I should just stay out of it...right?

[boltnrun]

I have two friends at work who are dating. The guy half of the couple has come to me complaining that the girl half of the couple is smothering him to the point that he's considering ending the relationship.

 

For example, if she is assigned a task at work and will have to take lunch at a different time than him, she will send another employee over to him to tell him. Or, if she won't be able to take break at the same time as him she stresses out and asks him repeatedly if he's mad at her. She checks in with him constantly when they're not together and wants to spend every single spare minute with him. If she's at work and he's not, she will rush around exclaiming "I NEED to call him!!!" And if she's got plans that don't include him (a family function, for example), she will stress out worrying that he's going to be angry with her.

 

He's told me several times that she doesn't need to be sending other employees over to tell him she's taking break or lunch at a different time (he finds it not only silly but embarrassing) and she doesn't need to be checking in with him every 5 minutes. And that they don't need to be glued at the hip. But she seems to think that's what girlfriends are supposed to do. If he brings up that maybe she doesn't need to be contacting him for every little thing, she cries and gets hurt feelings.

 

She's a really nice girl and cares about him a lot, she has a good heart, but he's told me he's thinking about ending it because she's driving him crazy.

 

So...even though she's a friend of mine and I like her, I should just let him handle it...right? I shouldn't take her aside and tell her she needs to chill out or she's going to drive him away...right?

[Batya33]

I know you mean very well but it's essential that you stay out of this and I would ask him to stop talking about her to you given the awkwardness.

[Iggy5129]

No, you shouldn't tell her unless you're actually her friend. Otherwise it is overstepping.

 

If you're close enough with this guy for him to confide in you then encourage him to talk to her about it. He can tell her to back off or he will back off permanently. It's his relationship.

 

If his confiding in you bothers you then tell him you'd rather be left out of their relationship.

 

But yeah don't get in the middle. You will regret it.

[Wiseman2]

Absolutely, let him do his own dirty work. he needs to man up rather than gossip about her to other employees.

I should just let him handle it...right?

[j.man]

You couldn't weld my mouth shut enough in that situation.

[boltnrun]

She is my friend. They both are. They aren't just coworkers. So he's not "gossiping", he's confiding in me as a friend. Yes, we all have spent time together away from work.

 

But, I did recommend he talk to her about it instead of just dumping her, which is what he told me he was leaning toward doing. I told him, how do you know that she's not capable of chilling out if you haven't even really asked her to? All he's done so far is tell her she doesn't have to tell him every time she takes a breath. But I told him to tell her that she needs to back off the clinginess and maybe she will surprise him. Or not. But at least give her the chance.

 

It would be a shame if he ended it because she can't stop smothering him, because she really is a sweet girl who means well. But either she'll stop, or this will (hopefully) be a learning experience for her. But I'm going to just stay out of it, like I originally planned.

[Batya33]

Gossip is talking about another person behind that person's back, especially negative stuff. He is also confiding but it is still gossip. And you don't know both sides of it so it may or may not be a learning experience for her or need to be.

 

Very good plan to stay out of it.