Almost a month

[Cope]

Hey!

 

So it's almost a month from the break up +2 days of NC and i just wanted to update.

Things are looking a lot better.

 

First week was hell. Half of the second week , i saw glimpses of my future with no pain, 3rd week was hell again.

As they say, it gets a lot worse before it gets good. So end of the 3rd week it was like i just broke up. I spent a couple of days in the dark, lying on my bed and crying.

 

This week, it's much better. I still cry a bit in the mornings, still wake up with that feeling, but it doesn't last as long. I don't miss him as much and i am ok with that. I stopped wondering "why" and asking "what if". Helped a lot.

 

Today is a bit worse then yesterday but still better then the previous weeks. Today i miss him more. I would love to talk to him. I would love to catch up, but i am no way prepared for him to tell me he is seeing someone, so i will not contact him. I have resisted the urge to check his profile.

 

I am exited to start my new life (moving to a different city) and i am actually hyped of being single. I really want to focus on me. I want to start working out, start a new sport, meet new people, flirt, but no dating. I don't have time for that. I am not in the mood for that. I have never had casual relationships or FWB etc. I am considering that, yet i don't know how to handle. Well, in theory everything's perfect. (just remembered, i posted an answer to a FWB situation and i was wanting to edit my post to clarify that i have no such experience, i will do so later, but if i don't manage again, i apologize to the poster ). So yeah, it's different when you are actually in a situation. Oh well, i'll see. One thing i am sure of is i do not want to get into another relationship for at least 6 months! I would like to think at least a year, just wanna keep it on the safe side.

 

Well, that's pretty much it. So, almost a month in. It is better, it does get easier. So hang in there everyone!

[Itchy]

Of course it gets easier with the passage of time, the passage of time heals all wounds.

 

It's great news that you've made progress but be mindful of trying to force yourself to get over it as quickly as possible, it's always important to be honest with yourself. You're already here talking about the prospects of casual sex when you are still hurting from your past relationship, that's not a good sign and could potentially lead to more disharmony and more hurt when it's not needed.

 

It's great that you want to try new activities, discover new hobbies and interests that's great, but make sure you are fully over your ex before you start seeing new people as papering over the cracks gives a false sense of closure.

[Wiseman2]

Good news and good luck with all the positive new endeavors!

I am exited to start my new life (moving to a different city) and i am actually hyped of being single.

[SooSad33]

I agree with Itchy... do NOT try to get 'involved' at this time.. or any time soon for anything.

 

Believe me.. you do NOT want to end up having some 'emotional feelings' start up for a Fwb. That does not go over well

 

Keep going in the accepting & healing... this all takes time and yes, you're presently dealing with loss.. so you are 'grieving' and this will come in waves.. and takes time. Many months +.

 

Dont rush anything. Take your time to get yourself back together.

[Cope]

Thank you all for the support!!

 

Oh hell no i am not ready for sex! Even the thought of it brings me to tears! I was talking about later on where i would probably be ready for it, yet i would not like to get into a relationship. I honestly want to stay for quite a while single. I also want to overcome this without finding someone else, it is a challenge. Indeed, finding someone else is an easy way out and also the wrong way. Never let's you heal completely, but above all it does not let you focus on yourself. I don't want to end up in another relationship with personal issues. This time i want to be prepared and actually really want to want a relationship to begin with and not just meet someone that has potential and go for it. That's why i am talking about FWB and casual sex. For me it was always, either single or in a LTR. Never in between. This last relationship was the shortest! (8 months?).

 

Anyways, yeah i am exited and i am planning to have tons of fun on my own! It's nice not having to think about someone else for a change!

 

Thank you all again! I love this forum! You rock!!

[rich46]

Thank you all for the support!!

 

Oh hell no i am not ready for sex! Even the thought of it brings me to tears! I was talking about later on where i would probably be ready for it, yet i would not like to get into a relationship. I honestly want to stay for quite a while single. I also want to overcome this without finding someone else, it is a challenge. Indeed, finding someone else is an easy way out and also the wrong way. Never let's you heal completely, but above all it does not let you focus on yourself. I don't want to end up in another relationship with personal issues. This time i want to be prepared and actually really want to want a relationship to begin with and not just meet someone that has potential and go for it. That's why i am talking about FWB and casual sex. For me it was always, either single or in a LTR. Never in between. This last relationship was the shortest! (8 months?).

