I would kill just to talk to her again:(

[JustinPonders]

I know, it's pathetic. But it's been 6-7 weeks, post breakup, and I text her only once during that time, which was a short and uplifting text, but to no avail. She continues to ignore me like I was a ghost. It's so sad and heartbreaking. Absolutely no closure for me whatsoever. If she only knew what I was going through

[ThatwasThen]

I know, it's pathetic. But it's been 6-7 weeks, post breakup, and I text her only once during that time, which was a short and uplifting text, but to no avail. She continues to ignore me like I was a ghost. It's so sad and heartbreaking. Absolutely no closure for me whatsoever. If she only knew what I was going through

It doesn't matter even if she did respond to your contact, Justin. You would just have more and more questions and it would give another bout of pain. Give yourself closure by accepting that it's over, by believing that in time you'll start to feel your old self as you get closer to the stage of indifference to her and knowing without a doubt that you'll soon be open enough and heart and mind to find someone who is more compatible to you.

 

Feel better soon... start by knowing that contact from her won't give you any closure... it will just open you up to needing answers to even more questions.

[JustinPonders]

It doesn't matter even if she did respond to your contact, Justin. You would just have more and more questions and it would give another bout of pain. Give yourself closure by accepting that it's over, by believing that in time you'll start to feel your old self as you get closer to the stage of indifference to her and knowing without a doubt that you'll soon be open enough and heart and mind to find someone who is more compatible to you.

 

Feel better soon... start by knowing that contact from her won't give you any closure... it will just open you up to needing answers to even more questions.

 

ThatwasThen, I get where you're coming from but I need it so bad. I really do. She just totally misunderstood my stance on why I meanly broke it off with her through text (yes, pathetic, shouldn't have done it). I handled the situation completely wrong even though she did do something really stupid that triggered me but needless to say I handled it completely wrong. All I truly want is to just set the record straight with her but this complete and utter silence is eating me alive from the inside. It just isn't fair. I gave her a chance plenty of times when she screwed up and I forgave her but this one time I messed up hardcore and she doesn't even acknowledge my existence is just not fair man, not fair. I don't deserve it to this degree. Yes, I screwed up but come-on. There is a point where someone needs to be more understanding. But I guess that's not reality as I'm sadly figuring out. What was I thinking!?

[JulianAR]

I know that feel bud. I just lost my best friend of over a decade to being weak, needy and jealous. It gets better with time. Lots and lots of time. Meet new people, turn your life around. And who knows, one day in the distant future she may talk to you again. But don't live with hopes that will only be dashed.

[JulianAR]

ThatwasThen, I get where you're coming from but I need it so bad. I really do. She just totally misunderstood my stance on why I meanly broke it off with her through text (yes, pathetic, shouldn't have done it). I handled the situation completely wrong even though she did do something really stupid that triggered me but needless to say I handled it completely wrong. All I truly want is to just set the record straight with her but this complete and utter silence is eating me alive from the inside. It just isn't fair. I gave her a chance plenty of times when she screwed up and I forgave her but this one time I messed up hardcore and she doesn't even acknowledge my existence is just not fair man, not fair. I don't deserve it to this degree. Yes, I screwed up but come-on. There is a point where someone needs to be more understanding. But I guess that's not reality as I'm sadly figuring out. What was I thinking!?

 

You may be thinking that now, but give it time and thought. You're not the bad guy here, you have to come to that realization. Things just don't work out sometimes. Learn to forgive yourself. It's just one relationship out of the many you'll probably have in the future that can be just as deep and meaningful if not more.

[ThatwasThen]

I gave her a chance plenty of times when she screwed up and I forgave her

If she's been screwing up plenty of times then stop second guessing your decision to break up with her. You can't go through life with someone enabling them to screw up and then forgiving them for it. A good woman worth having doesn't "screw up plenty of times."

 

Believe in your decision and be glad she's giving you the gift of leaving you alone to process the breakup. In time you'll not feel this compelled to be in contact.

[boltnrun]

You can't force her to talk to you.

 

Use this as a lesson for next time...don't break up with someone if you don't really mean it.

[lostlove76]

Justin, I asked you this in your other thread and I don't think you ever answered it: Why were you and she not technically "together"?

[JustinPonders]

Justin, I asked you this in your other thread and I don't think you ever answered it: Why were you and she not technically "together"?

 

It's hard to explain through a thread but to put it simply we were together but without the title. Hope that explains it better.

 

@boltnrun it's easier said than done when you're in the heat of the moment and that's where I was. It's hard man, it's really hard but I learned the lesson the really hard way so next time I know never, ever to do that again.

