Revenge

[dfreitas]

Okay this is going to sound heineous but, there has got to be SOMEONE out there who has some sort of clever idea about how to anonymously, in some sneaky abstract way as to not be known to throw a wrench in someones life, it must be done. i am not a vendictive person at heart really, but in this particular case, this is a must for amny reasons. How can you either by letter, or message, or some way shape or form cause a person, who lives quite a ways away from you, get fired, ya know have trouble for the job to the point where it would be in jeapordy I know it sounds evil, but trust me this is the best hting for everyone. I was thinking a letter to some head hauncho about something but what and how to mae it count to where that person would be questioned or I dont know anyone out there who can help me out with throwing an anonymous wrench?????

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

I am sure many of us have thought of revenging the ex. I won't assist you in finding a way to get him fired though. Revenge is just a temporary satisfaction and anger release. It doesn't make things better, and if you really plan on doing something, it might just be that someone finds out and you will be the one who ends up punished for it.

 

The energy you want to use to revenge him, is better used to spend just at yourself. Don't mistake me, I know how this anger feels. It's beyond words, you want to harm that person, but not really, you just want that you never loved a person and let him hurt you so badly.

 

Use the energy of anger in a positive way. That way it will last for you, and not be wasted on him.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[DN]

If this is about your ex. your anger is understandable but revenge is not the answer. Even if you were able to accomplish revenge, the chances are that any feelings of satisfaction would soon be replaced by feelings of guilt - at least, if you have a conscience they would be.

 

The fact is, he broke up with you - and he is entitled to do that. The way he broke up may have been wrong, but he is not wrong for wanting the break-up.

 

Rather than obsess about him, to the point of plotting this sort of revenge, you would be better occupied in getting over him and moving on with your life. Perhaps you should see a therapist, or join a support group. You should certainly be doing the standard things that are advised in getting over an ex: new activities, new friends, keeping yourself occupied etc.

 

I hope that no one on here with a conscience would help you plot the sort of thing that you want to do. I also hope that even if you were able to exact that sort of revenge you would think better of it. You would be a lesser person if you went through with it.

[dfreitas]

True, it is bad, I admit it but I hate it that someone can wipe their feet on someone all their life and ALWAY ALWAYS come out smelling like a rose. I dont know how to turn my energy to getting over it there are no therapist around here Ive already tried. i dont know where to start on what to do.

[DN]

What hobbies or pastimes do you have. What are you interested in (other than revenge )

 

The trick is to find something that will interest and challenge you intellectually so that you are not constantly thinking about him. It is not easy but as you go on the interest in the activity will gradually push out the thoughts about him.

[dfreitas]

i dont know really i cant think of anything or focus on anything im floundering, drowning.

[arwen]

When I felt like this, I started swimming competitively. I lost a lot of my anger by training consistently and persistently. Great for spirit and mind! Any form of sport (what about kick boxing or taking a selfdefense class?) will give you a release from your anger. It will of course take time to get rid of the anger. The key is to not let this thing turn you bitter.

 

By the way, why do you think that he comes out smelling like a rose after the way he treated you? I personally find much more comfort in the phrase 'what goes around, comes around'. I don't know if it's true of course, but by leaving 'revenge' up to fate or universe or karma is just making me feel relieved that I won't have to waste anymore energy on the ex.

 

He doesn't deserve to loose his job because of things in his personal life. Nor does he deserve the energy you'd invest in him just to revenge him

 

Ilse.

[Day_Walker]

If you cant think of anything constructive to do that will help you deal with your feelings about this person then why dont you directly deal with them in a positive way. Obviously revenge isnt the answer, its not going to solve anything, it would only be instant gratification and it wouldnt make you feel any better. I would say that you should get a Legal Pad and get out all that you that you feel on a piece of paper. Once you get out what you are feeling at that moment stop. Do this whenever you feel over emotional. At some point read over what you have written and see how far you have come.

[dfreitas]

Nothing bad ever happens to him nothing wrong nothing sad everything is always fine always for the six years andthen some that i have known him fate dosnt work against him in this guys case it would need a push but everyone things that is crazy i dont i think a little suffering would be the best thing for him bring him down a notch or two, sho him he too can experience hurt or unhappiness he doesnt care guys this guy is the eviliest person please take it from me im an intelligent person i wouldnt say this about just anyone. there have been bad people i have come accross but this guy is the antichrist i am not kidding he needs some notches out of his belt but believe me it will never eve happen on its own appreciate the suggestions i will start jogging again if the depression will quit zapping my energy and motivation i havent slept all night and struggling thru work as it isl. Tiredness does not go well with depression it makes it wors.e

[DN]

If you are clinically depressed then you should see a psychatrist to get medication and therapy. Both together are far more effective then alone. Bear inmind that you need a diagnosis for clinical depression, it is more than just a negative feeling. But you should see someone soon.

 

Frankly, I was concerned at the compostion of your last post - no punctuation, etc. It seems frenzied and not very rational. See someone as soon as you can.

[shes2smart]

What we do -- for good or ill -- ALWAYS comes back to us. Maybe not right away, but each of us reaps as we sow.

