what should i do? get back or not

[gem2]

Hey everyone,

 

Long story short:

 

My ex bf and I dated for 5 years.

We ended things because now towards the end, he moved out of his parent's to move in with one of his guy friends that i really dislike because he's such a womanizer and thirsty for sex all the time.

Few days after he moved in with that guy, my best girl friend found my ex on Tinder...meaning he made a Tinder when he moved in with his friend for God knows what purposes.

I broke up with him over that, because it wasn't the first time i've caught him doing inappropriate online stuff...he once in the past had a AshleyMadison account which is like an infidelity site or whatever...I forgave him then, i'm not sure why, but this new time around i said "enough" and dumped him.

He contacted me two weeks after the break up that he needs to see me and talk to me and i assume it's to ask me to get back with him.

I told him I'm not ready to see him yet...to give me time.

What's driving me nuts is that i'm not sure what to do....I still love him dearly, but i'm not sure if i'm still in love with him.

I miss him terribly, but i guess that's expected if we spoke and saw each other every day for almost 5 years.

I don't know if to give him a one last chance, because in what he texted me, he said he's going to change.

Could you ever trust someone a 100% again after an infidelity?

I'm not sure what to do and this is driving me crazy... I always believe in giving people second chances, but this wouldn't really be one since i've forgiven him before (but we never broke up)? Or should i just move on?

Help meeeeeeeeeee!

This is making me so stressed

[nutbrownhare]

If you do get back with him, you can reasonably expect more "online stuff" which is unacceptable to you and undermines your relationship. He's done this more than once - that YOU know of.

 

It will be very difficult in the short term, yes, but nothing compared to the heartache you will go through again and again if you stick with him. Giving people second chances is a nice idea, but this guy has told you very clearly who he is, and how little he respects your relationship. If this feels OK for you, given that you'd been together for a long time, then go ahead.

 

Otherwise, don't meet up with him until and unless it won't cause a whole pile of heartache.

[ParisPaulette]

I did this with my ex several times after catching him on online dating sites. Ashley Madison isn't just an infidelity site, it's for married people to find affair partners--that's NOT something little and that's the point you should have walked away. Plus there was a data leak and quite the flap over people's names being released that were on that site, so keep in mind this guy's info about being on that site might be public somewhere.

 

Then Tinder? Yeah, also a known hookup/dating site while he was with you.

 

And you can blame his friend all you want, but we are the company we keep, so if that's the type of person your ex likes to hang out with then just understand it's because that's the kind of person your ex feels comfortable around and whose morals and outlook on life he enjoys and likes to be around. In short, the problem here is your ex, not his friends.

 

If you take this guy back a third time (and I say third, because you caught him twice already) expect further cheating, potential STDs, new and nasty online surprises, and a total lack of respect when he realizes he only has to say a few words and you'll look the other way. Not to mention an inflated ego of the "Hah, I am the bomb. I can cheat on this one all I want and she'll just keep letting me walk all over her."

 

If it were me, and it has been, I'd be telling him, "You had two chances, you blew it, not interested in a third." And I say that because I gave my ex six chances and he never changed. And did it to women he dated after I finally did dump him and move on. So yeah, that's what you're signing up for if you go back to him. Is that what you want?

[ThatwasThen]

I don't know if to give him a one last chance, because in what he texted me, he said he's going to change.

You don't believe anyone who SAYS "they are going to change." Those are just words. You believe that they are going to change once they can prove that they mean what they say by action.

 

Your ex is a chronic cheater... just like his friend who you dislike. It's odd that you don't see that... Why dislike one and "love" the other when they are EXACTLY the same? That's whack!

 

Don't go back to him. You will be shredded once again when, after he's done nothing to change (like therapy for his possible sex addiction) he cheats on you again. Keep in mind that HOW he cheats on you is premeditated He joins hook up sites to get sex from like minded women. That is not someone who is remorseful or even wants to change and its certainly no accident or mistake ... it's thought out and planned. Understand?

