I had to beg for him back now I'm having second thoughts?

[hotlikestyles]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. We get along really well when we are with each other but when we aren't with each other we always seem to argue about nothing over text. Our relationship hasn't always been easy and we have went through things just like every couple does. I have never threatened to leave or left my partner once. He has done this to me quite a few times. He says that all I seem to do is have a go at him for how much he isn't trying with me.

 

Sometimes I feel like it's me that puts all the effort in. He barely spends time with me and he barely really even talks to me much. He is constantly with his friends and it's just getting worse as time goes on. He never used to be this bad but recently it's like I have to book him in advance just to see him and he pretty much just does whatever he wants.

 

I have tried to talk to him about it a million times, and he always says he will listen and do something about it to change his actions then he never does. This leads to me having an argument with him about it almost every day. The problem is that I love this guy and I know he loves me and we do have a good relationship with each other and I do want to be with him as does he.

 

I just don't know how we can try to make it work???

 

We talked and talked about all of this the other night and he agreed to make more effort and I said I was stop arguing and it was all fine. Then yesterday, he was talking about how he has to give his bosses 17 year old daughter lifts to work in the morning and this really annoyed me because he doesn't even know her. I trust him with my life but it just annoys me that he agreed to do this. So I kind of kicked off about it and made it clear I wasn't happy. He just said that I need to grow up and learn to trust him after a year and a half and that I don't need to worry, it's just a lift.

 

So basically, he came round last night and told me he was leaving me. After everything. I didn't know what to do and I thought he was just joking and having a laugh with me. He told me he was serious this time and that I was to cancel the holiday we recently booked which is four months away. He says all I do is bicker and moan at him for everything that he does and he's just not happy anymore.

 

I literally had to beg for another chance. Telling him that I promised I would be different and I would stop arguing with him over stupid things. He wouldn't budge and I went on and on. Eventually after about an hour and a half of arguing and me crying and trying to persuade him. He said okay fine I'll give it another chance but the minute you try to argue with me about anything, I am done and I won't even talk to you again.

 

This made me happy. I was glad. We spent the night together. He agreed to still go on holiday with me and said he loved me and he did want to be with me, he's just annoyed about the arguing and doesn't want it to happen. One little comment he did make is that he would still have sex with me even if we didn't go out. That really annoyed me as I was left thinking about why he would even say that.

 

So I have woke up this morning feeling completely terrible and unhappy. I should be happy that he is giving me another chance right? But I'm just worried.. I feel like I am now going to have to do everything possible to make things change and that he isn't going to bother doing anything that I asked him to do in the first place.

 

He already is avoiding seeing me the rest of the week even though I've only seen him one night this week. He also said that I'm no longer staying at his house at nights when he had to pick his bosses daughter up in the morning as he doesn't want me to be there as it will just be awkward. Surely it will be more awkward just the two of them when they don't know each other but anyway..

 

I am stuck between two minds. I love this guy to pieces and I can't imagine a life without him and I don't want to. I know that he is the guy I wanna be with and he can be. I just don't know if I'm being too hot headed all the time and I need to chill out. I always thought it was all his fault but now I'm really starting to think that the arguing is all me and I'm just pushing him further away every time. He says I never used to be like this and that's when he actually did spend time with me and everything.

 

How do I stop myself being this kinda girl that I also don't want to be..

[PICCOLLO]

Seems like you don't want to be with him but the thought of not being with him hurts. From what you've said here, you guys need a break. Two or three months at least. If after that time you've both grown enough to still want each other then give it another try. I was in a relationship similar to this and persisting only leads to resentment. Neither of you seem happy atm. Don't hold onto something that isnt working because youre afraid to let go.

[Man with Dog]

You seem on the clingy side of average. That's not bad in itself but means you cannot be with someone who is very independent. I just don't see this as a good match.

[Cherrybomb3]

You should never get to a point where you beg someone repeatedly for anything. You crying for over an hour trying yo change his mind was really unnecessary. He has the upper hand and too much of a hold over you. You don't want to appear desperate. No one looks upon that positively. You should just stay away. He hasn't been into it for months. Time to stop. If somebody doesn't want you, it's never good to promise you'd jump through hoops. Relationships are about compromise of course, but you're meant to be yourself. It should never be a case of "don't go, I'll do better!"

[East4]

One little comment he did make is that he would still have sex with me even if we didn't go out.

 

This is worrying. I hope I read it wrong, but it does seem to me that you have been demoted to friends with benefits. So, no dates, no going out, you are not allowed to stay at his house, but he's gonna have sex with you when he's horny. It's not even FWB, it is more of a f**king buddy that he has given you the role of. Please, respect yourself and do not agree to this deal. If you agree to it, in a few months you would be disgusted with him, but most importantly with yourself. It is better to break it off till you still have your self-esteem intact.

[SooSad33]

From my end, i do feel you two are drifting your separate ways.

 

he's annoyed of your 'bickering' and to a point. I can understand why. BUT, in ways i can understand you harping at him IF he never spends time with you and is always with his buddies.

IF you truly are interested in someone you WILL make the time and effort to see them and make them a part of your Life.

It is fine to have a social life outside a relationship but not where you never see your partner.

 

I agree with Piccolo ^. You two need time Apart. A good 2-3 months to see what's going on and IF you really are compatible.. or not.

There NEEDS to be respect, communication, understanding and working together in a relationship. Not all one sided..etc.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he is tired of arguing and has demoted you to fwb or booty call. Constant break-up threats are a red flag. It means you can't get along or communicate effectively. Dump him.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. He said okay fine I'll give it another chance but the minute you try to argue with me about anything, I am done and I won't even talk to you again. he would still have sex with me even if we didn't go out.