Sexually Assaulted, was I raped?

[HeartGoesOn]

Mod Note: Please stay on topic, and avoid engaging in personal arguments.

[Seraphim]

OP,

 

You can have a full and happy life. I have had a lot of therapies for sexual abuse as a kid and being drugged and raped as a 19 year old. I am now at a place that in my conscious mind those things carry no weight. I would encourage therapy and try EMDR. It did a WORLD of good for me. I am devoid of pain from that now after suffering over 3 decades of severe PTSD. I know you can do this.

[rachelnichole5]

OP,

 

You can have a full and happy life. I have had a lot of therapies for sexual abuse as a kid and being drugged and raped as a 19 year old. I am now at a place that in my conscious mind those things carry no weight. I would encourage therapy and try EMDR. It did a WORLD of good for me. I am devoid of pain from that now after suffering over 3 decades of severe PTSD. I know you can do this.

 

 

 

Thank you for supporting me

[Seraphim]

Thank you for supporting me

 

No problem. I have been there when society dragged me down and would not support me and treated me like shyte. It is very hard. I too had drug and drinking problems to be able to cope but I got better and remained better. I thought of suicide every day for decades until certain therapies . There is a better life. ❤️

[HeartGoesOn]

Any further disrespectful postings will result in this thread closing.

[lukeb]

OP, You can have a full and happy life.

 

It is the only thing that Victoria has said that I agree with, but it is clear you are not on that path now. It is my hope that when you do seek help, it is from someone that tells you what you need to hear, not what you may want to hear. You may want to hear that you are a victim and there is comfort in believing that you are not in control of anything. The starting point in all of this is holding your self accountable for the things you are responsible for. Holding yourself to account and accepting responsibility is very freeing and empowering actually. The problem is you may have to confront some difficult truths about yourself. Like I said before you may look back on this and think that you can't believe the person you were when you were young, but can be proud of the person you are now. (in the future)

[Zaphod]

It is the only thing that Victoria has said that I agree with, but it is clear you are not on that path now. It is my hope that when you do seek help, it is from someone that tells you what you need to hear, not what you may want to hear. You may want to hear that you are a victim and there is comfort in believing that you are not in control of anything. The starting point in all of this is holding your self accountable for the things you are responsible for. Holding yourself to account and accepting responsibility is very freeing and empowering actually. The problem is you may have to confront some difficult truths about yourself. Like I said before you may look back on this and think that you can't believe the person you were when you were young, but can be proud of the person you are now. (in the future)

 

This is an extremely polite and restrained way of saying more or less what I was saying. Trouble is, if she keeps making these suicide attempts, she may never actually be "future her".

 

OP - you keep playing Russian Roulette like this, you know what's going to happen, don't you. You've already had nine shots, do you understand the laws of probability? And if you have no control over these suicide attempts because of some unusual mental condition, then I suggest you get yourself sectioned, as the only way of stopping you is to effectively chain you to the bed.

 

And if you interpret that as rude, then I dunno what else to say. It's meant to be a dose of reality coming your way. And when it's people's lives we're talking about, they are more important than beating around the bush.

 

If you don't understand what I (and a couple of others) are saying, and you're more concerned over whether it insults you or not, then I'm out. I have nothing left to say. Apart from wondering how you managed to neck three bottles, no less, of sleeping pills, and be here to tell the tale. I asume someone found you? Perhaps you could talk to them about it?

[Seraphim]

OP ,

 

If you don't want to see the responses of individuals at any time you can put them on ignore. Just click on their user name and it will have the option to put the user on ignore. Life is much better that way sometimes.

[rachelnichole5]

OP ,

 

If you don't want to see the responses of individuals at any time you can put them on ignore. Just click on their user name and it will have the option to put the user on ignore. Life is much better that way sometimes.

 

 

This is really good to know! I will be sure to do that. Thank you!

[qwaspolk82]

It is not true that the law states that if you are drunk you can't consent, that is just Victoria's interpretation. What the law say is if you are incapacitated because of alcohol or drugs you can't consent. I am sure it is much the same in the US.

 

It depends on the state law here and interpretation of that law actually. Laws are always interpreted differently by each judge or attorney.

[qwaspolk82]

I didn't make this most to be critizied for being careless. I didn't wreck my car. I didn't hit anything. I potentially could have, yes. But I didn't. And I thank god for that. I made this post get help understanding what the happened and how I should feel. Because honestly all I want to do is to drive my car into a brick wall, and make it my 9th suicide attempt in the last 6 years. I know I have a drinking problem. I know I shouldn't be doing drugs. I know I shouldn't mix them.

