dilaroe Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 4 months since break up. Brief story: I begged for her to come back for a month after the breakup.She said no,obviously.She needed time but I didnt give her.Pushed her away more and more.And then I stopped and she texted me missing and thinking about coming back.She sometimes get jealous at that time period.But it didnt happen because she wasnt sure of herself.So she said im done...I was like thats okay,its not under my control anymore and I didnt say anything.But I cut contact for a week.But I didnt get angry to be honest,when we see each other I smiled her face,to show her Im not feeling bad.She responds same.But I was dying inside of course.But no point of making it hard for both of us.She saw me at the cafe at some point.She saw me laughing and enjoying.Three days later she asks if Im okay(breadcrumb obviously,she saw me three days ago).I didnt ignore her because we were friends before a couple.I said Im happy,got over her etc etc.She looked like got over me too...She said according to her point of view I was too...And I understand that this is a ego boost or something.She said that she wanted to believe she didnt love me and got over me.But she wasnt as she says,she wasnt happy,too.I thought she wrote this because she was alone.I was wrong,she was relieving her conscience,Im guessing.But I gave her the cold shoulder.She pissed(she didnt say anything but I know her very well).We cut contact again. Anyway,I started NC again.I was confused.Didnt really know what to think or what to do,but I decided 3 weeks ago to hold my ground no matter what.Didnt write her a word,nothing.So...She yesterday texted me if Im okay because she was worried that Im not going to classes.I said Im okay,mind your own bussiness and she pissed again LOL.She gave me the classic "not in love with you,but I love you as a person" sh*t.This time I went hard on her.Not a insult or something but I doubted her personality.This time she was furious as hell(dont really know why she's upset,Im not talking to her or something,she said some weird stuff before and now Im doubting her).This time told me she's over me and happy,why the are you telling me this? I didnt write to you for your current situation or something.She started to blame me again like what it was in our relationship...She was regretting her decision to writing me as she swears to never write me back(at this point..what can I lose? I already lose you,I dont get sh*t if you write me other that confusion). So ladies and gentlemen.I love her to death,there's no question about it.But I cant really let her to hurt me anymore with begging and telling I love her and didnt get over her.I still love her and didnt get over her. At this point in my life...I got used to live without her.Im not fine right now because I miss her alot.But Im not dying either,she was the one who given up on me.Im living my life,at the same time Im not closed to being together with her again.Is this mindset harmful? And the main question is WHY THE FU*K SHE'S WRITING TO ME, TWICE!!!!! Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Not sure why she's seeking anything from you? She's the one who ended it? Then she has made her choice. How about NO more interaction now.. so, YOU can work on accepting & healing? You can't do this when these 'little nothings' keep popping up! ""not in love with you,but I love you as a person" " - This, is what you have to remember.... I am sorry things didn't work out for you. Sometimes, we're just not so compatible... One day at a time... tc Link to comment
Pixels Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 She pissed(she didnt say anything but I know her very well) I said Im okay,mind your own bussiness and she pissed again LOL SUCH WATERWORKS! It's very gentlemanly of you to ignore her incontenence (NOT to be mistaken with incompetence)... (Sorry, I'm poking fun, I can tell English isn't your first language... What you said there implies that she engaged in the act of peeing herself (like, in her pants... involuntarily) but you were too polite to say anything... I know that you meant she was angry and you could tell without her saying anything) Weird English thing with past-tense verbs... Our language is actually pretty complicated with its rules... Sometimes words that are normally verbs (actions) can be used to describe the state of nouns (people, places, or things). So when you say "she pissed" it means she engaged in the act (verb form) of pissing... When you say "she WAS pissed" it means she was angry... This isn't always consistent though... For example, he was hung over... Typically means he felt sick the morning after drinking... He hung over means he was literally hanging over an object. Meanwhile "he WAS hung over" could either mean he got sick after drinking OR he was literally hung over an object. There's an element of contextual familiarity involved... But honestly nobody here cares about that, it's just for your own interest (I think inconsistency in our language is interesting, too... We usually take it for granted)... I could probably refer you to some good programs for refining your English... But it's good enough that I generally understand what you're saying... Not that I mind, but if I was learning a language I would want to be corrected when I made mistakes... Honestly, I think that you're better off without her... The fact that she blames you even in the break-up period isn't a good sign... But honestly, she's right... You should be going to your classes... Maybe find a school councellor to speak with. A lot of schools offer free therapy... You're not nuts, but both of you are in awkward positions, and I think neither of you display healthy coping mechanisms. Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 SUCH WATERWORKS! It's very gentlemanly of you to ignore her incontenence (NOT to be mistaken with incompetence)... (Sorry, I'm poking fun, I can tell English isn't your first language... What you said there implies that she engaged in the act of peeing herself (like, in her pants... involuntarily) but you were too polite to say anything... I know that you meant she was angry and you could tell without her saying anything) Weird English thing with past-tense verbs... Our language is actually pretty complicated with its rules... Sometimes words that are normally verbs (actions) can be used to describe the state of nouns (people, places, or things). So when you say "she pissed" it means she engaged in the act (verb form) of pissing... When you say "she WAS pissed" it means she was angry... This isn't always consistent though... For example, he was hung over... Typically means he felt sick the morning after drinking... He hung over means he was literally hanging over an object. Meanwhile "he WAS hung over" could either mean he got sick after drinking OR he was literally hung over an object. There's an element of contextual familiarity involved... But honestly nobody here cares about that, it's just for your own interest (I think inconsistency in our language is interesting, too... We usually take it for granted)... I could probably refer you to some good programs for refining your English... But it's good enough that I generally understand what you're saying... Not that I mind, but if I was learning a language I would want to be corrected when I made mistakes... Honestly, I think that you're better off without her... The fact that she blames you even in the break-up period isn't a good sign... But honestly, she's right... You should be going to your classes... Maybe find a school councellor to speak with. A lot of schools offer free therapy... You're not nuts, but both of you are in awkward positions, and I think neither of you display healthy coping mechanisms. First of all thanks for your response and advices about english,Im not native as you can tell and I dont have a chance to improve it =/ I mean,I get it,why she's blaming me because I gave her cold shoulder and didnt care about her after NC(why should I? She was the one calls quits and she should have give this choice by thinking she can be happy without me,right?) Im going to my classes,but I didnt attend one because I got my course on driving,thats why she didnt see me.Other than that,we're on different groups on lectures thats why she couldnt see me I guess. As for coping mechanisms,as I said before,Im doing my best to continue to NC even though sometimes Im miserable,but I have been successful other than responding her texts. Again thanks alot for your comment. =) Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 Not sure why she's seeking anything from you? She's the one who ended it? Then she has made her choice. How about NO more interaction now.. so, YOU can work on accepting & healing? You can't do this when these 'little nothings' keep popping up! ""not in love with you,but I love you as a person" " - This, is what you have to remember.... I am sorry things didn't work out for you. Sometimes, we're just not so compatible... One day at a time... tc You're right,but I didnt know that her love is all lost till yesterday.Before that she admitted lying about love and getting over me.We were compatible actually,I have never met anyone who just like me but as she confessed she didnt love me enough so she broke up with me.So you're saying that if she writes again,ignore her completely? Actually she swears not to write again,so its not something I should think about. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 And the main question is WHY THE FU*K SHE'S WRITING TO ME, TWICE!!!!! The question you should be asking YOURSELF is: Why are you still in contact with her at all? If you block her from reaching you, you'd be over her by now. It's clear she doesn't want to be with you so make is so she is NOT with you IN ANY WAY. Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 The question you should be asking YOURSELF is: Why are you still in contact with her at all? If you block her from reaching you, you'd be over her by now. It's clear she doesn't want to be with you so make is so she is NOT with you IN ANY WAY. Im not in contact with her I just cant ignore her,I cant do it anybody its not personal.At the same time I still love her.Oh well,Im just like a lil kid LOL.She doesnt want me but Im ready to accept her if she comes by,not that I need her to be happy,but I just believe that we're meant to be together,dont know why.Those memories and dreams about our future,marriage is hard to forget,I guess. Link to comment
