mhowe Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 He sounds like my boyfriends' nephew. Loves the woods, mountain biking ---even down to working in a bike shop. Girls are way down on the priority list. It's likely hormones and flexing his "independence" muscle. My sister is going thru the same with her 16 yr old. Time for a "respect" is a two way street speech. Link to comment
Lisii Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 He sounds like my boyfriends' nephew. Loves the woods, mountain biking ---even down to working in a bike shop. Girls are way down on the priority list. It's likely hormones and flexing his "independence" muscle. My sister is going thru the same with her 16 yr old. Time for a "respect" is a two way street speech. spot-on YES! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Okay - what were the plans. Were they legitimate plans, such as there was a Christmas party that he had an invite to, or was he just inventing these plans/the friends talked about doing something but it wasn't concrete. If it was just maybe meeting up at the park to skateboard, then he should be gardening, but if these were "real" plans - a parent was going out of their way to accompany all a kids close friends to the holiday train ride or to a special movie or there was a school Christmas party that was preplanned (especially if you knew about it), then I understand his beef and the gardening can wait. Learning the art of the RSVP and not being a flake is an important skill, too. Link to comment
Lisii Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 No there were no solid plans - but, in his defence he will be away from his friends for a month (travelling overseas to see his father next weekend) so I understand his need to get in as much time with his buddies before he goes, I have told him that he can catch up with them in the afternoon, and they are welcome to stay the night, but first and foremost he has an obligation to his grandparents. (my mother is battling stage 4 Lymphoma and is going through Chemo, my father is struggling with keeping on top of things around the property and the boys and my involvement and support is paramount) In this instance family comes first. He needs to accept this, and I have compromised. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 No there were no solid plans - but, in his defence he will be away from his friends for a month (travelling overseas to see his father next weekend) so I understand his need to get in as much time with his buddies before he goes, I have told him that he can catch up with them in the afternoon, and they are welcome to stay the night, but first and foremost he has an obligation to his grandparents. (my mother is battling stage 4 Lymphoma and is going through Chemo, my father is struggling with keeping on top of things around the property and the boys and my involvement and support is paramount) In this instance family comes first. He needs to accept this, and I have compromised. Absolutely , it is crucial he sees his grandparents friends will always be there . He is just trying to flex his muscle they all do it. My mom used to call me " rebel without a clue".. Lol Link to comment
WithLove Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 I'm an only child and was a pretty good kid. I didn't make trouble and didn't look for it, either. In retrospect, if I did act out, it was for a reason. Hormones, independence etc are all good, but when it comes to downright disrespect in the way he's speaking and treating you, it makes me think there's something else going on in the background. Maybe school or friend stress. I'd try to have an honest talk, too. Allow some of your stresses to come to the table (just a few superficial ones) so that he can see he isn't the only one struggling. Maybe he'll open up, too once he sees that you're being honest and why you're expecting what you do. Link to comment
Lisii Posted December 17, 2015 Author Share Posted December 17, 2015 I'm at work at the moment. From today both my kidlets are on school holidays. Mr 14 yr old rang me at work this morning, trying again to get out of working for Granddad - aaaagain!, now little Mr 12yr has just rung me to complain that Granddad is making them work for their lunch! OMG poor Granddad!! I have on both phone calls stipulated what I wrote in my previous post, that I appreciate it is their school holidays and they are allow to have fun, but at this time Granddad needs their help and that they need to put him and Nanna on priority, they both have things organsied with friends this weekend so they are not missing out!. Mr 12 yr is my gorgeous gentile geeky child - I do understand he will be struggling with the fact that his tablet has been confiscated during the day, but honestly when I was their age I was working every morning before school in the family business! I'm starting to get angry as they are acting like spoilt little brats. (eeeeeek - It takes a lot to get me angry) The are most likely are struggling on top of hormones and kid stuff - The fact my exbf and I have broken up will hurt, we have been showing a united front for the kids - even watching the last 6 episodes of Star Wars together, the exbf has been in the boys life for 4 years and has said he's happy to be there in future. I know they are also torn as their father is getting married to his gf (who they don't like) when they are over there (Yes they have been through a lot in the last 6 years - we talk a lot about life and we are very open about everything, they are both with Seasons Grief Program with the local Church as well - (I am not religious, but I leave the option open to them.) Please keep sending suggestions, I am open minded and take everything on board, My boys are my life, my all and I hurt when they hurt. - Thank you Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 17, 2015 Share Posted December 17, 2015 Just hold your ground...that gramma is very sick and that showing grandpa that they want to help make his life easier is very important way to show their love. Link to comment
Lisii Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 I came home to a freshly mowed lawn (though my 14yr old did have to ring me aggggain at work to advise me that he's not impressed that the neighbours dog pooped on the lawn and he drove over it with the mower and that I had to tell the neighbour off as it was "Disgusting!" ) - I told them that was it was karma for being argumentative! haha Anyway, Lawns are mowed, house is vacuumed and not to messy (boy clean - not mum clean) I can cope. they are off playing with their friends, I am about to put my feet up and watch Ridiculous 6. lets see what tomorrow brings Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 They heard you mom. Acknowledge it with high praise. With kids, "attack boy" goes a lo g way to adding pride. Link to comment
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