Overprotective parents are keeping me from my niece

[Fudgie]

Yeah that's the thing - I wouldn't want to get in trouble. I have no idea what to say - it depends on the parents and their boundaries. So I just keep my mouth shut.

 

Aunts/uncles have no legal rights to their nieces/nephews. None! Most workplaces with bereavement policies don't even count them as "family members" for bereavement benefits.

[Seraphim]

I know the OP wanted to be a friend to his nephew and thought it was no big deal he was smoking pot. BUT that is something his parents should have known. You are not there to be a 16-year-old's buddy while he does things against his family's values . A 16 year old is not an adult nor is a 19 year old really.

[qwaspolk82]

Sounds like they don't want someone as judgmental as you are about their lifestyle around their children. It is their children and they get to choose who interacts with them even when it comes to blood relatives. I would not let a regular pot smoker around my son especially if the person smelled like it or possibly had the residue on clothing, in a purse, etc. You don't get to judge whether they're overbearing. Here's how you approach it. Say respectfully "I respect your decision despite not liking it and missing seeing your children. I never said or did anything to encourage your son to smoke and I never would. I only had the best intentions. If you ever want input on your parenting choices from me let me know."

 

When your niece and nephew are adults they can make their own choices.

 

The nephew is an adult - he's 21. He did make his own choice about smoking pot - and they are blaming the uncle/aunt for their son smoking pot.

[Batya33]

The nephew is an adult - he's 21. He did make his own choice about smoking pot - and they are blaming the uncle/aunt for their son smoking pot.

 

I don't think you read the whole thread. Also sounds like the 21 year old still lives with the parents, which changes things too.

[Seraphim]

The part I would not like is the uncle being party to deception .

[qwaspolk82]

I don't think you read the whole thread. Also sounds like the 21 year old still lives with the parents, which changes things too.

 

"But they recently found out that their 21 year old son (my nephew) smokes pot and now they think it's because of me like I'm some bad influence on him. They also think he can't cope with living on his own and that's why he smokes weed. He's in college and enjoys smoking pot. College kids are exposed to everything under the sun, yet his parents think that I'm somehow to blame. To the point that they recently decided that I'm not allowed to see their other child (my 13-year old niece) without them around."

 

I looked through the OP again and saw nothing about a 16 year old. I saw 21 year old nephew and 13 year old niece.

 

It doesn't change things if a 21 year old lives with his parents. He's still 21. He can still make adult decisions. His parents can kick him out if they don't like him smoking pot but they can't stop him from smoking pot.

[qwaspolk82]

I know the OP wanted to be a friend to his nephew and thought it was no big deal he was smoking pot. BUT that is something his parents should have known. You are not there to be a 16-year-old's buddy while he does things against his family's values . A 16 year old is not an adult nor is a 19 year old really.

 

Who is 16? The OP's nephew is 21. Legally a 19 year old is an adult. Legally most 18 year olds are adults and can make adult decisions. Granted some don't act as such - but neither do some people in their 30s or 40s sometimes either.

[Seraphim]

Who is 16? The OP's nephew is 21. Legally a 19 year old is an adult. Legally most 18 year olds are adults and can make adult decisions. Granted some don't act as such - but neither do some people in their 30s or 40s sometimes either.

 

To me an adult is a self sufficient person fully looking after themselves not a legal number. But the parents have every right to determine what a 13 year old does.

[Batya33]

"But they recently found out that their 21 year old son (my nephew) smokes pot and now they think it's because of me like I'm some bad influence on him. They also think he can't cope with living on his own and that's why he smokes weed. He's in college and enjoys smoking pot. College kids are exposed to everything under the sun, yet his parents think that I'm somehow to blame. To the point that they recently decided that I'm not allowed to see their other child (my 13-year old niece) without them around."

 

I looked through the OP again and saw nothing about a 16 year old. I saw 21 year old nephew and 13 year old niece.

 

It doesn't change things if a 21 year old lives with his parents. He's still 21. He can still make adult decisions. His parents can kick him out if they don't like him smoking pot but they can't stop him from smoking pot.

 

Sure they can - they can kick him out and notify the authorities if it's illegal -or threaten to. The issue here is that they don't want uncle around the niece alone because they know his values justify keeping secrets like drug use from them, and they know he also uses drugs.