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judithhz

By judithhz
in Dating Advice

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judithhz Rookie

judithhz

Posted
Posted

well, it is not really about online dating itself.

 

I got a message from some guy on match. His message seems very sincere.

Then I googled him (including his amazon book reviews). (I am not a stalker but I just couldn't help googling matches). He seems to be intellectual and so do his family. He seems to be the same kind of people: religious, well-educated, conservative, born and raised in an intellectual family...

 

However, I found something shocking happened to him: he was almost got killed by his ex a few years ago and very badly injured: stabbed in chest and got skull fractures. (It was on the local news.)

 

Well, I am really hesitating to reply now. Of course he was the victim. He was the one got beaten and stabbed. But I know nothing about what happened behind it and I know nothing about how well he has recovered from it, both physically and mentally.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted

Did he tell you this or did this come up in googling? You may want to ask to see if this amazon person, this stabbing person and the guy who messaged you are one and the same.

I got a message from some guy on match. I found something shocking happened to him: he was almost got killed by his ex a few years ago and very badly injured: stabbed in chest and got skull fractures.
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gp11a Rookie

gp11a

Posted
Posted

Have you messaged him back at all yet, or did you Google him from his initial message, profile, or image search?

 

It's up to you if you want to pursue... Guess you have something in your back pocket to be aware of, if it's the same guy... I think it's unfair to judge and not even get to know him, if you were leaning in that direction. Imagine all of the stuff that happens to other people you date and it isn't discoverable through a Google search. And then you'd find out later. He probably wants all of that behind him.

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JamesT2 Apprentice

JamesT2

Posted
Posted

Detective google doing its job again.

 

I'm like you though, whenever I find an interesting match I cant help but look up with say detective. I'm not a stalker either and have no bad intentions but I'm curious. It's a two edged sword though. As the OP pointed out people might have been involved in a felony or crime whereas maybe they have moved on from their past now.

 

Anyway yes he was the victim and probably still suffer psychologically from that crime (ptsd) I mean being stabbed is serious enough. Tread ligthly

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judithhz Rookie

judithhz

Posted
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Posted

Not yet. Usually I don't reply if I don't want to pursue. I just googled him by his first name and occupation then his image pops out.

 

I know I have my own problems, too. I have been single for too long and I knew very little about men. I am funny in public but I always live in my solitude. I have had only one relationship and my friends say it's cannot even be called a relationship. This is why I think this guy is date-able at first but later things appear to be too much for me.

 

But then I keep thinking what if this guy is really a good guy, who really fits me.

 

 

Have you messaged him back at all yet, or did you Google him from his initial message, profile, or image search?

 

It's up to you if you want to pursue... Guess you have something in your back pocket to be aware of, if it's the same guy... I think it's unfair to judge and not even get to know him, if you were leaning in that direction. Imagine all of the stuff that happens to other people you date and it isn't discoverable through a Google search. And then you'd find out later. He probably wants all of that behind him.

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Robin2904 Community Regular

Robin2904

Posted
Posted

I think it might be a bit much to dive into someones entire background before ever talking to them. I don't know, I've never googled someone until we've at least had a date. I think if you're gonna judge this guy off of something that happened in his past especially something like this where he was the victim isn't fair and you would potentially be missing out on someone good.

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TMifune Enthusiast

TMifune

Posted
Posted
Well, I am really hesitating to reply now. Of course he was the victim. He was the one got beaten and stabbed. But I know nothing about what happened behind it and I know nothing about how well he has recovered from it, both physically and mentally.

 

All things you can find out by..........talking to him!!

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Tinydance Grand Master

Tinydance

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Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't Google people I date basically at all lol It does sound horrible what happened to him but I guarantee you that majority of people would have something terrible in their past and their baggage. E.g. I tried to commit suicide twice. But I don't tell people about it unless I REALLY trust them because I believe I deserve a fresh start. If he didn't commit any crimes but was in fact the victim, that does not make him a bad person. And from online dating you really don't know the guy at all, you can only truly know him in real life. If you like how he presents online then I suggest you meet him in person and base your decision on the real him in real life. And of course don't bring up what you Googled because then he would know that you online stalked him.

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notalady Mentor

notalady

Posted
Posted

How he handles the unfortunate incident depends on how well adjusted he is - something you can only find out in person. As to why his ex did it, is also something that can only be found out in person (later down the track, not on the first number of dates).

 

If you're not interested to even find out whichever the case is though, yes it's best to just not respond.

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