 

The thing is guys I really, really miss her and still love her but I get the feeling that she might just be especially hurt because I said some really mean things to her at the worst possible moment. Her father passed away who she was really close with and it was the week of his memorial and I broke it off with her, over text, in a very mean way. Yes, terrible but again, she kinda did something that if I explained to you in person would make you understand my frustration but where I screwed up was how I handled it. But I just think she's especially mad at me because of the timing being with her father's death from cancer and all it just was a recipe for disaster. Where I also screwed up was that the following week I text her like 8x (yes, stalker stage) telling her how sorry I was and how much I loved her but it was too little too late. Especially sense I looked so dam needy and desperate, which btw I usually never, ever bahave that way but that day I did like a moron. I lost all sense of myself and just fell into this desperation mood which I'm sure made her running for the hills. Anyways, I stopped after that day from bothering her and haven't spoke to her since. It's been close to 7 weeks now. This is just insane. It went too far needlessly.

[ThatwasThen]

How did she screw up? If it made you do the things you now regret then it must have been the straw that broke the camels back.

 

I think you need to take stock of WHY you broke up with her and leave the rest alone.

[JustinPonders]

ThatwasThen, it's something I would have to explain in person to make sense of it, to be honest but lets just say I'm at a total disadvantage now and I might have lost her for good. I honestly only came here and posted something because the shock of the breakup hits me in waves and I was feeling a major wave just now and so I started feeling the loneliness, regret, desperation, sadness all over again and I needed an outlet. Sorry if I'm not being descriptive enough it's just it's a lot to explain and I have little patience now to write. I just needed an outlet to vent. I'm just really struggling now in coping with her loss. Dam, this sucks really bad. Hate this!

[lostlove76]

It's hard to explain through a thread but to put it simply we were together but without the title. Hope that explains it better.

 

Sorry to harp on this. But whose decision was it to be together without a title? I ask because most girls don't like that. It makes them feel very insecure. If she was the one who didn't want the title, then that is telling. If you were the one who didn't want the title, then that is also telling. If neither of you wanted a title, then I guess no biggie.

[JustinPonders]

Sorry to harp on this. But whose decision was it to be together without a title? I ask because most girls don't like that. It makes them feel very insecure. If she was the one who didn't want the title, then that is telling. If you were the one who didn't want the title, then that is also telling. If neither of you wanted a title, then I guess no biggie.

 

Honestly, I don't remember. It was just a common understanding that we cared for each other but that we weren't truly ready to be an official couple again. We were still working on building our relationship. But you can say I was more on the hesitant side.

[lostlove76]

Honestly, I don't remember. It was just a common understanding that we cared for each other but that we weren't truly ready to be an official couple again. We were still working on building our relationship. But you can say I was more on the hesitant side.

 

I was just wondering if that was part of why she's staying away. Not to say that the other stuff wasn't reason enough - sounds like the timing of it all was a major factor here, with her dad and all. But just for future reference, the lack of a title can really affect a girl. It's hard to tell if she was cool with it or not, from what little you're saying. But sometimes when a guy won't fully commit, a girl just eventually gives up. Maybe that's of no issue here, but just wondered if it had anything to do with it. You would know better than I.

[Clarisse]

How did she screw up? If it made you do the things you now regret then it must have been the straw that broke the camels back.

 

I think you need to take stock of WHY you broke up with her and leave the rest alone.

 

You may want to read his previous thread where he explains the situation in more detail.

[lostlove76]

I know, it's pathetic. But it's been 6-7 weeks, post breakup, and I text her only once during that time, which was a short and uplifting text, but to no avail. She continues to ignore me like I was a ghost. It's so sad and heartbreaking. Absolutely no closure for me whatsoever. If she only knew what I was going through

 

The thing is, we just never know what the other person is thinking or going through. When there's complete silence, we of course believe that the other person has completely forgotten about us and no longer cares, or that they hate us. Which could be the case. Or they could be suffering just as much as us, and we just don't know it. I told you briefly of my situation on your other thread, but just to remind you (and to make an extremely long story extremely short): My exbf kept calling for a couple weeks after I cut him off, and I wouldn't answer. Then he stopped and called again a couple weeks later, and I didn't answer. I feel a need to protect myself from him, because I know he would only bring me more hurt. He could take my silence as me having forgotten all about him. But the opposite was true. I've been suffering SO much this entire time, I miss the good times we used to have, I wish nothing more than that we could be together and he would treat me right. I know he's with someone else now and doesn't give a crap and isn't likely to call, but my point to you is the same: it could have appeared to him that I myself threw him away without a care, but that was far from the reality of how I felt.

 

I hope that helps in some way.

