Heartsonfire12

Six months and I still think of you daily...sometimes with fondness, other times with anger. I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. Easier said than done to forgive and forget.

I walked by the place we went to on one of our first dates tonight. Just when I thought I was feeling better about this, I find myself in tears. I hate that six months later, it still hurts me...and you walked away like I meant nothing.

How dare you disrespect me again by being all over another girl at a gathering, knowing I was there. Another wonderful part was this girl staring at me, obviously aware of who I was, while she threw herself at you. With "friends" like this, who needs enemies. The first time this happened I told you how awful that was...so why not go and do it again? You're disgusting. Karma is in full force though since you lost your job...have fun being a bottom feeder!

Happy for you hopeless...hope I soon gain your strength!

Probably should have done this yesterday instead of sending text messages telling him to mail me my stuff and that I am disgusted with him and have no desire for him to be in my life. Here's what I'd like to tell him right now: You said you loved me but the relationship couldn't continue because you lost "butterflies." What a friggin cop out. You couldn't date me because I was just part of your own selfish agenda. You swept me off my feet when I met you, you treated me like gold. You knew I was hesitant but you convinced me that this was real and you weren't going anywhere. Then, after convincing me we could still be friends post breakup, you see me in public, talk to me for a little bit, tell me you'll see me on the other side of the bar...and then go on to make out with some girl...knowing I was right there. Knowing that it would kill me. There's a special place for people like you...that's all I'm saying. I feel for the girl, because either she's okay with a casual hookup (that's clearly all you are after, sources have confirmed that with me) or she is going to get hurt too. And yet I still can't shake it. I still secretly hope that my less than kind texts got the point across to you. You weren't my first love, but you were my strongest love. And truthfully...it disgusts me.

Real love isn't a Hollywood movie. Real love evolves as two people who are committed to each other grow more comfortable together. Real love requires give and take, but you are too self-absorbed to see that. I really thought you were the one...I miss you every single day. When I do run into you, you talk to me and joke with me just like nothing went awry. It actually wears me out trying to pretend like I am fine without you, when all I want is to give you a huge hug and tell you how much I miss you. I get that you want to be friends because you think I'm a wonderful person, but when I see you it is just to hard. Learning your longest relationship at age 30 was only two years long and it was over 10 years ago is not remotely shocking. You're such a great guy who seems to have it all, but when people get close you pull away. I hope one day you realize how much you had with me. I also hate that, deep down inside, I still want you back. Wow, that was cathartic! 😀