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Parents offer to pay but moan?


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Im in my final year of my postgrad studies, which financially has been a struggle as my scholarship ran out a few months ago. I make a bit of money from teaching.

I received an invoice from my university for my writing up year which I wasn't expecting until summer so was a bit stressed out. Anyway my mum said she would like to pay it to help me out.

Thing is when I heard her tell my dad he said "fine we will pay it, but after that, that's it". I decided to talk to them both and I said I'd like to pay it myself I'll just work out a budget etc. But they were adamant they'd like to pay it as it's a "business" payment to help my future not a luxury thing.

So I'm confused. If I let them pay they resent me, but when I argue they are insistent. What would you do?

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You said you weren't expecting it, so were a bit stressed out. So you can understand if they also weren't expecting it and maybe felt a bit stressed themselves. That doesn't exactly mean they are resentful or moaning. They said "fine we will pay it, but after that, that's it" to make it clear what can be expected down the road, and you can plan accordingly or find other solutions (without you feeling resentful or moaning about them, hopefully). Perhaps you could have gone to the school and worked with a budget there? Or taken out a loan? Applied for an emergency grant? (If such a thing exist?) Or sold some belongings? I know it is tough to get an unexpected bill, it can be extremely stressful. You never know how tight money is for other people, and if they get stressed about it, try not to take it personally. You may not see their bigger picture.


I don't understand why you told them you'd "like to" pay it yourself but "work out a budget". If you could do that, why didn't you in the first place, instead of going to your parents? That's confusing.

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I get the feeling that the OP was talking to her mum about it, not asking for a handout.


Oh, then perhaps it is more about her mother not being able to untie the apron strings, and the stress with her father is more about that? She, meaning the mother, says "she" would like to pay it, yet it sounds like she relies on her husband to help come up with the funds. Perhaps it is more about their relationship than the OP?

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Thanks for the advice everyone (overlooking the possibly sarcastic reply). I do like the idea of paying them back when I am earning proper money.


Yes I happened to be with mum when I got the email invoice and cos it's a lot of money going out close to Christmas I like to be honest about what I can afford. My parents have joint bank account so they'd have to make that kind of decision together.

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i understand you completely on this. my parents often did this, agree to do something but make it known they didnt want to do it... it makes you feel like s**t ... they should either do it because they want to or dont do it at all... because it encourages you to feel shame... grrr makes me mad.


so your reason for then going back and saying you will work out a payment plan is because they made you feel ashamed to be asking.


we all have pride and none of us like to feel this way so if it makes you feel more pride to pay it back then pay it back in instalments as you suggested. do what makes you feel better and tell them how it made you feel too

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It doesn't sound as though they're begrudging the payment, but rather that they intended to pay your next invoice but were as surprised by its timing as you were. NObody sounds 'happy' about paying bills earlier than expected.


I'd skip feeling lousy about this, and demo the appropriate gratitude toward their gesture. You'll all be thanking one another at your graduation.


Head high.

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