Sillybillycat

I miss our love. I miss what I thought we had and who I thought you were. I feel so broken and lonely, I feel like I gave you my all and now I have nothing to give to anyone else. You took me for granted, though, so I lost. I miss our love.

I find it funny and yet so sad how other people are feeling like I am. I don't wish this for anyone... except for you, maybe. That way you could finally understand how terribly you hurt me. I have this fantasy in which you think of me sometimes and miss me a little bit. That random things remind you of me and you feel at least a little nostalgic. But then reality hits and I know that's not gonna happen. That you're living as a happy mermaid with her, pretending I never existed and that you did nothing wrong. How unfair, it really makes me angry to think about it! You're entitled and a poser, and that drives me crazy! And still, I keep on giving you that much importance. Who's pathetic, then? You probably won't ever reach out to me again, even though you said you would... even though you said I was still the one. But hey, one more lie, you don't care, you never did. I want this to be over.

For me it's more like "I love you so much and I now you're the one". He said this to me the very last time we talked before he broke up with me.

Haha this applies to me too! It makes me so angry, though.

I need to remember this. Annia, your post should apply to me to. Especially today, that I feel my ego crushed. But I can't feel the last part, though. I don't wish him bad, I just wish he wasn't as happy as he seems to be.

Why are you like this? Why did you ever make me believe you actually loved me, and for so many years until the last day, if you didn't? What did I ever do to deserve the way you destroyed me inside? I was nothing but a good girlfriend for you. You said I was the one, you said you wanted to marry me. Where did all that go? You're now preaching love to someone else. You've bee doing it since day one after you left. How is that eve possible, you just met her? Why did you even bother in trying to get me back if you were gonna leave again and make me feel like nothing? Why wasn't I enough? How could you just leave me out like that, after nine freaking years and after all I ever did for you?! I don't f*cking get it! And finally... why can't I get over you.

I miss you. I miss talking to you and having you around. I miss our Sundays, and out wednesdays pizza nights. Why did you do this to me? Do you hate me? Why? What did I ever do to you, that justifies the way you treated me? Why do I miss you so much? I failed to listen how bad you were, failed to see how twisted you are inside. You think you can hurt other people as long as they aren't useful for you anymore, as long as you're fine. I was there for you for nine freaking months, even though you hurt me a lot of times throughout the years. I truest loved you, and it didn't matter at last, because you failed to see that. How am I so easily forgettable after all? I'm the only one who was always there, who honestly cared. How don't you miss that? I miss you like a crazy today. Not everyday, but today. I wonder what would happen if I randomly texted you. But i won't. It wouldn't be healthy for me, you're not a good person anymore. You're just a rich kid who thinks he's a man, you need people you can use. Why would I ever want to be with someone like you, knowing all this? You were charming, you were the best... were. I tried so hard... and I feel so stupid and invisible right now. I wonder if you ever think of me. I miss you.

I'm fine but, why did you do this to me?

I was so convinced that I didn't want you in my life again, until I saw that recent picture of you on my instagram last week. It took me by surprise, I didn't expect to bump into your face first thing in the morning. I haven't stop thinking of you ever since, but I wasn't quite sure why, until yesterday I couldn't hold it anymore and I just sat alone and sobbed, because I miss you so much. I suddenly understood (again) that we are never getting back together, even if you wanted to, because you broke some things that simply can't be fixed anymore. Seeing your face again just popped away my stupid fantasy of you thinking about me and missing me too. You probably are so self-absorbed that you don't even think of me. It's been 37 days of NC... I miss you. I miss the man you were last year, I don't even know at want point you changed so much, and when did I stop being your person. You told me you loved me everyday, even those weeks before breaking up with me, you told me you loved me. Even the day you left, you did. You didn't seem to be lying, but apparently you were. What about all our promises? I feel so stupid for being here again. I was feeling better and now I feel like I'm having to start over. I wish I could hate you, it would be much easier. I wish you weren't as successful, as arrogant, and as greedy. I know I shouldn't wish you bad things, but I really can't help but wish you were sad and alone, just as I am now.

Remember how you used to love me? What ever happened to that? Today I thought about you... a lot. I hate that I miss you so much, and you probably don't even think about me. I want to get to that day when I no longer feel like I lost you, but instead you feel that you lost me. I wonder if you'll ever try to reach for me again... How do I throw away our nine years together?

Today I remembered our get away weekend back in April. We had a great time, I felt so in love. You told everyone we met how I was the love of your life. We were happy. What happened? Why wasn't I enough for you? Do you miss me even a little at least? Is she really better than I was?