Seymore Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Im not in contact with her I just cant ignore her,I cant do it anybody its not personal. Yes you can, you just choose not to. Then you choose to get pissed off when she does contact you. News flash: You are in fact in contact with her when you allow yourself to be contacted by her. You're doing this all to yourself. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 She's made her choice..Now you make the choice to heal! BLOCK her! Believe me it's the only thing that really works. The longer you stay out of contact the more she fades. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Because if she can get you to keep breaking the silence to affirm she's lovable to someone she still has control and can stave off that little voice inside her head telling her she ain't all that. There's another really great post on here right now about how to let love die. Go read it, stop feeding the past and move forward to a new beginning. Link to comment
robbeebobbee Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Not sure which is worse - Breadcrumbs or no breadcrumbs. Sounds to me like there is a tremendous amount of uncertainty going on in the mind of the dumper. No contact is the only way to go for everyone's sanity sake!!! Give it more time. The old relationship is dead. This will either start as a fresh NEW relationship later down the road, or you will eventually be better in the long run without it. I know it is hard because I am struggling with this everyday. All I want is my sweetheart back but I know if I contact her, the scabs will be torn off again. I am healing, my heart and my mind are in a a constant battle. All this and the Holidays are going on at the same time. I am thinking to myself " I will never be able to replace my special friend with someone else ". So glad that I have my ENotalone friends. I am going to find my happiness again and I know you will too. Nothing would give me more joy than to hear of one couple on this site getting back together and living happily ever after. But for now You, I, and everyone else on this site that is struggling, My hope for the Holidays is to find inner peace..... Link to comment
robbeebobbee Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Not sure which is worse - Breadcrumbs or no breadcrumbs. Sounds to me like there is a tremendous amount of uncertainty going on in the mind of the dumper. No contact is the only way to go for everyone's sanity sake!!! Give it more time. The old relationship is dead. This will either start as a fresh NEW relationship later down the road, or you will eventually be better in the long run without it. I know it is hard because I am struggling with this everyday. All I want is my sweetheart back but I know if I contact her, the scabs will be torn off again. I am healing, my heart and my mind are in a a constant battle. All this and the Holidays are going on at the same time. I am thinking to myself " I will never be able to replace my special friend with someone else ". So glad that I have my ENotalone friends. I am going to find my happiness again and I know you will too. Nothing would give me more joy than to hear of one couple on this site getting back together and living happily ever after. But for now You, I, and everyone else on this site that is struggling, My hope for the Holidays is to find inner peace..... Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 20, 2015 Author Share Posted December 20, 2015 Not sure which is worse - Breadcrumbs or no breadcrumbs. Sounds to me like there is a tremendous amount of uncertainty going on in the mind of the dumper. No contact is the only way to go for everyone's sanity sake!!! Give it more time. The old relationship is dead. This will either start as a fresh NEW relationship later down the road, or you will eventually be better in the long run without it. I know it is hard because I am struggling with this everyday. All I want is my sweetheart back but I know if I contact her, the scabs will be torn off again. I am healing, my heart and my mind are in a a constant battle. All this and the Holidays are going on at the same time. I am thinking to myself " I will never be able to replace my special friend with someone else ". So glad that I have my ENotalone friends. I am going to find my happiness again and I know you will too. Nothing would give me more joy than to hear of one couple on this site getting back together and living happily ever after. But for now You, I, and everyone else on this site that is struggling, My hope for the Holidays is to find inner peace..... I already know that I can be happy without my ex.Thats not the point,I can be happy either way.But I want to be happy with my best friend and true love.Thats whole another story.I can date,even marry with someone good,but Im pretty sure I cant get the chemistry that we had with my ex. Link to comment
