Should I be suspicious of my boyfriend?

[Butterflyxx]

I understand what I'm worrying about is a bit stupid, however I was a second opinion in case I'm losing my marbles or there's something fishy going on.

Background info: me and my boyfriend have been together over a year. We are both 18 and in the last year of school.

I've noticed that over the past year he's been talking to this girl who's 15. She is popular, has a lot of friends (males and females), and basically is an extroverted individual.

I've seen briefly their conversations and they haven't ever flirted, only made jokes and spoke normally.

Whenever I bring up the fact they talk, or for example if I'm with my boyfriend, she messages him, I will ask about her and his response always is that I shouldn't be concerned, she's too young and they're only friends. She also knows about our relationship and I've spoken to her a few times and she's a nice girl.

In my opinion I find it weird why they are friends.

Although this sounds stupid, I am envious of her in some aspects, and whenever they talk it makes me jealous and paranoid.

She has a boyfriend whom she's been dating 6 months, and he is a very clingy person and has admitted that he gets jealous when she talks to other guys (which is a lot, however is only platonic).

I've noticed my boyfriend has been picking up certain words that she uses and it irritates me. I don't know how to handle this situation. What is the most mature way to deal with it. Am I being stupid?

I personally deep down believe that if he had the chance he would be with her.

[BlarneyStone]

Welcome to high school.

 

They probably just both like the attention. More so the girl than your boyfriend. I don't really get it though. As a guy, being just friends with a girl is pretty much pointless. So yes, he may have ulterior motives beyond platonic friendship.

[Butterflyxx]

I agree. What should I do about the situation as it makes me feel jealous and uncomfortable.

[Scoe141]

I agree. What should I do about the situation as it makes me feel jealous and uncomfortable.

 

Get out. No one should ever feel uncomfortable in a relationship. Perhaps ya'll are on different pages.

 

Just remember, you should always feel safe. No exceptions. Good luck.

[Matti Jr]

Odd that he would specifically say she's too young. Are you both finishing high school or heading into the last year? A lot is likely going to change anyway, especially if one or both of you are headed to college.

 

You need to have a serious conversation about it to clear the air. I personally think it's selfish to restrict who your partner talks to as that's a boundary issue, but he better not be spending more time talking to her than you.

[Birdie]

Doesn't really matter if you "should" be suspicious or not...are you? Do you trust him?

 

More important, issues have been non-stop with you and this guy. If it's a deal breaker, what are you going to do? Are you able to walk away from this if it is a deal breaker and he keeps talking to her?

 

Personally it sounds like they are friends and he's being pretty open with you about their interactions.

[saluk]

You have been together over a year? I thought you broke up with him already. Several times. Is this the same guy who wanted to play games with his friends rather than spend time with you?

[Butterflyxx]

Odd that he would specifically say she's too young. Are you both finishing high school or heading into the last year? A lot is likely going to change anyway, especially if one or both of you are headed to college.

 

You need to have a serious conversation about it to clear the air. I personally think it's selfish to restrict who your partner talks to as that's a boundary issue, but he better not be spending more time talking to her than you.

 

They talk a lot on social media, more so than I speak to him. He often ignores my messages to carry on talking to her.

We are both going off to college.

[Butterflyxx]

Doesn't really matter if you "should" be suspicious or not...are you? Do you trust him?

 

More important, issues have been non-stop with you and this guy. If it's a deal breaker, what are you going to do? Are you able to walk away from this if it is a deal breaker and he keeps talking to her?

 

Personally it sounds like they are friends and he's being pretty open with you about their interactions.

No I don't trust him because when he was with his last girlfriend he would flirt with a lot of other girls and that made her insecure.

He has even asked me if I want to see their conversations before multiple times.

[Butterflyxx]

You have been together over a year? I thought you broke up with him already. Several times. Is this the same guy who wanted to play games with his friends rather than spend time with you?

 

In total we've been together a year minus the breakup. I just didn't add that in there because it would have been confusing.

And yes this is the same guy.

[Jibralta]

No I don't trust him because when he was with his last girlfriend he would flirt with a lot of other girls and that made her insecure.

He has even asked me if I want to see their conversations before multiple times.

 

He doesn't sound particularly respectful of girls in general.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would be uncomfortable, too.

 

Also, I don't think 15 and 18 is a huge age gap. One is just allowed to drive a car and die on a frontline.

[Butterflyxx]

He doesn't sound particularly respectful of girls in general.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would be uncomfortable, too.

 

Also, I don't think 15 and 18 is a huge age gap. One is just allowed to drive a car and die on a frontline.

 

Overall it just makes me feel annoyed and in a way not good enough for him. I hate feeling that he prefers her deep down, and I'm not too sure what to do.

[Jibralta]

Overall it just makes me feel annoyed and in a way not good enough for him. I hate feeling that he prefers her deep down, and I'm not too sure what to do.

 

That's an easy snare to get caught in, and many people do. Try to stay away from it if you can, as there's no real "win" here. All you would gain is someone else's approval. And the ironic thing about that is you have give them the power to be judge over you. So, you're not really gaining anything.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he has a crush on her but wouldn't date her because as he said, she's too young.

Whenever I bring up the fact they talk, or for example if I'm with my boyfriend, she messages him, I will ask about her and his response always is that I shouldn't be concerned, she's too young and they're only friends.

[boltnrun]

I'm not sure why you keep trying with this boyfriend. It seems like it's been nothing but issues practically from the beginning.

 

Why are you trying to force a relationship that is clearly not suitable for either of you? And a better reason than "but I love him".

 

Also, you didn't have any activities other than waiting for him to give you attention. Have you changed any of that yet?

[Butterflyxx]

I'm not sure why you keep trying with this boyfriend. It seems like it's been nothing but issues practically from the beginning.

 

Why are you trying to force a relationship that is clearly not suitable for either of you? And a better reason than "but I love him".

 

Also, you didn't have any activities other than waiting for him to give you attention. Have you changed any of that yet?

 

Yes I have indeed changed that. I understand a lot more clearly now that my behaviour beforehand was extremely clingy and immature, and I make sure that I put myself first, spend more time with my family and friends. I no longer sit there and wait for his messages etc and that's not productive and I have better things to do in my life than that.

I don't know for sure why I keep trying with the relationship, I just don't want to be apart from him.