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JulianAR

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  1. It’s funny I’ve never heard it told like that before. In fact there was never an exception to these situations when I read other people’s dilemmas. As much as I cared about her she didn’t make it clear that she felt the same way until it was too late. I think I knew for sure that I wasn’t interested in suffering for someone who wasn’t sure if they could accept my apology. I just knew I still cared for her. Should I have assumed she felt the same way? Because the pit in my stomach says I should have but my head is still angry and feels like it’s not my fault.
  2. You’re gonna have to excuse me fellas, I might have been intoxicated on that first post. Although I still feel a way. I don’t really know anymore. I just have a pit in my stomach from when I wake up to when I go to sleep because of this. I need to fix things. And when I can’t I feel pathetic. But the only way I’ve ever fixed anything involving relationships it always bites me in the ass and it’s unfair. Blaming her doesn’t make me feel good but I’m so tired of it being my fault.
  3. Jesus, is this site seriously so dead that you guys can remember who I am? I really can’t just pretend each situation is unique on its own for me so I can get genuine advice, can I? Forget it. I’m actually uncomfortable with how many people are on my side here. Its like everyone is just so dead set on the idea that getting back together with an ex is bad. All it sounds like is the perspective of someone who was broken up with, and that’s not my position. What goes on may not be any of an exes business but I would never get back together with an ex without knowing at least a summary of what she’s been up to because how the hell am I supposed to know there’s any change happening?? So I can’t blame her for feeling the way she does if that was her prerequisite for being in another relationship. And I was the one who broke it off while I still loved her so what business do I have telling her what she can be emotional over when the grapevine tickles her ears? Maybe she’s right and my behavior outside of the relationship plays a large factor into who I am within a relationship, and I’m the one who consciously sabotaged it when we both still had hope.
  4. So I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago. But I knew for a fact I made a mistake and decided after a little time and after we had fixed ourselves that I would ask for her back. I went NC for a month and felt great. Met up with her briefly and decided to ask if things were different that we could try again. She wasn’t sure. She wanted change. And I agreed, I couldn’t go back to our old relationship, I wanted to try again with a fresh slate. But in that second month she got colder. And she went out a lot. We were talking a bit but she would really hardly give me anything to work with. So I got frustrated and decided to go out myself and treat myself. I had a one night stand. And some how she found out. She got upset and said that any chance we had is gone. But what the does what I did matter?? It’s none of her business, right?? She went out plenty too, who knows what she was doing, she certainly didn’t tell me. So why do I feel like the one who sh!% the bed??? Why did I have to suffer because I wanted to get back together with a girl that was perfectly fine in every way, but when I do what makes me feel good I ruin my f$&@ future with the one decent girl I was ever with?? It’s NOT my f$&@ fault, I didn’t ruin anything, it wasn’t her business to begin with, I could do whatever I wanted because she wasn’t with me, JUST like she was doing. And that’s EXACTLY what she was doing, I don’t need to know that for sure to know that—because it’s not like what she was doing was any of my business either. So what’s the big f$&@?!& deal?? It doesn’t matter if we want to get back together, when we’re separate we’re SEPERATE. Is she just a bullet I dodged? Do people who care about that stupid sh$& just confirm why I broke up with them in the first place?? If she cared what I did while we were separate wasn’t she no good to begin with?? F$&@ her anyways, she probably just led me by a string the whole time knowing I was the one who asked about getting back together first. There’s no way it could have worked if she didn’t trust that it was none of her business to begin with.
  5. If I hadn’t seen those texts then I would have, no question, immediately upon her request to change our relationship back again and certainly no more after my last brief bored stroll through her phone. I honestly really barely did it as it was, I just happened to come across those recent texts by chance when I wasn’t looking for them at all. But now I have something to consider at the moment, and it may not end well.
  6. I’m not taking it out on you, I just didn’t get any help from you. If my trust issues can’t be worked on I’d like to know why. It seems you have a pretty black and white viewpoint though. I personally want a more in depth answer because obviously not every relationship is black and white. That being said, you’re not wrong. Maybe that should be enough for me. I don’t know for sure yet.
  7. I actually like this answer a lot. And I’m glad you engaged in this discussion with me because I agree with it. Maybe understandin what you said will help me make a decision that’s going to be hard for me to make.
  8. Well, from your perspective yeah, you have a point. If I wanted to work on it though, do you think it merits that if I value the relationship enough to do so?
  9. I’m sorry but if all the people on this board you really helped the least.
  10. I personally don’t like asking questions on the internet without knowing where my answers are coming from. That’s all. But I appreciate that you know you’re trying to help.
  11. Well we had that before and that didn’t work. So we took a different approach. Would you honestly be okay in my position? It seems you have a much looser concept of a relationship than I do.
  12. Well, I can safely say I’ve plateaud in this discussion. This is the biggest point that I honestly know it’s true. I just still don’t know what I’m gonna do.
  13. Yeah. I mean I can’t disagree with you there.
  14. Well, I can’t disagree with you here. I’m not sure what I’m going to do but for the first time in this thread I agree with all your points.
  15. With which I agree. Actually I’d like to ask, and I hope you do t think I’m being too personal—feel free to avoid my post if it is—if you lost trust in your husband today do you think it would merit working on or would that just be the level of trust you work with from that point on? Yes, our relationships are different, but I want to give a challenging perspective to test your personal perspectives on relationships if that’s okay. Feel free to tell me it’s not.
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