if you cheated would you tell?

[shiminimo]

i have posted here a few times about my ex gf, she cheated on me with another guy. i guess what pissed me off the most is, that she never told me she liked the other guy, I had to find out about it from my best friend cuz she didn't have the guts to tell me herself.

[brando]

I dont think i would cheat on someone. If i did i would not tell though. If it happened again then i would end the relationship with the person i cheated on.

[PrincessLinzay]

This is a rather difficult question. If it's an affair, I think it would be fitting to tell the other person. An affair is indicative of more than a physical relationship, it adds an emotional aspect.

 

There's also the one night stand type cheating. I think if someone does cheat on their partner one time, realizes it was a huge mistake and how much they love their partner, it's probably best left unsaid. It won't accomplish anything to tell them if you intend to make things work. All it would do is hurt them.

 

Also, if they've broken up with you to be with another person, and the relationship had already started, do you really want to know? Will you feel better knowing that they did leave you to be with someone else? I wouldn't feel better personally. Some things are indeed better left unsaid.

 

Those are just my thoughts.

[IrishClover]

I could never cheat on anyone to begin with because I would just feel too guilty and for sure it would probably show, but I had an ex-bf that I think did. I never will probably know for sure because he's a coward, but I too learned through an old friend that he supposedly cheated on me. I just don't see how being that he couldn't even ask me out in the first place in person ... he sent a text message... i don't know, kind of lame if you ask me.

[moleculo]

It's a tough call; I've never done it. My girlfriend had a one night stand-esque situation, she told me and while I suppose I'm better off in the world of honesty, it made my life hell for the longest time. Is ignorance truly bliss? perhaps.

[yeawutever]

Very unlike that I would even come close to cheating. But if hypothetically speaking I were to cheat, at the same time I would end the relationship and go complete NC.

[beauty21]

I wouldn't tell. Especially, if I still wanted to be with my partner.

[mrmaximum]

Very unlike that I would even come close to cheating. But if hypothetically speaking I were to cheat, at the same time I would end the relationship and go complete NC.

 

My conscience would kill me to no end, no thanks!! However, if I did I'd rather my wife (most likely soon to be ex) heard it from me than from someone else. I've said it a million times, if your SO hears if from somewhere else, they will find it hard to accept your answer of "I didn't tell you to protect you!"

[demolition_lover88]

it depends. i think if you cheated on someone, genuinly felt guilty about it and really loved the person you were with then i think its best you dont tell. if you knew you wouldnt do it again i think its best to save the other person from the heartache.

 

my ex boyfriend cheated on me. i found out from one of his friends and i never felt the same again, it ruined the relationship for me finding out.

[scotty77]

I think having a desire to cheat means there are problems in one's current relationship.

[karvala]

I don't think I would cheat either, but if I did, I think I would almost certainly tell, not least because I hate keeping any secrets from my gf, and even more I hate being a hypocrite and knowing how I would want her to tell me, I don't think I could square it with my conscience to keep quiet about it.

[mrmaximum]

I think having a desire to cheat means there are problems in one's current relationship.

 

Either that or with one's psyche. There arr still those that cheat when their spouse is being reasonable.

[tru8lue]

If you cheat and you don't tell your partner, your relationship is a lie. Why? Because you have to have trust in a relationship and be open about everything. If you withold that piece of information, you have fake trust. You have no right to continue a relationship with the person that you cheated on. You have to tell the person and let HIM/HER decide if they want to continue the relationship and rebuild that trust with you.

[Poe]

If you cheat and you don't tell your partner, your relationship is a lie. Why? Because you have to have trust in a relationship and be open about everything. If you withold that piece of information, you have fake trust. You have no right to continue a relationship with the person that you cheated on. You have to tell the person and let HIM/HER decide if they want to continue the relationship and rebuild that trust with you.

 

Agreed. I'd be willing to consider allowing the relationship to continue if she were apologetic, sincere, and honest. Granted it sucks, but at the same time... I'd think, wow at least she is telling me. Sucks but she is kind of putting the cards on the table.