 

You already gave him a chance and he failed you once again. Time to go zero contact so that you can flush him from your system and down the toilet where non-monogamous people hurt monogamous people as a habit should be flushed.

[Clinton]

You don't want someone like this in your life, It risks not only your emotional well being but your physical as well. He's out screwing around and bringing whatever desease back into you relationship.

 

He won' change. It's who he is. They always say they'll change and that they want one last chance to show you what a good person they can be. The changes don't last.

 

As hard as it is, grab some self respect and move on.

[Man with Dog]

He COULD be trolling or catfishing online but it's as likely as not he's cheated or tried to.

 

If you don't trust him don't let him back into your life.

[ThatwasThen]

It's impossible to trust and untrustworthy person.

[gem2]

Hey everyone,

 

Long story short:

 

My ex bf and I dated for 5 years.

We ended things because now towards the end, he moved out of his parent's to move in with one of his guy friends that i really dislike because he's such a womanizer and thirsty for sex all the time.

Few days after he moved in with that guy, my best girl friend found my ex on Tinder...meaning he made a Tinder when he moved in with his friend for God knows what purposes.

I broke up with him over that, because it wasn't the first time i've caught him doing inappropriate online stuff...he once in the past had a AshleyMadison account which is like an infidelity site or whatever...I forgave him then, i'm not sure why, but this new time around i said "enough" and dumped him.

He contacted me two weeks after the break up that he needs to see me and talk to me and i assume it's to ask me to get back with him.

I told him I'm not ready to see him yet...to give me time.

What's driving me nuts is that i'm not sure what to do....I still love him dearly, but i'm not sure if i'm still in love with him.

I miss him terribly, but i guess that's expected if we spoke and saw each other every day for almost 5 years.

I don't know if to give him a one last chance, because in what he texted me, he said he's going to change.

Could you ever trust someone a 100% again after an infidelity?

I'm not sure what to do and this is driving me crazy... I always believe in giving people second chances, but this wouldn't really be one since i've forgiven him before (but we never broke up)? Or should i just move on?

Help meeeeeeeeeee!

This is making me so stressed

 

 

EDIT: *He swears he's physically never met up/done anything with anyone. He says it's just been online stuff like pictures, sext, etc., but no physical sex ever.*

[ThatwasThen]

EDIT: *He swears he's physically never met up/done anything with anyone. He says it's just been online stuff like pictures, sext, etc., but no physical sex ever.*

 

So? Whats your point? He's a cheater. Do you accept without judgement or angst his sexting other women? Do you honestly believe that if left unchecked he won't eventually meet up and have sex with a woman that he's been mentally intimate with? He's having emotional affairs. I suggest that you google that term and read up on it.

 

I ask, why are you making excuses to YOURSELF to accept him into your life. Read what you're writing.

 

He's a liar to boot so why would you believe him. You are once again only hearing what will make your own gut shut the hell up.

[lucidious]

Even if he's never met them physically, it's still cheating. He was actively looking online and sexting people. Why would you want to be with someone like that? You mention you are not sure if you are in love with him, maybe that's a sign to end it completely and move on. People change, sometimes they aren't the same person you fell in love with anymore.

[boltnrun]

You'd prefer to go back to him because it's easier than having to deal with a few weeks of "missing" being in a relationship.

 

So, you'd rather sign up for YEARS of being cheated on and having to spy on him instead of a few weeks of getting over him?

 

Does that make sense to you?

 

Oh, and is he still living with this friend? If so, how would you deal with that?

[Clinton]

EDIT: *He swears he's physically never met up/done anything with anyone. He says it's just been online stuff like pictures, sext, etc., but no physical sex ever.*

 

That my dear is what they all say.

[boltnrun]

That my dear is what they all say.

 

Exactly.

 

He's not going to say "I want you to stick around as my backup, but I'm still going to be seeking out and having sex with as many random women as I can get".