But on a side note. I take care of 4 children who aren't mine. One of which is 4 years old with brain cancer. (My mother also has incurable blood cancer) I work 12 hour days on night shift, to go home and be awake for 3 more hours watching the kids until someone in my family gets home to relieve me. I then wake up 3 hours before I need to be at work, to watch them again. Then I try to lay in bed and finally fall asleep, which 80% of the time doesn't happen right away. So I get about 4 or 5 hours of sleep a day. I have struggled with depression since I was 10. I've struggled with anxiety since I was 8. I'm not here for a pity party by any means. But I also didn't make this post for people to tell me how terrible I am and that basically I deserved what happened to me.

 

And that reason right there is why I didn't report him. I didn't tell anyone. I haven't been able to fully speak about it. I can't go an hour without wanting to vomit. I cry every second I'm alone. I literally want to rip every inch of my skin off. And all I get back from most of you is hateful replies about how terrible of a person I am.

 

You don't know me. If you've never been in a situation where you've been taken advantage of, or sexually assaulted, please do not be rude to me. I don't know you, and you don't know me.

 

I don't know what I regret more. Trusting someone who decided to assault me, or making a post I thought would comfort me but instead beat me down more than I already am.

 

If you are taking care of four children you definitely should not be mixing drugs and alcohol. I'm sorry for what might have happened to you but that does NOT excuse your behaviors with the drugs and booze. At all. That's not an excuse to go get hammered. You're not a "terrible" person - but you need to get your issues under control.

 

I told you my story about being sexually assaulted. No one is being rude they're just addressing the issues you presented. How about you focus on the ones actually giving you advice AND resources and ignore the others?

 

GO GET SOME DAMN HELP! For this incident and for the drugs and alcohol!! What if you are intoxicated and something happens to one of those kids? Or you hurt or kill someone driving? This isn't a guilt trip it's fact.

 

How about go talk to actual therapists or counselors using the RAINN link instead of asking people on here? No one said you "deserved" what happened to you. So stop with that. You are ignoring the actual advice.

 

You need to realize when you make a post on an Internet forum you'll get criticized.

[qwaspolk82]

A lesson in intoxication, I guess is how you should feel. This applies to sex, driving a car, anything you like. Get on with your life and realise that time will soften this blow. It sounds almost like you hate yourself for this as much as you do him. Well, we all make mistakes. You have to try and forgive yourself.

 

You could go down the rape route, but it'll be very difficult to make it stick. It'll also involve you reliving the experience in front of others which could be traumatic.

 

Question - did you use contraception? If not, then are you now pregnant?

 

She can't remember what happened. So if she's not on birth control and if he actually did have sex with her (again he could be lying to her) then that would be an issue. Not everyone gets pregnant through unprotected sex either. I had unprotected sex while I was with my ex off and on I was starting to think I couldn't get pregnant until I did. (when I stopped worrying about or caring about it).

[katrina1980]

Feelings of guilt? "Acknowledge your part in all of this?" WTH are you on? At the very least she was sexually assaulted by this guy and taken advantage of while she was so drunk she couldn't function.

 

Yeah pretty much this^^. She texted him NO SEX, which means she did not want sex nor did she consent to sex (clearly!).

 

Okay she was drunk (intentionally or not) doesn't matter.

 

He was NOT drunk, they had sex to which she did NOT consent, was NOT in any position to consent regardless of whether it was her fault she got drunk OR he gave her a "pill," which I am not suggesting he did, just sayin it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law.

 

I work in law, have had quite a few cases like this come through our office.... and this is what is commonly known as "date rape." At least according to California law, but I am fairly certain the same law applies in other states as well.

 

Which is essentially a he said/she said situation, so very very difficult to prove.

 

Although very recently there was a case (can't remember the state but it was all over the news here in the U.S.) where a college student was accused and convicted of raping a student while she was drunk and incapacitated, and was given six months prison time. He was recently released after serving three months. The prosecution had recommended 12 years, the maximum allowed under the law was 20 years.

 

OP, I am so sorry this happened. I would suggest you get yourself some counseling, rid yourself of this person and try and move on with your life.

[Seraphim]

Yeah pretty much this^^. She texted him NO SEX, which means she did not want sex nor did she consent to sex (clearly!).

 

Okay she was drunk (intentionally or not) doesn't matter.

 

He was NOT drunk, they had sex to which she did NOT consent, was NOT in any position to consent regardless of whether it was her fault she got drunk OR he gave her a "pill," which I am not suggesting he did, just sayin it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law.