 

Anyways, yeah i am exited and i am planning to have tons of fun on my own! It's nice not having to think about someone else for a change!

 

Thank you all again! I love this forum! You rock!!

I love your attitude, Cope!

 

Yeah, embrace your single status because it allows you to do absolutely anything you want which, after the break up pain subsides, is actually very liberating

 

My main passion is travel, and been/going to some amazing places that I wouldn't have experienced had my break up not happened 14 months ago.

 

Go for it!

[Cope]

Aw thanks Rich!

 

It kinda feels liberating now, i can't imagine how it will feel when i am totally over him! Last couple of days i woke up not crying but i think it's because i am not able to (not home), cause right now i'd love to cry my eyes out, just for a bit, to help the weight i am feeling on my chest go away. Today is exactly a month since the break up, 2 more days for 30 days NC. I am househunting now and the stress of it makes me miss him.I keep seeing him in faces that walk by. I just wish i could send him a text and tell him how hard it is finding a house, ya know just casual talk. But, we're broken up. I am sure that missing him this much now is due to stress. I am still hyped about my single status in general.

 

Traveling will be my "poison" too! Can't wait!

[Breakup Buddy]

Yes, keep going and don't be afraid to process your feelings. It is the best think you can do.

 

I would recommend the articles on the site breakup-buddy.com

 

Adam

[tina-rocks]

Congratulations Cope on NC. You have been very brave and I know it's been really tough.

 

You will still have your days and stress will definately trigger them, such as a move, but your strong and I know you can do it.

 

Christina

[Cope]

Thank you so much! I just saw your last replies.

I will check that site Adam thanks! Christina, i indeed really missed him. I returned yesterday only to find myself crying when i entered my apartment.

 

Now that i am back i can cry freely, so today started again with me crying. Good memories entered my head and although at first i was smiling, then i cried. I can't wait till they just turn into happy memories. I have never been through this before. I do not want to recall any of my memories with exes. Not that we don't have happy ones, it's just that the bad ones were a lot more towards the end.

 

I read a comment from catfeeder somewhere these days saying something about grieving being your choice too. Well not like that, it sounded much better, like, from some point on it's your choice to sit inside and cry or get out and plan a fun day or something. I do believe so. There does come a point where you choose. I am at that point and , specially when i move, i will be choosing the fun day part, hoping that the memories will stop popping in my head without a trigger.

 

So that's my update, i am still sad, i don;t want to be friends with him, friendly yes, friends? No can do. I don't want to get back together now. I could see that happening somewhere in the future , like a year or something, but that means a lot of stuff have to happens that are not likely to. Also, i think i realized he wants to stay single for the rest of his life. I remembered that he met a friend of his, never married around 60 and he really entertained the thought, but that's me assuming again. To be honest, i am flirting with the idea of staying single forever! Of course, it's too soon to tell, but right now it sounds soooo good!!

[shiner501]

"The greatest two warriors are time and patience. Together they will achieve all things". Leo Tolstoy.

 

Hang in there. I am on this journey too and I am approaching 2 months 100% NC. You will have bad days occasionally, especially if you see him, a family member of his you were close to or maybe a situation or place you shared together. They will pass and you will amaze yourself how strong you will become. Don't worry about being sad now and then, you are grieving the loss of him. Time and patience will achieve all things.

[Cope]

Thank you so much shiner501!

 

Good thing is, it was a LDR, so no family members, no common friends, not even places as he didn't visit. The "memories" i have in this house will soon stop triggering me as i am moving too. It seems easier than other break ups, but it has it's difficulties. Strongest one being that the distance was most likely the reason we broke up.

 

Thank you again!

[shiner501]

You're welcome Cope and if any pearls of wisdom of mine helped you in any way then that makes me very happy. God bless.