Feeling threatened by past girls in my boyfriends life

[sailsup555]

My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year now. We are pretty serious, have met eachother families and have discussed moving in together when his lease is up and even marriage at some point. We are both late twenties.

 

Maybe I shouldn't look at facebook but through it ive been feeling really threatened by my boyfriends ex gf and two of his girl friends, none of who I met.

 

The ex girlfriend(They dated a little less than a year on and off and broke up because they had very different opinions, lifestyles...she is apparently very political): The ex likes and comments on basically every picture of my bf's friends and friends girlfriends pictures. I just find it odd because they didn't date a full year and I don't thinks he was that close with any of them, my boyfriend told me a couple of his friends didn't like her. I know I personally would unfollow friends of an ex as well but she seems to keep up with what they are doing.

 

Friends that are girls (One of is a friends ex girl friend and her friend which he made out with once that I know of): With the girl friends they do the same thing, liking everything except anything I post, which at first didn't bother me but then a couple days ago one girl posted an old pic (from like 2008) of her on my boyfriends lap and wrote I miss you!

 

I know he can have a past just like I do but his seems to be coming into the present. I am pretty insecure anyways but now I feel like I have all these girls to compete with for not only him but also his friends. I really want them to like me as well and I don't want to be compared to any other girls

 

I feel like i'm being heavily judged/scrutinized by these girls that think they can trump me. I even worry too about pictures they are posting that I cant see and that my boyfriend can see like he'll double think being with me. Or that his friends like all these other girls better than me. I just feel a lot of pressure to be perfect

 

What should I do? and how can I try to not let this bother me?

[1a1a]

Focus on his actions towards you. How other people act towards him is immaterial, is he interested in you, attentive? Do you get to spend time together and share affection and inspire each other? That's that matters.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are much more serious and invested in the relationship than he is. Asking him about marriage and moving in constantly when he gives you 'maybe' answers because you have been dating less than a year.

 

His friends are not your friends and they don't have to like your posts. Stop competing with them. Your insecurity is your issue and has nothing to do with fb likes etc.

 

It sounds like you are in the wrong relationship if you want intense commitment after dating a couple of months and do not feel like you have a place in his life after a year. How is your relationship outside of creeping his fb likes?

My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year now. discussed moving in together when his lease is up. I am pretty insecure anyways but now I feel like I have all these girls to compete with for not only him but also his friends. I really want them to like me

...Same guy?

[sailsup555]

Actually no he brought up both marriage and moving in before me and i see him about 4-5 nights a week but thanks for the advice.

[Wiseman2]

Does he reassure you that he loves you? Because when you asked him if he wants to marry you he was honest in saying it's too soon.

This past weekend I ended up saying to him do you want to marry me (needing reassurance) and he said when the time is right. Now i'm really embarrassed. I don't want to be the type to push him and I didn't mean now I just wanted to hear he loved me mostly

[Gary Snyder]

There is a saying - talk is cheap, actions scream. So I would not take Spacebook too seriously. Who he dates (you) is the important part.

[moodindigo91]

Yeah most of what you are worried about is ridiculous meaningless actions that these girls are taking, not him. What does he do when they comment on his posts? Is he craving the attention? How does he act toward you? As far as these girls liking everything he posts, it happens. But it's Facebook, I like a lot of my friend's posts, some people that I haven't seen since elementary school. Instead of worrying so much about what they are doing, I'd think more about how he is acting and how he responds to it. Because girls can do whatever they want, they can physically throw their naked bodies on him, but he could still ignore them or turn them down. If he's treating you well and you guys are happy, I'd stop worrying and stay off Facebook.

[Ms Darcy]

It's your job to work on your insecurity. Focus on staying OFF Facebook.

[boltnrun]

You seem to have a big issue with being insecure. If you can't rein it in you could end up driving him away.

 

Are you in therapy to deal with your past bad relationships?

[MissCanuck]

Oh dear.

 

OP, when I read you asked him about marriage again because you need reassurance, I cringed. Hard. Don't do that. That just makes you look desperate.

 

As the others have said, if he is generally loving toward you and gives you adequate time and attention, your insecurities are yours alone to deal with. The pressure you feel to be perfect is created by you. You can choose to feed that, and behave in ways that are unattractive (checking he wants to marry you), or you can choose to work on your own self-esteem and internal validation.