[JustinPonders]

The thing is, we just never know what the other person is thinking or going through. When there's complete silence, we of course believe that the other person has completely forgotten about us and no longer cares, or that they hate us. Which could be the case. Or they could be suffering just as much as us, and we just don't know it. I told you briefly of my situation on your other thread, but just to remind you (and to make an extremely long story extremely short): My exbf kept calling for a couple weeks after I cut him off, and I wouldn't answer. Then he stopped and called again a couple weeks later, and I didn't answer. I feel a need to protect myself from him, because I know he would only bring me more hurt. He could take my silence as me having forgotten all about him. But the opposite was true. I've been suffering SO much this entire time, I miss the good times we used to have, I wish nothing more than that we could be together and he would treat me right. I know he's with someone else now and doesn't give a crap and isn't likely to call, but my point to you is the same: it could have appeared to him that I myself threw him away without a care, but that was far from the reality of how I felt.

 

I hope that helps in some way.

 

But I don't understand why not at least answer the phone and just talk even if things won't work out at least talk and get things off each other's chest and that way there is closure. I mean I don't know of your boyfriend and the type of guy he was but I can tell you I was a jerk to her when I called it off with her, yes, but it didn't mean I didn't love her. Sometimes people need a trauma to happen to learn from it and that's what has happened with me. I learned from all this to be a better person but she won't even consider that I'm a different person now. Instead she has made it up in her mind that I'm still the same person. That's what's not fair. That's what's making me so dam down. Give someone a chance. Hear them out. Talk. Resolve. Move on. I hate silence for overly extended times. Yes, silence sometimes is good but not when it's overly emphasized. And I've noticed women are so easily able to do this and it drives me crazy that you can. I on the other hand am a softy. Ya, I can play the whole silence game for a couple days but I eventually cave in, unless, of course, it's something that's completely unfixable. I mean ya, my breakup with her might seem on the surface as "unfixable" because of the way I handled it but trust me, if you really read into how I texted her you can see through all the words that I was calling out for change too, but it didn't mean that I truly believed in a break up, even though on the surface I asked for it. I was just hurt and I was hoping she would see that I was simply frustrated and that I was reaching out for change but I guess I failed. You can say I was trying to be manipulative. But please believe me, I really cared for her, I just did it wrong and that's what's eating me inside is how I handled it. I dunno. I'm just...dam, just dam

[Thorntonater]

Uh remove the word "Kill" its ain't cool

[JustinPonders]

Uh remove the word "Kill" its ain't cool

 

It's a form of expression not meant as reality dude, chill.

[lostlove76]

But I don't understand why not at least answer the phone and just talk even if things won't work out at least talk and get things off each other's chest and that way there is closure. I mean I don't know of your boyfriend and the type of guy he was but I can tell you I was a jerk to her when I called it off with her, yes, but it didn't mean I didn't love her. Sometimes people need a trauma to happen to learn from it and that's what has happened with me. I learned from all this to be a better person but she won't even consider that I'm a different person now. Instead she has made it up in her mind that I'm still the same person. That's what's not fair. That's what's making me so dam down. Give someone a chance. Hear them out. Talk. Resolve. Move on. I hate silence for overly extended times. Yes, silence sometimes is good but not when it's overly emphasized. And I've noticed women are so easily able to do this and it drives me crazy that you can. I on the other hand am a softy. Ya, I can play the whole silence game for a couple days but I eventually cave in, unless, of course, it's something that's completely unfixable. I mean ya, my breakup with her might seem on the surface as "unfixable" because of the way I handled it but trust me, if you really read into how I texted her you can see through all the words that I was calling out for change too, but it didn't mean that I truly believed in a break up, even though on the surface I asked for it. I was just hurt and I was hoping she would see that I was simply frustrated and that I was reaching out for change but I guess I failed. You can say I was trying to be manipulative. But please believe me, I really cared for her, I just did it wrong and that's what's eating me inside is how I handled it. I dunno. I'm just...dam, just dam

 

I get what you're saying, I really do! I've done the manipulative, impulsive, angry breakup many times myself, and then tried to fix it afterwards. I think I've done it with just about every guy I've ever been involved with, actually. So I'm not judging you on that. And actually, I did it with my ex that I was talking about, after the first 6 weeks we were together. I was upset that he was being noncommittal, so I "broke up" with him. And like your exgf, he then went silent on me. He completely ignored me for the next two months, while I sent text after text after text trying to apologize, then getting angry again because he was ignoring, then apologizing again. I'm not proud of it. He finally did reply, and we were on and off until 2 months ago when it officially ended (so a total of 2 years). I actually learned how to be silent and stubborn from HIM, and that's how I'm able to do it so easily now. If he called and I really felt like he was ready to change and be good to me and be all in the relationship, I would be willing to talk to him and work things out. I just don't trust him. I wish so much that he was feeling what you're feeling right now, ya know? Because I know that you do care, and you are sorry, and you have learned and you do want to change. I think that's great. I can't know what your ex is thinking right now, or how she's feeling, or why she's not talking to you. But I'm trying to give you some possible insight from the other side. I will say that it's also possible that she's googled and found out about this whole NC thing and is doing that. Or her family and friends might be in her ear, telling her to ignore you. Or she may have moved on Unfortunately, we just don't know when there is silence. I agree that talking it through would be ideal.