 

Even if you could inflict some sort of revenge on him, whatever small thing you could do would be insignificant compared to the way his own actions will eventually catch up to him.

 

If you choose to pursue a course of revenge, understand that your own actions will return to you sometime down the road as well. Do you really want to deal with that?

 

If it would be therapeutic for you, there's nothing wrong in imagining or writing out what you could do....as long as you stop there. No sending hate mail or actually following through with your plotting. This would be done purely to express it and get it out of your head. In fact, you might find it very therapeutic to write down all the stuff about him that pisses you off, and the stuff you'd like to do to him to make him pay, then burn the paper you wrote on and scatter the ashes -- sort of a symbolic letting it go. Then again, I'm big into personal rituals like that...someone who's not probably wouldn't get anything out of it.

 

As always, you have free will. If you are hell-bent on pursuing revenge, that's what you'll choose. Just understand what it is you are choosing and how that "what comes around goes around" thing works before you do anything.

[rainy soul]

Hey girl,

Believe me I know exactly how you feel, how is it that these people can seemingly get away with everything. Remember the saying nice guys finsish last? Unfortunately this is usually the truth.

 

On the other hand, all we have in life is our integrity, our good hearts, our truth our word. Don't let your character be compromised by your anger that is stemming from terrible hurt, if you do he wins. If you do you have only sunk to his level, and although that may provide some very temporary satisfaction in the end you will end up feeling guilty because you have compromised your integrity and noone can save you from that. We don't know what life has instore for any of us. I do believe that somewhere sometime there is always a price to pay for these people and for our own actions as well. Fantasize all you want about getting him fired, I know I have about taking a rocket launcher to my ex's house, but sooner or later that fantasy gets boring and our energy is wasted! They don't deserve this much attention! Every person will have their moment of judgement, nobody is perfect but when your day comes, why add something more to the list! Stay strong!

[dfreitas]

guys I know, you are right, I wont do anything but I think about it alot and I wish. I guess it is a result from being burned sooooo badly. I just dont understand how one person can treat another so horribly for no reason now I think I actually know how horrible it is for abused children who love their parents but their parents hurt them for no reason no wonder kids like that come out psychologically messed up this is the same thing I mean when you really seriously do not do anything at all wrong and do nothing to deserve it, It makes absolutely no sense but you can see where I am coming from some of you I mean doesnt it just boil you after a while someone is so mean and cruel andyou are always the one who ends up being the fool. They never fall they never feel bad nothing ever drops on them ever ever ever and they just go around kicking the dirt from their boots in your face like you are singled out target and they keep rolling on up the stairs instead of down and every one in their circle things they are such a great guy and a great friend and blah blah blah and you want to shout from the rooftops no you guys are decieved you are wrong if you only knew how he really is. And if it ever comes out he denies it and every one in his circle believes him because he is sooooo wonderful ..................Now c'mon no one things someone like that deserves even a little wrench??????I wont do anything but that is how I feel it is terrible someone who treats someone like that should be stung up for a while so they can take a really good look at themselves if they dont then how else will they ever quit hurting and bleating about themselves. Maybe they never will in this case he will die on top. I know it.

[rainy soul]

Keep on raging, better here than in real life...here I'll tell you something that will get your blood boiling. My fiance broke up with me on New years eve, basically never talked to me afterward to see how I was doing, partied his face off and still is and started sleeping with other women (lots of them) 2weeks after he broke off our 4year engagement. Just to add to that, my so called friends ya all the ones that said he was treating me badly and that I was too good for him, well their hanging out with him, partying with him and hanging out with his new ladies. And where am I here alone asking myself why he gets off so scottfree praying he'll get an STD! I can't even move back to the town where I've lived for four years for the summer even though that was my plan even before we broke up...no he gets everything and i have lost everything and for absolutely no reason!!!! ok enough of my rant this is your post...so feel free to rant all you want because i know exactly how you feel!

[dfreitas]

SEE!!!!!!!!! SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!!!!!!!!! they come out great, no matter what yes that is worse your friends all chiming in also. Cant trust anyone can you. I just cant believe out of this whole wide vast world we pick to fall head over heels in love with guys who turn out cruel and rude and heartless. I bet the majority of them are that way. I just doubt I will ever be that way again with anyone ya know I dont want to I wanted it with him he burned me I feel like I will ever be sad. My whole dream lost. I just hate going through this but thatnks for listening and replying hearing your story makes me feel gee I am not the only one, I wonder how you initially handled it though I mean four years is a long time.

[rainy soul]

well, I only found out a week ago, and let me tell you it was quite a scene! The worst part was he had called me only a few days before and I had gone no contact for a few weeks and I was thinking to myself wow maybe he does miss me maybe he will come around. I was feeling so good that finally I could talk to him and wasn't a mess...little did I know he was smugly sitting there thinking to himself..."ha, she has no idea," and I didn't! After I found out I moved from the 'getting back together,' forum to this one. What horrible things did your jerk do? As for not wanting to meet anyone, go through this again...I know exactly what your talking about, whats the point of investing so much of your soul into something to have it turn to this, or better yet meeting another loser and fiding out when its too late who they really are! Take care

[fantasia2004]

I failed to disagree

[fantasia2004]

I failed to disagree with this comment half of the time----

What we do -- for good or ill -- ALWAYS comes back to us. Maybe not right away, but each of us reaps as we sow

[DN]

Firstly - not all guys are like that. And plenty of women treat their partners as badly. I realise you have been burnt and are hurting but please don't generalise about men in that way. Not least, because it will not help you.

