He texts me first but takes hours to respond. Playing game or not interested?

[missy1114]

I've been going out with this (23 yo) guy for about 2.5 months. He's really nice and we get along great in person. We've been on about 10 dates so far. He's been taking things pretty slow with me and hasn't rushed for sex yet. In between our dates, he texts me maybe a couple of times a week, mostly to make plan for our next date. I've initiated convo with him too but usually it doesn't go very far because he doesn't make much effort to keep it going. Lately, I've noticed that every time he initiates a convo with me and asks me a question, I'd reply right away and ask him a question, he wouldn't reply back for several hours later. Why would he bother asking me if he doesn't care what I have to say? It's so weird. Is that typical guy behavior when they're playing game or are some of them just really bad at texting?

[melancholy123]

Why do you think he needs to respond immediately? Maybe he's busy, maybe he really isn't a fan of texting and sees it as a means to an end rather than a substitute for actually talking to someone. I dont think waiting a few hours for a reply is such a bad thing unless there's some emergency that requires a response right away.

[wai]

My current bf used to do that. I called him out on that and he stopped. If that bothers you, i would tell him so. But tell him in such a way that you're not nagging him.

 

He could be playing games. Guys are idiots sometime

[HeartGoesOn]

Why would he bother asking me if he doesn't care what I have to say?

 

Maybe because he has a life? Not everyone is attached to their phone 24/7, therefore I think you should cut him some slack. In any event, I would focus on his good qualities, and avoid looking for things that are trivial.

[lilygirl]

So he is really nice, you have a great time in person, and he is not pushing for sex? He sounds like a dreamboat. His text response time, or lack thereof, is irrelevant and I don't think it is about playing a game, or that he doesn't care what your response is, I think he probably has a life and is not dependent on texting. I think you should enjoy your time together in real life and not overthink online behaviour, because ultimately, action over words is always what counts.

[missmarple]

I would tell him it bothers me.

I know everyone on this forum (well, almost everyone) says people may have a life and not everyone is glued to their phone, etc, etc but that's not my experience at all.

I have my phone on me or next to me all the time. My friends and family are the same. Men I've dated were also the same...and we are all in our '40s and older. Younger people are even more attached to their cell phone from what I hear.

Not to mention that if someone is that busy, why text asking a question and not do it later, when they are not so busy?

It's NOT typical guy behaviour, for sure..as I can't remember any guy who was interested in me taking hours to reply to a text message..even guys who were at work at the time.

However, it doesn't mean he's playing games. Maybe he's just bad at texting...I don't really like this excuse but it seems that everything else with him is going well, so, who knows?

Have you talked about being exclusive? 2.5 months is enough time to know, in my opinion.

[saluk]

Ugh I would hate this. My sister does this to me. If you don't have time to text, you don't have time to text, fine. But if you send up the bat signal and I show up and you aren't there you are wasting my time, and possibly distracting me from beating up the joker on the other side of town. Maybe you are working for him.

 

I've gotten used to it but it still annoys me. Often when my sister sends me a text I just call her instead of responding via text. Gets things done much faster

[littlestar]

I wouldn't see it as a big problem. I often initiate texts with people when I have a spare moment and then reply to them hours later when I am free again.

[greta96]

No big deal that he takes long to respond. This is what I don't like about texting, once you start a string of texts, you have to keep it going over a period of time, and sometimes you just don't have time for that. Plus, some people are not big on texting. He is clearly using text messaging to convey important messages, such as date details, but not for small talk, and that's ideal especially in the beginning.

 

Everything else he does sounds amazing, guys who take their time to get to know you, plan dates with you, and don't push for sex are becoming a rarity these days, so instead of complaining about how long he takes to text you back, you should be happy that you had the rare chance to meet a guy like this!

Yes, plenty of guys text constantly, and then the women find out that they were texting to a few other women at the same time, and that all that texting was only used as a way to create a false sense of familiarity, an easy way to get into said women's pants, instead of actually putting some effort into taking them out and getting to know them in person. Believe me, you don't want a guy like that!

 

Enjoy what you have, it sounds very good to me!

[j.man]

Texting is tedious and boring. He knows you're the type to text right back and probably to have full on text conversations. He may be busy, but my instinct is telling me that him taking hours is him telling you "that may be you, but it's not me." Take it or leave it. Don't nag him. I'm the exact same way and wouldn't change that for anyone. I'll see you when I see you and we'll have a great time. But there are about 1,000 things I'd rather do than text back and forth-- with anybody.

 

If you want to date a big time texter, I'm sure you'd have no problem finding a guy to accommodate you. If not someone your age, then certainly a dude who's straight out of high school.

[dustyrain]

I find it a bit odd if I'm honest and the only typical behaviour is rude behaviour in my opinion, if you had done this to him his feelings on it then?..you just start dating and he doesn't bother replying to your texts for hours?! Even if he's not the type to text/dislikes it usually, surely he'd put a little bit of effort in to text you back in such early dating days. Don't make a big fuss over it (you don't need to scare him off by making it a big deal if everything else is going great) just ask him if he has any issues texting straight back/in a reasonable time (several hours?? MOST peoples phones are glues to them these days) as you find it makes you feel as though he's not putting any/much effort in to things OR you could copy his behaviour and see if he has a problem then, if he does it seems as though he's playing a control game. Red flag alert.

[j.man]

They've been averaging one date a week. If she wants more attention, she should invite him out more often, not expect him to step his texting game up. Sounds pretty middle school, to be honest. Texting during the dating phase should be used almost exclusively as an easy and convenient way to set up the next date, not as a means of getting to know someone or for validation. Just because we happen to have our phones on our person most of the time doesn't mean anyone is any more entitled to our attention.

[itsallgrand]

It's consistent with what you know of him so far. He likes to take things nice and easy, and get to know you over time through dates. That's a good thing.

 

I wouldn't say he is 'bad at texting', it's that he has a different relationship to texting than you do. I have friends, and a bf, who like to text a whole lot more than I do. Not that long ago, I tried an experiment with trying out more of their way of texting. Some of them had commented they would like me to reply sooner, and more often. So I did. Then it started to feel like a chore to me, as I was getting more and more texts every day! Instead of adjusting to my pace at all, a few of my friends saw this as the green light that I was enjoying these super fast and long text exchanges every day. And I simply wasn't.

 

I think it's good to have a simple conversation about it, in person. Let the person know a bit about how you feel towards texting, and hear out what they feel about it. Then both people can adjust a little bit to the other persons style. But if you are on opposite ends of the spectrum on style, sorry, but it just is defeating to expect the other person to adjust to yours full time. It's not any indication about caring about you or not. My super texting friends and bf have adjusted to my pace of mostly only replying when it's important, and the rest of it being 'when I feel like it or have the time'. And I have adjusted to getting a lot of texts from them, and not being annoyed with looking at my phone and there are a whole pile of texts to read through almost every time .lol.