[JustinPonders]

I get what you're saying, I really do! I've done the manipulative, impulsive, angry breakup many times myself, and then tried to fix it afterwards. I think I've done it with just about every guy I've ever been involved with, actually. So I'm not judging you on that. And actually, I did it with my ex that I was talking about, after the first 6 weeks we were together. I was upset that he was being noncommittal, so I "broke up" with him. And like your exgf, he then went silent on me. He completely ignored me for the next two months, while I sent text after text after text trying to apologize, then getting angry again because he was ignoring, then apologizing again. I'm not proud of it. He finally did reply, and we were on and off until 2 months ago when it officially ended (so a total of 2 years). I actually learned how to be silent and stubborn from HIM, and that's how I'm able to do it so easily now. If he called and I really felt like he was ready to change and be good to me and be all in the relationship, I would be willing to talk to him and work things out. I just don't trust him. I wish so much that he was feeling what you're feeling right now, ya know? Because I know that you do care, and you are sorry, and you have learned and you do want to change. I think that's great. I can't know what your ex is thinking right now, or how she's feeling, or why she's not talking to you. But I'm trying to give you some possible insight from the other side. I will say that it's also possible that she's googled and found out about this whole NC thing and is doing that. Or her family and friends might be in her ear, telling her to ignore you. Or she may have moved on Unfortunately, we just don't know when there is silence. I agree that talking it through would be ideal.

 

You know what's sad lostlove76 is that I found out she's with another guy, an old friend she had told me about when we were together. But the weird thing is she knew him before me and yet they weren't together then, then suddenly after we breakup she's with him now? What happen to being with him before I was in the picture? I just get the feeling she's doing this to get me jealous or something because she wasn't into him before but suddenly she is now. Also she posted a couple pictures on FB (before I blocked her) which I saw mentioning a special someone in her life now and another pic of her and him in the car doing a selfie. She never used to put pics of me and her, when we were together, on her fb but with this guy suddenly she's doing this? I think she knows I'm snooping in on her fb account and she probably did it to get me worked up. But all it made me do was block her cause that was something I did NOT want to see. It crushed me tbh which forced me to block her. I mean this guy isn't anything special. Please believe me. I saw the way he looks and I'm sure he isn't anything special relationship wise, otherwise she would've been with him before me so I'm only guessing he's a rebound. I hope he is but I dunno. I could also be totally wrong and just reading too much into this.

[Ms Darcy]

ThatwasThen, I get where you're coming from but I need it so bad. I really do. She just totally misunderstood my stance on why I meanly broke it off with her through text (yes, pathetic, shouldn't have done it). I handled the situation completely wrong even though she did do something really stupid that triggered me but needless to say I handled it completely wrong. All I truly want is to just set the record straight with her but this complete and utter silence is eating me alive from the inside. It just isn't fair. I gave her a chance plenty of times when she screwed up and I forgave her but this one time I messed up hardcore and she doesn't even acknowledge my existence is just not fair man, not fair. I don't deserve it to this degree. Yes, I screwed up but come-on. There is a point where someone needs to be more understanding. But I guess that's not reality as I'm sadly figuring out. What was I thinking!?

 

Sometimes "setting the record straight" brings about more drama than expected. What if she doesn't believe you or yells at you. Guarantee you will feel worse not better.

[Ms Darcy]

Also she posted a couple pictures on FB (before I blocked her) which I saw mentioning a special someone in her life now and another pic of her and him in the car doing a selfie. She never used to put pics of me and her, when we were together, on her fb but with this guy suddenly she's doing this? I think she knows I'm snooping in on her fb account and she probably did it to get me worked up. But all it made me do was block her cause tha I could also be totally wrong and just reading too much into this.

 

In general, more often than not our exes are living their lives to make themselves. Not to make exes jealous or something like that. You aren't the center of her universe you know?

[JustinPonders]

In general, more often than not our exes are living their lives to make themselves. Not to make exes jealous or something like that. You aren't the center of her universe you know?

 

No offense but I'm not sure you're living reality. Exes ALWAYS find ways to make the other jealous. Not gonna say all do this but the vast majority do.

[Capricorn3]

No offense but I'm not sure you're living reality. Exes ALWAYS find ways to make the other jealous. Not gonna say all do this but the vast majority do.

 

I guess like MsDarcy, I'm not living in reality either as I have not experienced what you claim EX's ALWAYS make the other jealous. I guess it depends on age and maturity, or lack of maturity.