Not attracted to boyfriend anymore

[PattiePhoenix]

Help!

 

I'm not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. I have no desire to sleep with him. I still love everything else about him and I know if I end it it will devastate him. I think I've been feeling this way a long time but I've been lying to myself. Can I get it back? He loves me so much and is a great boyfriend but truth be told I fancy someone else. This someone else probably isn't good for me. And I know I made the right choice with who I chose, but is there anyway of getting it back?

 

Help!!!

[SooSad33]

Is there a way to get it back? Probably not. if it's gone.. Im guessing it's gone.

 

You have 'feelings' for someone else now anyways.. so now you have to deal with that? I guess it's telling you you're done with the Bf.

[TMifune]

Help!

 

I'm not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. I have no desire to sleep with him. I still love everything else about him and I know if I end it it will devastate him. I think I've been feeling this way a long time but I've been lying to myself. Can I get it back? He loves me so much and is a great boyfriend but truth be told I fancy someone else. This someone else probably isn't good for me. And I know I made the right choice with who I chose, but is there anyway of getting it back?

 

Help!!!

 

The way to get it back is to stop fantasizing about the other guy, and refocus your energy on your boyfriend. Start actively appreciating him instead of taking him for granted and thinking about someone else.

[Wolfshook]

Maybe you two just went stall and you need to spice up your life together. Do something new,different (not just in sexual way).

[greta96]

You won't be able to get the "spark" back as long as you fancy someone else, that's a given.

It sounds like you chose to stay with your boyfriend, and I think you made the right choice. You just have to give yourself some time for the other guy to get out of your system, and once he's out of your heart and mind, chances are you will be able to get things back on track with your boyfriend, if you put your mind to it.

[PattiePhoenix]

Its more complicated then that... And I know people will judge me about this, but me and my current bf have been on and off for 4 years. After nearly a year, he wanted to break up because he had unresolved issues for an ex. We broke up after he treated me quite harshly and I was devastated. He then hooked up with his ex, but it didn't work out. In the mean time I had moved on, happily single, dating casually, new job, new friends when we met up again. We got back together but it was unknown to me that he had got back with the ex. He wasn't treating me right and I eventually left ended it for someone else I'd fallen madly in love with. Only problem was, he had a new ex-girlfriend who threatened us and was so devastated that we ended it. In the meantime, my current bf did everything to get back with me, so I gave him another shot. Surprisingly we've since had a year and a half of wonderful loving times. But I still have feelings for that other guy, even though he is so wrong for me. I wish I felt the same physical attraction for my boyf as I do for him. That's the main issue. Me and my boyf have no sex life cos he works all the time. What do I do?? It's not so easy forgetting someone. We're in the same group of people. Part of me thinks, them, they both treated me badly in the past, I need to be alone. But my boyf has changed so much....sorry for rambling.

[gigiselle]

You're not married. You haven't committed vows to anyone yet. You like and love him and feel guilty. attraction has past. Dating is a time to try people out to find out about what works for you...what you like and don't. You experience things and find out about yourself and your own needs before locking down on a relationship. It doesn't mean your disposing of him!! Tell him about the way you feel and move on. Sometimes things don't work out. Sometimes people simply fall out of love....don't string him along and quit trying to "develop" feelings you don't have.

[ThatwasThen]

You'll never "develop feelings" for anyone as long as you are so focused on a dweeb who didn't want you. I think you'd do well to be single until you stop fantasizing about dweeb, learn to stop your fantasy thoughts about him and get to the stage of indifference to him.

 

Seems you're so afraid of being alone that you pick the wrong people, you go back to them so you're not alone and you fantasize about being with those that don't want you because they still want who they are no longer with.

 

I eventually left ended it for someone else I'd fallen madly in love with

So does this mean that you cheated (and it doesn't have to be physical for it to be cheating).

 

Yea... seriously consider breaking up with who you are now with, training yourself to be indifferent to the dweeb you pine over and learning how to live happily as a single. You are beginning a pattern of being a monkey dater where you won't let go of one branch (guy) until you've a firm grip on the next branch (guy). Learn to process one breakup before you start another relationship. Its quite unfair to the guys you are pulling to not be 100% into the relationship. It's also quite unfair to yourself to be clinging to men that are clearly not good partners for you.

 

I wish you well.

