Advice wanted. She has a live in boyfriend, but we flirt

[hnkmp55]

Ok I need some advice, or just some thought on my situation. Maybe just typing this out will help me to come to a conclusion on my own. I work with a beautiful woman, she is in late 20's. I am 33. Last 6 months we have become good friends, have lunch every day in a group of other co workers. Sometimes grab drinks after work with the same lunch group. Over the last 3 months we have been texting and flirting. It all began innocent enough. Then she would text me when she got into fights with her boyfriend. Little back story on them. They have been together on and off for last 10 years. They live together, and he works with us in a different department. I don't know him, I know who he is but we don't have a work or personal relationship. For months she has told people at work that he has no desire to get married and he doesn't know if he can see her in his future, but stays because she is confused. He lives with her, and she got him the job, so doesn't know where he would go or do if she asked him to leave. Plus there must be some sort of love for him if they have been together this long, I assume. When I asked her about this, she says she is confused and doesn't know what to do. She loves him but doesn't know if she is in love with him or stays because of the time and what there family expects. I haven't touched her or even kissed her as of now. I told her I would support whatever she was to do when she figured it out. Even though I am attracted to her, I am trying to remain a good friend. Ok on to the area I need advice in.

Friends at work that know her situation and know we like each other are urging her to leave him and go out on a few dates with me. To see what else is out there. She texted me yesterday saying he was out of town for the weekend and asked if Id like to grab dinner Saturday. Which I said yes. I plan on standing strong with being a friend and have no plans on trying to sleep with her. Tonight she texted asking if id like to have a drink at my place, and she would come over. I made up and excuse that my place was a mess and that dinner tomorrow was better. I know if she came over here, after a couple of drinks my resolve would quickly diminish. What should I do, I guess I am asking? Even though I don't necessarily like this guy, or have any allegiance towards him, I don't want to be "that guy". I also don't want to look back if we end up together, and think we started off with her cheating. I also don't want to be the reason they break up, if she decides to stay, and later he finds out. Im torn, because I really have been catching feelings for her, and I would love nothing more than her staying the night. Guess I know it would be wrong, for sure I do after typing all this out, but I would be interested on others thoughts please.

[abitbroken]

She is living with someone. Your flirting and contact end with her now. You should not be torn. You should run away from her. It won't end well.

[abitbroken]

Friends at work that know her situation and know we like each other are urging her to leave him and go out on a few dates with me. To see what else is out there.

 

These people are bad friends.

So are you if you say you are a friend.

If you choose to date her, she will have no trouble cheating on you when she grows tired of you, either.

[limichelle]

You need to end this she may be unhappy but she is unavailable. It worries me she would do this behind her boyfriends back. That is a definite red flag right there.

 

If you pursue her even with just being friends it's not right because your heart isn't in it for friendship, so your intentions are not pure.

 

Lisa

[Ms Darcy]

I wonder why people these days don't seem to value relationships enough not to stay away from people who are in them.

[HeartGoesOn]

You know very well where this is going, and the only person you're fooling is yourself.

[styve]

Don't get yourself involved in this sort of situation. Be her friend, sure, but don't think that because her relationship is on the edge that you have a chance to be with her. She's confused and that is her weakness. You're pretty much inviting her to cheat on her boyfriend with you. Why exploit that and make the situation even more complicated?

[Clio]

Over the last 3 months we have been texting and flirting.

 

When I asked her about this, she says she is confused and doesn't know what to do.

 

Tonight she texted asking if id like to have a drink at my place, and she would come over.

 

Why on earth would you want to get involved in such a train wreck?

 

1. She is the type of person who is ok with emotional and physical cheating. You are witnessing her personal code of honor/value system.

 

2. She is the type of person who airs her relationship grievances at work! What on earth makes you think that she would treat YOU any better if you two ever run into trouble??

 

3. She is the type of person who seeks for a replacement prior to breaking up. Nothing confusing about that. Imagine doing it to you after a few years...

 

4. She is a co-worker so if things don't work out you will have to see her everyday at work AND have others gossiping behind your back with her leading the chorus.

 

5. A ten year relationship ending like that is going to involve major DRAMA and you WILL be caught in the cross-fire with the added risk of ending up being a rebound.

 

6. Never a good idea to start something with someone who is "confused" regardless of circumstances.

 

Too many red flags IMO.

[catfeeder]

Even if you 'win,' you lose. You'd enjoy the victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you've had a front row seat to her capacity for disloyalty.

 

If she can be disloyal with you, she can be disloyal to you.

 

Once you recognize that, it's all down hill.