 

I work in law, have had quite a few cases like this come through our office.... and this is what is commonly known as "date rape." At least according to California law, but I am fairly certain the law applies in other states as well.

 

Which is essentially a he said/she said situation, so very very difficult to prove.

 

OP, I am so sorry this happened. I would suggest you get yourself some counseling, rid yourself of this person and try and move on with your life.

Thank you.

[greta96]

I don't remember the last bar we ended up at. I drove to one of my guy friends house .

 

I won't address the rape/non rape issue, because I wasn't there to see what happened for myself and I learned that speculations are not good and aren't doing anyone any favors. But the part that sticks with me is the one I quoted. Why on earth would you do such a stupid thing??? You don't even remember the last bar you were at, and yet you got behind the wheel???? You could have killed innocent people, who and what gives you the right to put other people in danger and potentially destroy lives? Ya call me heartless, but when I hear about people like you it makes me sick to my stomach, because *I* could have been unknowingly sharing the road with you and so could anyone on this forum, and how is that fair? You want to be irresponsible with your life, it's fine with me, as long as you suffer the consequences. But when your selfish actions impact innocent people, then yes I have a huge problem with that. Where the heck are the cops when you need them? And what about your friends, how come they let you do something so idiotic? Or did they drive intoxicated too?

[greta96]

OP, have you reported him? If not, why not? (Just trying to understand).

 

I reckon it would be tricky to tell the police that she was taken advantage of while being blacked out, without also letting them in on the disturbing fact that in order to get to that point, she drove while highly intoxicated. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to open a whole new can of worms that would end up in her losing her license.

[lukeb]

It depends on the state law here and interpretation of that law actually. Laws are always interpreted differently by each judge or attorney.

 

All laws depend on interpretation that goes without saying. The law that Victoria quoted does state that you can't consent if you are incapacitated due to alcohol or drugs, it doesn't say if you are drunk you can't consent. There are good reasons for that. I agree there may be some interpretation what exactly "incapacitated" means.

[PICCOLLO]

Hi Rachelnichole5,

 

Im sorry this has happened to you. I can only imagine how you feel. My only advice is to call a helpline in your area, psychologist or counsellor.

 

The ppl on here are terrific but are not qualified to give you advice nor are they trained to provide support. Best you talk to some experts and perhaps use this site as a back-up if you really need to.

 

Take care.

[qwaspolk82]

Yeah pretty much this^^. She texted him NO SEX, which means she did not want sex nor did she consent to sex (clearly!).

 

Okay she was drunk (intentionally or not) doesn't matter.

 

He was NOT drunk, they had sex to which she did NOT consent, was NOT in any position to consent regardless of whether it was her fault she got drunk OR he gave her a "pill," which I am not suggesting he did, just sayin it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law.

 

I work in law, have had quite a few cases like this come through our office.... and this is what is commonly known as "date rape." At least according to California law, but I am fairly certain the same law applies in other states as well.

 

Which is essentially a he said/she said situation, so very very difficult to prove.

 

Although very recently there was a case (can't remember the state but it was all over the news here in the U.S.) where a college student was accused and convicted of raping a student while she was drunk and incapacitated, and was given six months prison time. He was recently released after serving three months. The prosecution had recommended 12 years, the maximum allowed under the law was 20 years.

 

OP, I am so sorry this happened. I would suggest you get yourself some counseling, rid yourself of this person and try and move on with your life.

 

Yeah it was that damn Brock Turner and he only did three months. But he was not convicted of rape. The prosecutor had to drop the charge. He went to Stanford. But two guys walked up on him sexually assaulting her while she was unconscious. They chased him down and held him until cops came. She was unconscious - not just blacked out and can't remember it. There are witnesses in her story that SAW her unconscious and being assaulted.

[qwaspolk82]

I won't address the rape/non rape issue, because I wasn't there to see what happened for myself and I learned that speculations are not good and aren't doing anyone any favors. But the part that sticks with me is the one I quoted. Why on earth would you do such a stupid thing??? You don't even remember the last bar you were at, and yet you got behind the wheel???? You could have killed innocent people, who and what gives you the right to put other people in danger and potentially destroy lives? Ya call me heartless, but when I hear about people like you it makes me sick to my stomach, because *I* could have been unknowingly sharing the road with you and so could anyone on this forum, and how is that fair? You want to be irresponsible with your life, it's fine with me, as long as you suffer the consequences. But when your selfish actions impact innocent people, then yes I have a huge problem with that. Where the heck are the cops when you need them? And what about your friends, how come they let you do something so idiotic? Or did they drive intoxicated too?

 

That nail has pretty much been nailed on the head repeatedly about her driving intoxicated.

