Coffee invite after flirtation with ex - good or bad?

[Heartsonfire12]

Hello ENA community! Long time no post, but I'd love some feedback from you all. A couple weeks back, I ran into my ex who I avoided like the plague for months. He broke my heart about 9 months ago and would flaunt his new hookup in front of me. I was so angry at him. Anyway, I decided that the hatred I had was not worth the energy, so I started being nice to him when I saw him. He was even a little flirtatious. I didn't think much of it, but I was glad we were able to be in the same room without tension.

 

I saw him again recently when hanging out with a group of friends. Everyone had a few drinks and he ended up kissing me. We had limited text exchanges over the past few days (I certainly did not want to seem clingy) and I randomly received a text from him this afternoon asking if I want to meet for coffee this week. I battle with OCD so I am overanalyzing this like crazy! I'm sure it's hard to answer, but do you think it's likely an attempt to catch up on a positive note, or do you think he wants to tell me what happened recently was a mistake?

 

Appreciate any opinions!

[shellyf62]

It doesn't matter what he wants to tell you, he cheated on you & rubbed it in your face. Why would you want to have anything to do with someone that did that to you?

He is probably between gfs at the moment & lonely, so is trying to see if you are up to a booty call. Block him & move on, you deserve someone a lot better than him!

[shessofly]

Proceed with extreme caution. THere's no telling what his motive is. Did you accept the offer?

[HeartGoesOn]

Are you comfortable with rewarding him for the lowest form of disrespect he demonstrated towards you, as well as losing every ounce of self-respect that you have left?

 

If so...Go for it.

[Shane Falco]

Hello ENA community! Long time no post, but I'd love some feedback from you all. A couple weeks back, I ran into my ex who I avoided like the plague for months. He broke my heart about 9 months ago and would flaunt his new hookup in front of me. I was so angry at him. Anyway, I decided that the hatred I had was not worth the energy, so I started being nice to him when I saw him. He was even a little flirtatious. I didn't think much of it, but I was glad we were able to be in the same room without tension.

 

I saw him again recently when hanging out with a group of friends. Everyone had a few drinks and he ended up kissing me. We had limited text exchanges over the past few days (I certainly did not want to seem clingy) and I randomly received a text from him this afternoon asking if I want to meet for coffee this week. I battle with OCD so I am overanalyzing this like crazy! I'm sure it's hard to answer, but do you think it's likely an attempt to catch up on a positive note, or do you think he wants to tell me what happened recently was a mistake?

 

Appreciate any opinions!

 

Honestly? He's probably just seeing how far he can go with you and what you'll put up with. I mean he cheated on you, disrespected you and not only are you not angry with him, but you are nice to him, flirting with him, and kissing him. So of course he's going to see how far down the rabbit hole goes -- he knows that he can be a to you and not only will you not hold it against him, but you'll want more.

 

Even if he did tell you it was a mistake, you are giving him a shining neon sign saying that he can make that mistake again.

[Heartsonfire12]

I'm not sure where the cheating on me thing came from, I apologize if I was unclear. He didn't cheat on me. We broke up and months later I bumped into him and he was with another girl and made it known. If he cheated on me, I never would entertain the idea of getting together to catch up.

[SooSad33]

" He broke my heart about 9 months ago and would flaunt his new hookup in front of me. I was so angry at him."

- You seriosly want to hang with someone who acted like this to you??

[Shane Falco]

I'm not sure where the cheating on me thing came from, I apologize if I was unclear. He didn't cheat on me. We broke up and months later I bumped into him and he was with another girl and made it known. If he cheated on me, I never would entertain the idea of getting together to catch up.

 

Ok, so he didn't cheat, but he still treated you like a piece of crap. And you are basically telling him that it's no big deal. I honestly think he's seeing how far he can go with you since you've been receptive to everything thus far.

[shellyf62]

I misread your post, sorry, but my advice still stands!! You deserve someone so much better than him!

[Heartsonfire12]

No worries - thank you all for your opinions!

[cortneys11]

I don't ever understand why this is the Getting Back Together thread and 98% of the posts are people telling other people to forget trying to get back together. My advice is go out for coffee but go slow... Don't talk to him about relationship stuff either you have to treat it like a new relationship to actually start over.

[boltnrun]

I don't ever understand why this is the Getting Back Together thread and 98% of the posts are people telling other people to forget trying to get back together. My advice is go out for coffee but go slow... Don't talk to him about relationship stuff either you have to treat it like a new relationship to actually start over.

 

Um, because he treated her poorly?

[Shane Falco]

I don't ever understand why this is the Getting Back Together thread and 98% of the posts are people telling other people to forget trying to get back together. My advice is go out for coffee but go slow... Don't talk to him about relationship stuff either you have to treat it like a new relationship to actually start over.

 

Because this board was originally founded to help people that have already decided to get back together, not to encourage people who have been treated like dirt to go back to the person treating them like dirt and not to tell people to mindlessly chase someone who has dumped them. Telling people what they want to hear doesn't get them where they need to go.

[cortneys11]

Oh ok... Well then where are all the people who are back together with their exes cause I've only seen two or three threads about actually being back together.

[HeartGoesOn]

Oh ok... Well then where are all the people who are back together with their exes cause I've only seen two or three threads about actually being back together.

 

That's the point, as the ones who actually do "get back together" are few and far between.

[boltnrun]

Oh ok... Well then where are all the people who are back together with their exes cause I've only seen two or three threads about actually being back together.

 

Because usually couples who get back together don't need relationship advice anymore. So you won't see them on relationship advice forums.

 

I did reconcile with an ex, five years after we broke up. The relationship ended the second time for the same reasons it ended the first time. I made the mistake of listening to his words instead of looking at his actions. Plus I was feeling vulnerable (had a guy do a slow fade on me and I was feeling bad about it).

 

I also had the opportunity to reconcile with another ex. An ex about whom I'd swore I'd love "forever" and who I'd sworn I'd never, ever get over when he'd broken up with me. Well, I said "no thanks" to reconciling because I actually did not love him "forever" and I got over him. In short, I don't want him back.

 

So, there are my two stories!