ForgetYourEvil Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 I already know that I can be happy without my ex.Thats not the point,I can be happy either way.But I want to be happy with my best friend and true love.Thats whole another story.I can date,even marry with someone good,but Im pretty sure I cant get the chemistry that we had with my ex. You can find someone who won't leave you when times are tough. That I guarantee. You deserve BETTER. Check out my post about things to consider when you want to contact your ex. It'll help. Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 20, 2015 Author Share Posted December 20, 2015 You can find someone who won't leave you when times are tough. That I guarantee. You deserve BETTER. Check out my post about things to consider when you want to contact your ex. It'll help. I dont know if I deserve better or not.There are mistakes that I did.However I know them all,fixed them up,never ever gonna happen again.There are mistakes that my ex did too.But I never gave up on her,she did. Thanks for your response,will check them out. Link to comment
ForgetYourEvil Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Of course you deserve better. We all do. We all deserve to be with that person who knocks our socks off. If she gave up, then you need to have enough respect to move on and find someone who won't. No matter what. Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 20, 2015 Author Share Posted December 20, 2015 Of course you deserve better. We all do. We all deserve to be with that person who knocks our socks off. If she gave up, then you need to have enough respect to move on and find someone who won't. No matter what. I couldnt find that person and I think Im not going to at this point.I simply cannot trust anyone,even my ex,my great love left me.I trusted her more than anything,anyone.I gave my all.Yes,I did mistakes,big ones. But one thing I know is I never gave up on her,never.I loved her with all my heart.Last time she texted she told me "I doubted you loved me,now Im sure,you dont".Its just unfair.UNFAIR.I gave my all for for fu*ks sake.She knew it. I just started to think that she's doubtful of her decision.No other explanation.She just cant forget what I did for her. Link to comment
Annia Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 She said she didn't want a relationship right? That's all you have to know. Maybe she's doing this for validation, to feel empowered or maybe for some reason she doesn't even realize. If this is preventing you from healing properly I'd suggest you block her telephone. If you don't want to do this then why not simply asking her to stop contacting you so that you can move on and wishing her well on her journey? If she respects you she will stop contacting you and give you space for you to heal. If she doesn't and keeps on contacting you maybe it will help you take her of her pedestal. Be gentle with yourself. Link to comment
ForgetYourEvil Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 She said she didn't want a relationship right? That's all you have to know. Maybe she's doing this for validation, to feel empowered or maybe for some reason she doesn't even realize. If this is preventing you from healing properly I'd suggest you block her telephone. If you don't want to do this then why not simply asking her to stop contacting you so that you can move on and wishing her well on her journey? If she respects you she will stop contacting you and give you space for you to heal. If she doesn't and keeps on contacting you maybe it will help you take her of her pedestal. Be gentle with yourself. If she reached out, you could say, "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to get together?" Then invite her to your place. Hang out. Have fun.. and Hook up. If she says no, you can say, "Okay, if you change your mind, let me know." Then walk and never look back. Never bring up the relationship or talk about it. Getting back together has to be her idea 100%. You could take this advice, or you could just ignore her and move on. It's up to you. But either way, she did reach out which means she must be missing you to some extent. Just assume she wants to see you and try to hook up with her (this is assuming you are emotionally over the relationship -- if you aren't then don't try this strategy). Alternative strategy is to just move on. Note: Under no circumstances will you ever leave your house to see her unless she sees you three consecutive times. Link to comment
Annia Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 If she reached out, you could say, "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to get together?" Then invite her to your place. Hang out. Have fun.. and Hook up. If she says no, you can say, "Okay, if you change your mind, let me know." Then walk and never look back. Never bring up the relationship or talk about it. Getting back together has to be her idea 100%. You could take this advice, or you could just ignore her and move on. It's up to you. But either way, she did reach out which means she must be missing you to some extent. Just assume she wants to see you and try to hook up with her (this is assuming you are emotionally over the relationship -- if you aren't then don't try this strategy). Alternative strategy is to just move on. Note: Under no circumstances will you ever leave your house to see her unless she sees