as part of the process. I just hope I don't disappoint myself again in breaking NC. My tears come and go constantly. I know I just need to keep going and not stop...no stopping this time because I can't take being sad like this again

How are you feeling today after going out? Being with friends and out and occupied really helped me.

[lovelyworld]

How are you feeling today after going out? Being with friends and out and occupied really helped me.

 

 

It helped a little. When I'm out for too long, my mind just starts to wander in the end. The moment I get home and I'm alone I start overthinking again. I just feel numb really, it's weird. I feel like I HAVE to keep going. I signed up to volunteer at a woman's shelter for next week and the next few weeks, to keep myself busy. My goal is to just make a plan every week to keep busy. Taking it week by week until I make it to a month because I have never not talked to him for a whole month.

[Angieeee]

I am so emotional today. I just realized that 4 years ago on Feb. 25 is when I first met my ex gf. Her bday is coming up I'm still debating if I want to even wish her a happy bday.

 

I feel ever since I broke no contact I can't get back on track. I havent been able to hit them gym since my ankle has been bothering me.

I'm still thinking about what she last texted me about how she doesnt deserve my kindness after the way she acted. I showed my friend and she thinks is BS she just wants redemption.