I'm sorry how everything ended between us. Who would've thought? Three months ago everything was different, at least I thought so. You say you don't love me anymore, I don't know since when. You never stopped being nice, and that's why I thought we were fine. I don't know if you were faking it then. The last times we spoke, during that time between being and not being something, you told me you loved me, repeatedly. You stated it in several conversations we had, and even repeated it the day you left. You insisted that "I was the one". Now you tell me it's been a while since you stopped feeling the same. I don't know if you're faking it now. I guess no... I wish you had told me the truth since the beginning. I don't know if you remember, but when we first got together you promised if something was wrong you would tell me before it was too late, so we could talk about it together. I wish you had told me since day one how you were feeling. Maybe we could have done something about it. I wish you had told me there was a third party involved. I know you met with her since before breaking up with me. I know it's her you were with that day in the island. I know you were with her out of town. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to accuse you, but you would have to believe I'm a fool if you thought I wouldn't realize about your lies. Obviously if you tell her you love her already, I don't think this is a month or a two week old issue. I wish you had told me the truth, since you know me and know how much I hate lies. Why wasn't I enough? Or what was I missing for you to not fall out of love? I made everything I could to make you happy... And you threw our nine year history away for someone you just met. You know I didn't deserve this treat, and the relationship we had didn't deserve such an awful ending. I now know we can't be together, since you have a horrible way of changing when something or someone isn't useful for you anymore. You didn't have to be so hurtful with me. But honestly I'm not even sure you understand what I'm talking about, I wish you could see yourself from the outside, and see what a drastic change. You seem to be someone else. I want you to understand that breaking up with someone doesn't mean to destroy her to come out victorious, it doesn't mean to hate her or to treat her bad. I know I'm wrong here, but I honestly expected you to try clearing things up, with a cooler head. You were wrong, i wasn't - nor aren't - asking you to come back, I simply didn't want such a dirty closure. But I was wrong, since you don't even feel guilty about the way you talked to me, not even because of all that times we were happy, not for all our memories together. This last year flashes through my mind as a lightning, showing me pictures of us together doing whatever. Especially those lasts two months, so difficult in time, and even though I felt we were connecting more than ever, because we were accomplishing the challenge it was to get to see each other less. I remember your words the day you took off to the island, before and after I found out. It's useless to repeat them, since you probably said it without really feeling it. That's where I was wrong, because I believed every word you said to me, and every word I said to you came right from my heart. I'm not pretending to be perfect, however this time I know it wasn't on me, because I gave everything I had and tried to communicate with you. I'm sorry it wasn't enough for you or that it bored you. You left that day, relieved. I, however, stayed to pick up the broken pieces you left inside me. I'm sorry how everything ended between us.

I'm sorry for the things I said. But what about what you said? What I said was just angry cursing, but not nearly as hurtful as what you told me. Why can't I just move on? I wish I could shut you off my head. You have moved on. You did before leaving, and you even took three weeks to process it, not talking to me but knowing what was going on. You lied to me. You lied to me before breaking up. Remember how you told me you had never seen her and that you didn't know her? How you told me how busy you were? I believed you, and I told everyone how proud I was of you. You lied to me during our break up. You repeatedly told me how happy you were with me, how much you loved me, that I was the one, and that someday you'd come back and fight for me to give me what I deserve. You told me you didn't have the time for a relationship right now. You swore this wasn't for someone else. Now you've told me you don't love me. You act like you hate me, but why? Honestly, what did I ever do to you, besides loving you? Is she really that amazing? You threw away everything we had for someone you just met. Is she your new trophy? I honestly thought this foreign girl obsession was over. Is that why? I don't think you will apologize, or reach for me to talk and finally tell me the truth. I don't even know what you think of me now, or if you even think of me. I want you to come back, but I know I shouldn't. And if you ever do, I can't accept you anymore. But I thought you were the one, and I fear to have lost true love forever. I hope one day you regret this. I hope you turn back to look at me and see me happy with someone who truly cares for me and loves me deeply. Someone committed to me and not only to himself with me as an accessory. You really don't deserve me, but I can't stop loving you. I'm a mess. I wish you realized how much I love you. Remember our long talks in your car? I miss you everyday. I miss you kissing my forehead, I miss your parents, I miss you dog. Why can't you miss me too? I still can't believe you left me for someone else after everything we've been through, and you couldn't even tell me the truth. I wonder if someone will ever love me, because apparently you haven't, and it's been nine years since I'm with you. I wonder if I'll ever love someone else. I miss the old you, not this narcissistic monster you've turned into. I saw you before all the money, thw body, the car, the important job and the good contacts. You turned into an . I can't believe I still love you, I'm stuck in all the good times we had. I cry every morning and dream of you at nights. But I know you don't care, so I'll never tell you.