you three consecutive times. I think that wanting to see him should be her suggestion. I wouldn't feel hopeful because of the ex initiating contact. I'm not trying to be mean or harsh. Some people text others like that not because they actually miss them but because of emotional attachment. Some people also feel validated when they know they still have emotional power on their exes. I'm not saying these people are evil or that they even know they're doing this. Sometimes it's an unconscious thing. I would say that if he feels good he can answer and have a conversation from there. But if he's very broken inside this might be worse. If he creates expectations that she can't meet like getting back together or giving him the answers he feels he need it can set back the process. But whatever he does it's not the end of the world and things will get easier for sure. Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 22, 2015 Author Share Posted December 22, 2015 The problem is,guys,I made it clear 3 weeks ago that Im fine,and got over her.And she still thinks(as I can see last week when she AGAIN initiated contact)Im not over her. I already stated that Im over her(its a lie,yes,but I had to stay strong,cant give her anymore power).I gave her the cold shoulder to understand that I dont want to know anything about her,she got angry because "how the hell you're not worried about me?" She left me behind,and made this decision so she can be happy.She SHOULD be happy.I dont have to worry about her at all. I dont really understand why she's doing this.Im not getting false hope or something but its not normal because I stated the things she wanted to know before.There must be some kind of doubts in her mind to ask me again 1,5 weeks later. And btw,yes I offered her to meet up geninuely to talk about anything that she wants to know.But she stated that we have nothing to talk about...Then why the fu*k are you trying to learn how am I doing? She,again,blamed me,stated that I am not changed a bit,how bad I am,how I am like her father,who loves to argue. Anyways,Im going to heal as I have been doing.Im going pretty strong other than responding her breadcrumbs,which Im not going to do again. Thanks alot for your responses =) Link to comment
ForgetYourEvil Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 The problem is,guys,I made it clear 3 weeks ago that Im fine,and got over her.And she still thinks(as I can see last week when she AGAIN initiated contact)Im not over her. I already stated that Im over her(its a lie,yes,but I had to stay strong,cant give her anymore power).I gave her the cold shoulder to understand that I dont want to know anything about her,she got angry because "how the hell you're not worried about me?" She left me behind,and made this decision so she can be happy.She SHOULD be happy.I dont have to worry about her at all. I dont really understand why she's doing this.Im not getting false hope or something but its not normal because I stated the things she wanted to know before.There must be some kind of doubts in her mind to ask me again 1,5 weeks later. And btw,yes I offered her to meet up geninuely to talk about anything that she wants to know.But she stated that we have nothing to talk about...Then why the fu*k are you trying to learn how am I doing? She,again,blamed me,stated that I am not changed a bit,how bad I am,how I am like her father,who loves to argue. Anyways,Im going to heal as I have been doing.Im going pretty strong other than responding her breadcrumbs,which Im not going to do again. Thanks alot for your responses =) I'd say, "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to get together?" Then hang out, have fun, hook up. If she says no or acts confused, say, "Okay, if you change your mind, give me a call." Then walk and never look back. Gotta speak your purpose. You want to get back together. So if she isn't willing to see you, walk and never look back. She needs to come to you. Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 22, 2015 Author Share Posted December 22, 2015 I'd say, "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to see you. When are you free to get together?" Then hang out, have fun, hook up. If she says no or acts confused, say, "Okay, if you change your mind, give me a call." Then walk and never look back. Gotta speak your purpose. You want to get back together. So if she isn't willing to see you, walk and never look back. She needs to come to you. As I stated above,she doesnt want to see me. New update:She unfriend me on a gaming platform(battle.net) 2 hours ago,dont know why. Link to comment
ForgetYourEvil Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 As I stated above,she doesnt want to see me. New update:She unfriend me on a gaming platform(battle.net) 2 hours ago,dont know why. Because she doesn't want anything to do with you at the moment? Link to comment
dilaroe Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Because she doesn't want anything to do with you at the moment? Its been 4 months since break up,its a strange time to decide to that.And she could simply dont text if she doesnt want anything about me. Link to comment
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