Finally meeting someone I have been talking too since October in July!

[limichelle]

I had been out of my long term relationship officially even though it was dread for three years prior in August.

 

I went on a dating site suited to mental illness and disabilities in October just looking for someone to talk too.

 

I was feeling lonely and I have no friends I lost them due to life changes.

 

So as soon as I finished up my profile I got a response from a guy in California! I wasn't thrilled that he lives in California I wanted someone in Phoenix where I live. However this guy caught my attention.

So we talked on messenger for two weeks and then moved it to phone, then we started Skyping.

 

I still live at home for financial reasons and he lives at home for the same. It's expensive where he lives in Santa Monica for him to rent. He works a full time job as a security guard for a large security company that deals with A list celebrities and high end clients throughout Los Angelas.

 

I'm currently disabled going back to school to come off disability. I want to be a physical Therapy Assistant.

 

His work schedule is crazy and hectic so we haven't had an opportunity to meet.

 

We have been talking every night for seven almost eight months now! We consider ourselves exclusive in the sense we don't want to date or talk to anyone else. We want to see what happens.

 

Well he is an avid horse back rider! So he is going on a ride July 21st with his parents up in the Northern part of Arizona and will be coming in my direction!

 

So we scheduled for July 21st to meet up my parents and his parents, him and I for a couple hour lunch.

 

I'm excited but nervous! I feel overwhelmed I'm meeting everyone at the same time!

 

Also if we click in person I'm flying out to see him in October where we will begin an official boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. I'm also invited to Vegas for December with him and his folks!

 

We have a plan set in place if we get into a long distance relationship starting in October.

 

I think it's sensible to map out long distance that suits both of us beforehand.

 

He doesn't have a mental illness he has adhd. He was on the online dating site to branch out and find other people since he couldn't stand Match and eharmony.

 

It's nice how good of a friend and romantic interset he has become.

 

I will update you all on July and tell you how it goes.

 

He really is a great guy!

 

I have skyped briefly with his parents and they seem like awesome people!

 

Lisa

[Gloworm]

Congrats! I hope it all works out for you.

[Seraphim]

I hope it works out!

[DoF]

I know you are excited and really into this guy HOWEVER, keep your expectations to a minimum. Expect NOTHING.

 

Online/remote communication build a fantasy of the person in your head....that is often FAR FAR FAR from reality. Until you spend time IN PERSON, you simply haven't spent ANY time with him at all.

 

This is DATE #1 and you are already meeting his parents? WAY too fast IMO.

 

You also need to accept that you DO NOT know this person at all. No matter how much time you spent chatting with him. And even if in person goes well, how will you invest IN PERSON time anyways? You will need good 2 years to get over that honeymoon phase. How long will that take remotely? 5....10....15 years? IF EVER?

 

Then there is the whole Long Distance Relationship. These simply don't work as they rob you from the MOST important aspect of a relationship. Quality time. Sorry but relationships need daily/on regular basis IN person involvement.

 

Sorry to be a party pooper. I would just tell you to find someone local.

 

Also, when did your last relationship end? Have you taken time to heal/recover?

[limichelle]

I don't know DOF you are right to have your opinion but I have done the in person quality time for a decade where I saw the guy a lot and he wasn't long distance and that didn't work out.

 

Who is to really say what will work or not work out? If you think about it you take a risk in person quality time and long distance. You take a risk in general.

 

I have known some long distance stories that have worked out beautifully and some that blew up in the persons face.

 

Thank you for the advise and cautioning me.

 

As for the parents meeting and my parents meeting its because of the circumstance where they will be there with him. Also my parents don't want me to meet someone offline without them checking him out.

 

Thank you again.

 

Lisa

[HeartGoesOn]

Wishing you all the best, Limichelle!

[Fudgie]

I am wishing you the best. I do think you're going in quite level headed. He's a romantic interest, not your boyfriend, and you will decide once you meet if it's something you want to pursue. Nothing wrong with that.

 

One of my good friends is a guy (about my age) and we met online in 2007. He's not my type and I'm not his so there was never a romantic interest. He always lived very far away from me. He came to my state for his PhD and he now lives an hour from me. We met up last year and hung out for most of a day and had a grand time, it was just like online just in person. Both of us are really busy and we haven't had time to drive all that way and meet up in person again but we talk a few times a week and the friendship is still there. I think meeting up in person was just more confirmation "Oh yeah, you are who you say you are".

 

I think it works as long as both of you are "real" with each other online and no one puts up false airs and both are level-headed.

 

I am wishing you the best.

[Wolfshook]

Wish you all the best

[Heather Dawn]

Good luck! I'd just be VERY wary that in both instances of your future meeting - when he comes for a horseback-riding trip, and then the Vegas trip - it's with his parents. That's a huge red-flag for me, coupled with him still living at home and you having met on a board for people with mental illness. Just be very careful, as I get the feeling that moving things to a real-world relationship may not be so easy for him...

 

ETA: How old are you both?

[limichelle]

Hi,

 

Thanks for your response he doesn't have a mental illness. I have the mental illness he was on there because it's also for people with disabilities. We are both in our 30s. I can't judge him based on living at home because I still live at home. He has his life together with a responsible job, he pays his own bills and car payments and insurance. He is coming with his parents because they want to meet me and plus they will be there anyways.

 

The Vegas trip was already planned out with them before I came into the picture.

 

Thanks for the concern but he as his life together and I'm working on mine.

 

Lisa

[Heather Dawn]

My point is that he's a man in his 30s who goes on vacation with his parents. It's not like he and a spouse are going with them. Just him. It's a bit...weird. And his parents want to meet you already? HE hasn't even met you.

 

I dunno, I just think the whole thing is off-putting, but I wish you luck.

[Fudgie]

Heather Dawn, it would be off-putting to me too given that I live by myself and I'm pretty independent from my parents in many ways but for OP, it honestly sounds great. She lives at home as well and has been on disability for some time and getting her stuff together. Yes, they are in their 30s and not what "typical" 30-something year olds do but it sounds like they are in similar places in life and can understand each other. That can only be a good thing.

[Heather Dawn]

Definitely, if it turns out it works for them, great! But the whole situation will be especially difficult long distance, because neither are independent enough to bridge the gap. I know someone with mental illness who met a guy, online, who also has a mental illness (I realize OP's guy has a disability). They've been a couple online for over a year, but they're long distance and there is NO plan in place for either one to move. He lives with his parents, she lives with a family she knows, and Skype and FB are the extent of their relationship. I know it frustrates and saddens her, but it's not going anywhere because neither are in the position to make that happen, and may never be. (Both are also in their 30s.)

[Fudgie]

That is a sad story. I have to say though, I'm a big believer in "like" attracts "like". Someone who is disabled and living at home and trying to venture out into the "real" world is not likely to find success with someone who is completely independent, has their s__t together, has experience, etc. That set up is inherently unequal and in the end, someone is going to wind up feeling shafted or unsatisfied.

 

I think it's good that his parents are involved. Maybe they are willing to help OP out, if OP decides to move to where the guy is (if they decide to be together) and everything goes well. She's likely to have way more support here than she would if she dated someone who is like a "normal" 30-something, independent and parents who are not nearby to help and offer support as much.

[limichelle]

Thank you Fudgie for backing me up on this. You are exactly right about how we get along better being in the same circumstance. He is going back to school to get his bachelors degree in something he is good at and has his stars aligned there. His parents are helping him out just like mine are.

 

We won't be dependent on our parents forever and I plan on moving to California if him and I are a couple and things are getting to that point. We won't be long distance forever. We right now are taking things as they come but do have short term goals in place for how we will see each other.

 

Lisa