 

Secondly, I keep reading variations on "he dumped me for no reason". There is always a reason. You may not like it, or agree with it. It may be selfish, or shallow, or hurtful. But there is a reason. And it may in part be something about you. If you retreat into victimhood, and do not analyse the reasons or possible reasons for the break-up and your possible contribution to it, it will not help you tp avoid repeating any mistakes you made in a future relationship.

[shes2smart]

I failed to disagree with this comment half of the time----

What we do -- for good or ill -- ALWAYS comes back to us. Maybe not right away, but each of us reaps as we sow

 

Quite often this happens over time. If we are talking about someone else's actions coming back to them, we may not get to see or hear of it. If they are out of our lives, there is no way to know when/how it may have happened. If we are not close to them, they may choose not to share intimate information with us.

 

It is also not a linear thing: If I do "x" to person B, then person B will do "y" to me. Sometimes you "x" to person B, then years down the road, long after you've split up with and forgotten person B, you'll be on the opposite end of a similar situation with an entirely different person.

 

This is a very subtle process, and if you're not paying close attention and have a good memory (or in my case a journal where everything gets written down so I don't have to remember) it is very easy to miss. But once seen in all its subtlety, it can't NOT be seen anymore.

[grinand bearit]

I know how you feel. For months after he dumped me ( I never saw it coming), I amused myself with revenge fantasies. Like your situation, this guy always looked like a winner to his friends, co-workers (anybody but those who knew him intimately!)

I knew I knew how to hit him hard. I had it all plotted out. I never followed through, mostly through fear of being found out, afraid of repercussions.

Now, I really do believe that it is better not to have tried to hurt him. Oh, I know he deserves it, but I think that it will happen in ways I don't know, at a time I probably won't know. Just that, given who he is, somehow, sometime, he will get what's coming! And, yes, I would much rather that I got to witness it, or even that I caused it---but, it isn't worth my risking my well being for anymore.

Now, it I could figure out a way to get the job done without fear of being caught....? To be honest with you, I don't think that dream will go away easily!

 

Be well, try to put that creative energy to better use..

 

grin

[fantasia2004]

I failed to disagree with this comment half of the time----

What we do -- for good or ill -- ALWAYS comes back to us. Maybe not right away, but each of us reaps as we sow

 

Quite often this happens over time. If we are talking about someone else's actions coming back to them, we may not get to see or hear of it. If they are out of our lives, there is no way to know when/how it may have happened. If we are not close to them, they may choose not to share intimate information with us.

 

It is also not a linear thing: If I do "x" to person B, then person B will do "y" to me. Sometimes you "x" to person B, then years down the road, long after you've split up with and forgotten person B, you'll be on the opposite end of a similar situation with an entirely different person.

 

This is a very subtle process, and if you're not paying close attention and have a good memory (or in my case a journal where everything gets written down so I don't have to remember) it is very easy to miss. But once seen in all its subtlety, it can't NOT be seen anymore.

 

 

 

 

Maybe be so, that is true and karma does exists, but in reality it is possible in times without wishing it and planned very carefully that revengeful acts can be carried out without you the individual, suffering from payback time.

 

It has to happen.

 

I believe it.

[brando]

why waste your thoughts on revenge?? It is childish and inmature.

 

their r forces far greater than yourself to show this person their wrongs.. or the lessons they'll need to learn.

 

concentrate on living your life, having fun and being happy. Hell, be happy for them. This is the ultimate revenge.

[kate111]

I agree with Brando that living well is the best revenge.

 

I also fantasised about revenge.

 

But in the end, be the better, bigger person. Just because your ex treated you like crap doesn't mean that you have to stoop to his level and do the same thing. Be a modern hero and let it go. After all the Pope forgave the man who attempted to kill him, and doing something like that is pretty amazing.

 

Don't compromise your own ethics and morals, be an amazing person. Feel proud of yourself to be strong and do the right thing.

 

Revenge is just a way of lashing out at somebody who hurt you, and in romantic scenarios the person who inflicts the revenge does it because they HATE the other person but want to have contact with them in some way anyway because hate and love are flipsides of the same coin, ie because they still have feeling for them. Revenge won't make them care about you or change them or make them learn. They must do that for themselves and you must deal with the fact that they are not in your life anymore.

 

Hold your head high and act like you don't care. THIS is the best way to get revenge. Trust me.

[kungfumaster]

why spend all your effort with that?? its just a waste of time, plus if you believe in karma - you will get bad karma in the end. yes - living well is the best revenge, but its not really revenge - its just how it should be, period. there are better ways of constructively expressing your anger, e.g., excercise, humor, etc... and you'll look good and be more popular for it

 

hayah!