Heartbroken and feeling stupid

[Butterflyxx]

I stupidly unblocked my ex on Facebook and attempted contact. He completely ignored me so after trying to get in touch with his friend, I realised that he just doesn't want any contact with me.

I feel so stupid and upset.

To make matters worse, I came across a picture of him and another female, and they seem pretty close.

I'm absolutely devastated

All hope is lost

[boltnrun]

I'm sorry you feel bad.

 

But...you still had hope? You know nothing would change, because the relationship was totally one-sided. You cared WAY more than he did.

 

Do you feel like you'd rather have 4 hours a week with him (and nothing more) than be without him at all? Because that is selling yourself way too short and is a poor, poor relationship.

 

I hope you want better for yourself.

 

Go ahead and re-block him, and put the focus on you instead of on him.

[pippy longstocking]

oh honey (((((((( hugs))))))

 

ok well you did what you had to do ..that is how I look at it ...no matter what people say on here everyone will then go and do what they want ..and that's fine , I have broken every * rule in the book .

 

please block him now , you have to start the journey of healing at some point and this seems like a good time to start , I am sorry you are so hurt xx

[moodindigo91]

Reblock him and don't attempt contact again! It will only cause these kinds of set-backs. Now that you did that, I am sure it almost feels like you reverted back to how you felt when you originally broke up, which is devastated and low. You need to do things that make you feel confident and happy! Stay on the right track, and you will be fine.

[Wiseman2]

Stalking your ex and worse his friends will hurt and upset you. Try to get on some dating apps and involved in your own life, friends, school, activities and interests. Becoming obsessive is unhealthy.

I stupidly unblocked my ex on Facebook and attempted contact. He completely ignored me so after trying to get in touch with his friend, I realised that he just doesn't want any contact with me.

[pippy longstocking]

how you doing darling ... please block him , don't torture yourself with this pic ..I can just picture you sat there looking and trying to work out what , where , when , how ...

[pippy longstocking]

darling if you are reading this at all please go and be with your friends or your mum xxx thinking about you

[Lola216]

You could potentially deactivate your FB to end the temptation of checking up on him and/or his friends.

[Butterflyxx]

Last night I stupidly text my ex saying I missed him etc. He replied saying he did too...we had a normal conversation but not like we used to, like we were friends.

Anyway he told me that he needs more time to 'realise how much he can't survive without me' and that he doesn't realise what he has until it's gone.

Anyway so after our general chat I said I was going to bed, and I asked if he wanted to talk tomorrow but he said to talk at the weekend because he needs to focus on his studies.

He said he loved me and that was the end of the conversation.

 

I'm reluctant to make any contact with him this weekend because I don't think he wants to get back together (and thinking rationally neither do I, because talking to him made me realise the reasons why we broke up in the first place), but I feel like he's giving me false hope because if he didn't want to talk to me he wouldn't have done.

I feel stupid because he was probably saying all those things just as an excuse because he doesn't want to be with me. And, now I saw that picture of him with some girl at university I feel replaced and so hurt.

 

Do you think it's best to delete his number and carry on moving on as I was before? And what are your opinions on this situation?

 

*update: this morning I messaged him saying I thought it was best if we left one another alone and I have now deleted his number and I'm not going to contact him*

[Butterflyxx]

how you doing darling ... please block him , don't torture yourself with this pic ..I can just picture you sat there looking and trying to work out what , where , when , how ...

 

It really came as a shock he told me he could never move on from me and he lied I feel so heartbroken and so stupid

[Capricorn3]

Threads have been merged.(Pertains to same topic).

 

OP, there really is no need to start a new topic (or topics) every day when it all pertains to the same thing. Simply continue in one. Thanks.

[rich46]

*update: this morning I messaged him saying I thought it was best if we left one another alone and I have now deleted his number and I'm not going to contact him*

Excellent. Now stick to it. Indefinitely.

[Butterflyxx]

He said last night: "I'm not moving on and I neve will move on, I want you to be mine forever and that's a fact but I just need time to realise how much I cannot survive without you, that's how I work I don't realise what I have til it's gone"... what does he mean by that??

[rich46]

He said last night: "I'm not moving on and I neve will move on, I want you to be mine forever and that's a fact but I just need time to realise how much I cannot survive without you, that's how I work I don't realise what I have til it's gone"... what does he mean by that??

He is keeping you there, hanging by a thread, stringing you along, however you want to describe it. Not unusual behaviour by a dumper, which is one of a multitude of reasons why you should implement no contact immediately after the break up occurs. You haven't done that and it has led to so much confusion.

 

Better late than never, and it is imperative for you to start now.

 

I have doubts about whether you have the strength to do this alone though, given your age and the content of your posts, so it could be worth visiting a therapist who can help you to get on the road to recovery. That is nothing to be ashamed about, by the way. Otherwise, just keep reading and reading and hopefully you will learn from this experience in the long run.

[Butterflyxx]

He is keeping you there, hanging by a thread, stringing you along, however you want to describe it. Not unusual behaviour by a dumper, which is one of a multitude of reasons why you should implement no contact immediately after the break up occurs. You haven't done that and it has led to so much confusion.

 

Better late than never, and it is imperative for you to start now.

 

I have doubts about whether you have the strength to do this alone though, given your age and the content of your posts, so it could be worth visiting a therapist who can help you to get on the road to recovery. That is nothing to be ashamed about, by the way. Otherwise, just keep reading and reading and hopefully you will learn from this experience in the long run.

