Controlling or very opinionated?

[Michael22]

She always asks. She always tells me that she wants me to be honest with her about how i feel. She even told me that her type has always been an opinionated guy. I came to this forum for help because I really want things to work with this girl but it's my first mature relationship where i actually have a goal of spending my life with the person, so i'm confused and just wanted some help to see what im doing right and wrong. I didn't come here to get belittled. I just wanted some help.

[Krankor]

I never really occurred to me that you would do anything else.. When people make moral judgements based on partial evidence and preconceived notions, they're very very seldom willing to reconsider their judgements or question the preconceptions that lead to those judgements when new evidence comes to light.

 

What's scary to me is that he elaborated in a way that directly refuted some of the presumptions that people made, and you're still like "nope, didn't assume anything".

 

This whole thread reads like this to me:

Outrage.

Tailor the facts to justify the outrage.

New Facts

Ignore them or shoehorn them into a shape that fits the original outrage.

 

Everybody grab your torches and pitchforks. Less Git Im!

 

Honestly, I'm not trying to pick on OP at all; he's a kid. But I don't think that in this particular case he elaborated or refuted much; I think he more like backpedaled if you look at his first post. I do think that people on this board sometimes have trouble admitting that they may have been wrong in their opinions as new facts emerge, but I'm not sure that this is the case here.

 

I do think it's important though to try to be helpful rather than just condemn people and "grab the torches and pitchforks" as you put it.

[Krankor]

She always asks. She always tells me that she wants me to be honest with her about how i feel. She even told me that her type has always been an opinionated guy. I came to this forum for help because I really want things to work with this girl but it's my first mature relationship where i actually have a goal of spending my life with the person, so i'm confused and just wanted some help to see what im doing right and wrong. I didn't come here to get belittled. I just wanted some help.

 

OP: If she asks, tell her. Just don't harp on it. If she doesn't want to change something, you have to decide whether it's something you can live with or not. If it is, then stay with her and don't complain about it. If it's not, then it's time to move on. But the one thing that isn't fair is to stay but to keep trying to get her to do things your way. I'm not trying to belittle you in any way or say that you're a bad guy. This is just how it works. You have to let people be themselves and you can't always have your way.

[Clinton]

She always asks. She always tells me that she wants me to be honest with her about how i feel. She even told me that her type has always been an opinionated guy. I came to this forum for help because I really want things to work with this girl but it's my first mature relationship where i actually have a goal of spending my life with the person, so i'm confused and just wanted some help to see what im doing right and wrong. I didn't come here to get belittled. I just wanted some help.

 

I think you've gotten your advice. Sometimes it's hard to being criticized but I believe there were some very valid points put forth. It's up to you what you do with it.

[mustlovedogs]

OP, you aren't being belittled. Others are just saying that you need to accept her as her, appearances included. So if you want this to work, no more continuous opinions.

[Seraphim]

She always asks. She always tells me that she wants me to be honest with her about how i feel. She even told me that her type has always been an opinionated guy. I came to this forum for help because I really want things to work with this girl but it's my first mature relationship where i actually have a goal of spending my life with the person, so i'm confused and just wanted some help to see what im doing right and wrong. I didn't come here to get belittled. I just wanted some help.

 

You won't be spending your life with a person you met at 17. 99.9% won't happen.

[Wiseman2]

If you're clean cut and she wanted the ZZ-Top look, why couldn't you just make her happy, come on. Everyone's entitled to model their partner after their favorite star, no?

She was also always on me to grow facial hair.

[Seraphim]

She always asks. She always tells me that she wants me to be honest with her about how i feel. She even told me that her type has always been an opinionated guy. I came to this forum for help because I really want things to work with this girl but it's my first mature relationship where i actually have a goal of spending my life with the person, so i'm confused and just wanted some help to see what im doing right and wrong. I didn't come here to get belittled. I just wanted some help.

 

And if she has been in previous abusive relationships before the age of 16 she has no clue what a healthy one looks like. Has she had therapy for domestic abuse?

[sexypink]

You're very young. People your age fight about these things.

Guys your age tend to worry about what you're worrying about. People change themselves and will not ever change because you said so. Typical young love issues.

 

You're normal, she's normal... Just know his is a learning period for you both and not to take it too much to heart. Very rarely do relationships last very long at your age ( with the longer lifespans these days). Stay safe and be kind no matter what. Please don't become obsessive or worry so much about what she looks like.

 

You're both going to priabbaly move on pretty soon anyway.