[lukeb]

Yeah it was that damn Brock Turner and he only did three months. But he was not convicted of rape. The prosecutor had to drop the charge. He went to Stanford. But two guys walked up on him sexually assaulting her while she was unconscious. They chased him down and held him until cops came. She was unconscious - not just blacked out and can't remember it. There are witnesses in her story that SAW her unconscious and being assaulted.

 

I actually thought the sentence was exactly in line with what happened and so do the people involved in the justice system that regularly are involved in these types of cases. You also have to wonder what exactly you are trying to accomplish with longer jail sentences and if they would work. There is context to the story, and I am not sure how many people bothered to find out what it was. Its a sad story about two young people on a destructive path in their life. That is sad when they have their whole life ahead of them. I wish Emily all the best and she is able to turn things around but then I wish the same thing for Brock. I wish the same thing for the OP.

[Doc Blaze]

I actually thought the sentence was exactly in line with what happened and so do the people involved in the justice system that regularly are involved in these types of cases. You also have to wonder what exactly you are trying to accomplish with longer jail sentences and if they would work. There is context to the story, and I am not sure how many people bothered to find out what it was. Its a sad story about two young people on a destructive path in their life. That is sad when they have their whole life ahead of them. I wish Emily all the best and she is able to turn things around but then I wish the same thing for Brock. I wish the same thing for the OP.

 

 

 

actually that was no consistent with what people actually get for this charge.. it was no where near what he should of gotten. They I think recommend 5-6 yrs(not even half of the max) and he got 6 months and served 3. that's laughable and a slap in the face to the victim. it also makes the justice system look like a joke.

 

 

and if you heard what Brocks dad said, you would know why Brock is the way he is. He probably never heard no in his life.

[qwaspolk82]

I actually thought the sentence was exactly in line with what happened and so do the people involved in the justice system that regularly are involved in these types of cases. You also have to wonder what exactly you are trying to accomplish with longer jail sentences and if they would work. There is context to the story, and I am not sure how many people bothered to find out what it was. Its a sad story about two young people on a destructive path in their life. That is sad when they have their whole life ahead of them. I wish Emily all the best and she is able to turn things around but then I wish the same thing for Brock. I wish the same thing for the OP.

 

What is the "context" to the story? He was found by two witnesses sexually assaulting an unconscious woman. The judge specifically said that he did not want to "ruin" Turner's life by putting him in prison.

 

I have heard the opposite of what you just said from people in the justice system in that he got off pretty damn light. I'm not sure where you work or who you were talking to. The prosecutor suggested 6 years or so of a 20 year max sentence and the judge decides six months was more beneficial? How was that woman on a "destructive" path? One night she gets drunk and ends up being assaulted while unconscious and it's her fault?

 

I've read the court documents that were published online about this case. He lied about using drugs and drinking. He changed his story over the course of the investigation. He never once took accountability for it and neither did his parents. Affluenza is written all over this crap.

 

She was unconscious the entire time. She was unconscious when police got there. She woke up in the hospital. PLUS he has the signs of a sexual predator. You're telling me that he got the sentence he deserved. What happens when he does this again because he will. He will escalate. They always do. The only good thing is he had to register as a sex offender for life.

 

I guarantee you if he hadn't been a Stanford student, had wealthy parents and been a different skin color he would have not been let off so easy.

 

In all your posts you seem to blame the victims in these type of cases. It's never the victim's fault. Ever.

[lukeb]

In all your posts you seem to blame the victims in these type of cases. It's never the victim's fault. Ever.

 

No I don't blame victims, I only hold people accountable for the things they are responsible for. Remember I did say that the sentence was justified, not that he shouldn't he held accountable for the things he did and suffer the consequences for it. Sometimes I don't like the victim mentality and the belief that everything that happens are events that are out of your control.

 

If you think long prison terms are designed to prevent bad things from happening again, you may want to revisit that notion. I also think the lynch mob mentality is actually doing harm in preventing rehabilitation prospects for Brock.

 

Emily wasn't unconscious when she had 4 shots of hard alcohol with her mother who dropped her off to this party when she was already half-cut. Emily wasn't unconscious when she left the party with Brock. Sure I am happy to hold Brock accountable for what he did, but what are you telling young women who are going to college? What would you tell your daughter? You're a victim in everything you do and nothing that happens is under your control, but if you're a guy everything you do is under your control and accountable for everything. There is a lack of balance here I find extremely dangerous. These stories demonstrate exactly how dangerous reckless behavior can be.

[Seraphim]

Absolutely, never ever a victim's fault.