[hazel125]

First off it I'm assuming you must me young. From the sounds of you bouncing in and out of multiple relationships between two guys is pretty crazy. First off, leaving a current relationship just to bounce into another one because your attracted to another person is not healthy. Temptation will be in ANY relationship you get in, if you have a mind state of seeming to always keep your options open looking for the next big thing for you. Relationships take work and once the two people stop putting in work the relationship stalls out, don't believe in love movies where the fun and attraction stays intense the entire relationship with no work being put in. Couples need to try new things, need to support each other, need to go out on dates, it shows your partner you still love them. You just said your boyfriends busy with his job. Any successful guy you meet who has a good job is going to busy, that's life. Same goes for a woman. You have "feelings" for a guy who's no good for you and your going to allow it to jeopardize your current relationship. Don't string you boyfriend along, if it ain't working then leave him but that doesn't mean jump into the next relationship. I think you need time to figure out what you want in a relationship, why your being tempted so easily while in a relationship and just take time to figure out yourself.

If you truly love and want to stay with your boyfriend, you need to sit him down and have a talk on what you both can do to fix this problem. If you don't do that, nothing will change.

[PattiePhoenix]

Well, I ended my friendship with the guy I have feelings for and its killing me, but its the only way I can really give my current relationship the attention it deserves. At least then, if we break up, I'll know I gave it my best shot. So hard. But I've blocked the other guy, and we've made the choice not to speak or contact each other for the foreseeable future. Am I doing the right thing???? It seemed it was fair on everyone. But the thought of him meeting someone new is killing me...need some much needed encouragement here....

[girl00]

Same thing happened to me after four incredible years. I have no idea why and I really wish it didn't happen..even to this day sometimes I stayed with him for a whole year that I really shouldn't have, trying to figure it out and fix it. Around the same time I actually met someone else too that really intrigued me and made me feel even more confused. Someone who I also felt want the right choice, and kind of a bad boy, the opposite of my boyfriend. I wasn't sure if a past trauma was what was ruining the sex for me or if it was literally just me not being attracted to my boyfriend anymore. So I cheated on him with this new guy, to see if I could still enjoy sex at all. Cheating didn't really help me figure anything out, and when my boyfriend confronted me about if I had done anything with this new friend of mine I was honest. We tried to make it work still but I knew everything I was doing was cruel and that this wonderful man I had been with for so long deserved someone who was SURE about him, someone who really loves him. I still tried everything, I even told him the issue I was having and we tried all these new things, we went on trips, we really tried...but once its gone and your as sure as you sound, I think its just over. I ended up leaving him and eventually got together with the guy I had met. We live together and have been together for four years now, so did I make the right choice? I don't know if moving on to someone else to quickly was the right choice but i know that leaving my ex WAS the right choice, if not for me, at least for him. I have paid the price for stringing along someone I really cared about...sometimes I wonder if this man Im with now really loves and cares about me the way I care about him. Im sure this is how my ex felt. Sometimes when Im hurt by him I think "I could just leave, he should just let me go because if he doesn't love me someone else will, if he doesn't want to spend quality time with me I KNOW theres someone out there who would, who would value me and really love me." Thats true about your boyfriend too, there is someone out there for him. You sound sure of yourself, so I think you should let him go. Sometimes you have to break your own heart in order to do the right thing for someone else. The longer you stay with him and aren't attracted to him the worse things will be for him when you eventually do decide to leave him. You can't force a puzzle piece that just isn't the right shape...I know its hard, but its just not fair to him anymore. I don't know if you should jump right into things with this new person, but I think its time to break things off with your boyfriend. If its meant to be your paths could cross again. Stay strong, your not alone...I know how hard that is.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, I ended my friendship with the guy I have feelings for and its killing me, but its the only way I can really give my current relationship the attention it deserves. At least then, if we break up, I'll know I gave it my best shot. So hard. But I've blocked the other guy, and we've made the choice not to speak or contact each other for the foreseeable future. Am I doing the right thing???? It seemed it was fair on everyone. But the thought of him meeting someone new is killing me...need some much needed encouragement here....

If you want it to work with your current then you shouldn't be having any thoughts about anything to do with the other guy. Consciously change the subject of him when he pops into your head to something else. You've done the right thing to help you get over your crush by going no contact but now you need to go zero contact which means you ban him from your thoughts altogether. You ban him and yourself from creeping any social media sites of one another and you stop making threads about him that keep you mired in your thoughts of him.

 

Good luck going forward.

[Wiseman2]

Why did you choose to stay with someone you have no attraction to and are staying with out of habit? You were already on just about cheating...and unfortunately that may happen again if you stay in a loveless roommate style relationship.

I'm not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. I have no desire to sleep with him. truth be told I fancy someone else. I ended my friendship with the guy I have feelings for and its killing me, but its the only way I can really give my current relationship the attention it deserves.