 

I had a feeling he was doing that. I feel incredibly confused and hurt by it all. And I agree, due to my age and the fact that this is my first breakup etc I am feeling extremely vulnerable, hence why I keep posting on here, I feel a sense of direction when people are telling me not to contact him because if I didn't have that support and guidance I would be literally running after him again.

I come from the UK, does a therapist cost?

[rich46]

I had a feeling he was doing that. I feel incredibly confused and hurt by it all. And I agree, due to my age and the fact that this is my first breakup etc I am feeling extremely vulnerable, hence why I keep posting on here, I feel a sense of direction when people are telling me not to contact him because if I didn't have that support and guidance I would be literally running after him again.

I come from the UK, does a therapist cost?

Yeah you are inexperienced with these things. Everybody on this forum was too at some point. I know I was. First found this site 12 years ago and would spend days reading thread after thread. invaluable knowledge here, which you will learn in time.

 

I'm from the UK too, but I don't live there anymore, so I don't know how much a counsellor would cost. As I say though, it could help you a lot, even just a session or two initially. I like to think that I am experienced with break ups, and I know how to get over them and the steps to take, but even so I still attended one counselling session here in Japan last year and it helped a great deal to get everything off my chest.

 

Keep posting - we all know what you are going through, and you can learn a lot from the wise people here

[Butterflyxx]

Yeah you are inexperienced with these things. Everybody on this forum was too at some point. I know I was. First found this site 12 years ago and would spend days reading thread after thread. invaluable knowledge here, which you will learn in time.

 

I'm from the UK too, but I don't live there anymore, so I don't know how much a counsellor would cost. As I say though, it could help you a lot, even just a session or two initially. I like to think that I am experienced with break ups, and I know how to get over them and the steps to take, but even so I still attended one counselling session here in Japan last year and it helped a great deal to get everything off my chest.

 

Keep posting - we all know what you are going through, and you can learn a lot from the wise people here

 

The only issue is that I don't really have much money and I don't think I'd be able to get a therapist. Would writing on here help as another way to do it?

How are you able to move on? I just feel like I'm stuck. I feel like he gave me hope and that one day we will talk again and everything will be ok again.

[Birdie]

But you dumped him! YOU'RE sending him mixed messages and leading him on....you complain about how poorly he treated you and how he gives you false hope, but you're doing the exact same!

 

You need to take some accountability for your role in everything. This is extremely dysfunctional.

[pippy longstocking]

Darling you can contact MIND they do free therapy you just have to get your name down . Also are you in school still because all our high schools and colleges have therapists or you can go to your GP and ask if you can be refered .

 

please stay strong and try and get any ideas of getting back with him out of your head xx

[pippy longstocking]

[pippy longstocking]

How are you able to move on? I just feel like I'm stuck. I feel like he gave me hope and that one day we will talk again and everything will be ok again.

 

 

first of all you have to turn this around .. your reason for been here is to some day be back with him ......you have no other points in life , no golas , no future , you are consumed with him ... you have to start creating a life for yourself ..you have friends , you have to go out with them , start mixing , going to pubs and clubs , Only you are

keeping you stuck ...

 

Yo have to be really tough and string with yourself and keep saying in your head ..I have a life without him , I am going to be happy and move forward ..keep saying ti over and over ..feel strong ...tell yourself you are strong . We cannot do this for you , there isn't any quick way except to accept and go forward with life . We all go through this heartbreak honestly ..every one of us has felt what you are feeling . keep talking on here and getting it all out xx

[Butterflyxx]

first of all you have to turn this around .. your reason for been here is to some day be back with him ......you have no other points in life , no golas , no future , you are consumed with him ... you have to start creating a life for yourself ..you have friends , you have to go out with them , start mixing , going to pubs and clubs , Only you are

keeping you stuck ...

 

Yo have to be really tough and string with yourself and keep saying in your head ..I have a life without him , I am going to be happy and move forward ..keep saying ti over and over ..feel strong ...tell yourself you are strong . We cannot do this for you , there isn't any quick way except to accept and go forward with life . We all go through this heartbreak honestly ..every one of us has felt what you are feeling . keep talking on here and getting it all out xx

 

One thing I'm looking forward to is going to university in September. I want to be a primary school teacher. This is my last year at school and exams are very important so maybe that can be my main focus this year.

At uni I'll be able to socialise with new people and gain some independence.

I'm going to REALLY turn everything around I hope. I have a diary I write in when I feel upset and this gives me great comfort. I have one friend who is my only friend but she doesn't really understand my situation that much.

i really need to get a grip to be honest haha and I need to have self respect xxx

[pippy longstocking]

One thing I'm looking forward to is going to university in September. I want to be a primary school teacher. This is my last year at school and exams are very important so maybe that can be my main focus this year.

At uni I'll be able to socialise with new people and gain some independence.

I'm going to REALLY turn everything around I hope. I have a diary I write in when I feel upset and this gives me great comfort. I have one friend who is my only friend but she doesn't really understand my situation that much.

i really need to get a grip to be honest haha and I need to have self respect xxx

 

sorry for all my typos in my post ....oh wow ..you are literally the same year as my emily then, you have so much ahead of you ...oh darling life will be sweet for you I know it will ..you are so lovely . Your school should have a counsellor xx

[Butterflyxx]

sorry for all my typos in my post ....oh wow ..you are literally the same year as my emily then, you have so much ahead of you ...oh darling life will be sweet for you I know it will ..you are so lovely . Your school should have a counsellor xx

 

Thank you so much! Your advice and kind words are so lovely and you're an inspiration xxx the counsellor at my school is my English teacher and I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her about everything, that's the issue xx