 

I'm more worried about the girl that wouldn't tell. The relationship would definitely be a lie. The only way out is the truth. If she ever let it slip that she did that... ten days later, ten weeks later, or ten years later... I would swiftly kick her out of the relationship and out of my life. Infidelity is one thing, but that on topped of lying? Pfft

[Rum]

As someone who is currently going thru this, i say please tell.

I'm finding out about an affair after the fact.. i never would have known if she hadn't told me. Ya gotta respect that no matter what.

But every case is different i guess, i mean we have 20+ years, house, kids, etc. All great years except the last 1. She's so remorseful she's almost physically sick, and can't believe what she did. Right now the cheater is hurting more than the partner. But it still sucks.

 

 

Then you have the bf/gf, dating issues. Or a 5 year marriage where someone had a 2 minute kiss after 6 beer and 8 shooters. While it may not be good, maybe the damage on a minor mistake can be kept quiet if it is a one time ever mistake, never to happen again. BUT, if you sleep with someone, to me it isn't minor.

The kiss issue may make more damage being revealed, but the sleeping issue should be addressed to find out the real underlying problem.

But if you want an honest relationship... maybe just stay out of potential trouble situations in the first place.

 

--Rum

 

 

 

 

Agreed. I'd be willing to consider allowing the relationship to continue if she were apologetic, sincere, and honest. Granted it sucks, but at the same time... I'd think, wow at least she is telling me. Sucks but she is kind of putting the cards on the table.

 

I'm more worried about the girl that wouldn't tell. The relationship would definitely be a lie. The only way out is the truth. If she ever let it slip that she did that... ten days later, ten weeks later, or ten years later... I would swiftly kick her out of the relationship and out of my life. Infidelity is one thing, but that on topped of lying? Pfft

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

If i cheated i would tell, i dont like things eating away at me

[yeawutever]

Then you have the bf/gf, dating issues. Or a 5 year marriage where someone had a 2 minute kiss after 6 beer and 8 shooters. While it may not be good, maybe the damage on a minor mistake can be kept quiet if it is a one time ever mistake, never to happen again. BUT, if you sleep with someone, to me it isn't minor.

The kiss issue may make more damage being revealed, but the sleeping issue should be addressed to find out the real underlying problem.

But if you want an honest relationship... maybe just stay out of potential trouble situations in the first place.

--Rum

True it depends on what type of cheating you're referring to. If it's a pathetic kiss not to be repeated, why bother telling, it's not like you're at risk of catching a disease (least you can get is mononucleosis, known as kiing disease, lol). Now if it's about actually deep fooling around (outercourse) and/or sleeping around then hell yesss, that's not just a careless minor mistake.

[Poe]

I disagree. She might as well go all the way, she's just as dumped either way.

[computer_tec09]

I have told two girls I cheated on. I guess the main reason was that I didn't like seeing the looks on their face if they had found out themselves and also because I hate holding secrets.

[brendithebunny]

It's depending how special that person is. If I were to cheat on my fiance then it would mean he's not special and thus I would tell but it would be to end it.

[sammybug83]

To answer this question, it all depends on what type of relationship the "I" would be in prior to cheating.

If I was married, I would NOT tell. Telling the person that you love and vow to spend your life with that you have cheated on them is a way of relieving your conscience. That hurt should not be thrust upon your significant other. It should, however, stay with you until the day you die. It should be the cheater who carries the guilt and pain... not the person who was innocent in the equation.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I don't know what I would do if I were in a marriage and cheated. Hopefully I never get myself into this situation.

But if I cheated on a bf, I wouldn't tell (so I don't bruise the ego.. and perhaps I am a coward too to be looked down on) but I would break up with the person. To me it means that there is something missing in the relationship (not blaming my partner, just that maybe they aren't "the one") or I am not ready to be with the person/anyone.

 

Not only did I break the trust but I'm lying to the other person when I expect them not to lie to me. Plus if I got away with cheating and fooling around with someone once, what would stop me from doing it again. Wouldn't want to go down that path.