brokenheart14 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I am not looking for a relationship with him. i really like this guy since we first met. He is married so I know nothing would happen between us. But I like him. he is well-educated, super nice, down to the earth. I always feel he must be a wonderful hunsband and father. however recently I heard something about him which makes me so confused. I do not know if it is me, I am too conservative or I was wrong about him...please give me some advice. what do you think about this guy...I am so confused... he married his wife because she got pregnant. so he does not feel much love in his marrige. he has an affair with a girl in his previous work place. But it is not for love..he just described it as he really enjoy to share great moments with this girl. When he want to end this relationship, the girl refuse to break up. she does not want him divorce and marry her, she knows he will not marry her (she is a black sexy girl..some family still cannot accept it..) but she want to remain this relationship for ever. finally he changed his job and he still keep seeing this girl regularly and treat her as his girl friend. he does not want to hurt anyone. he just enjoys great moments... I donot know how to understand him. I feel it is a jerk behavior but he feels I am too serious about it... am I not open enough for this that I am not aware of? what kind of guy he really is...am I too out of fasion? believe me even he tell me all this, I still cannot image him as a bad guy...he makes everything is rational in romantic ways, like we only live once, he fell for those moments to enjoy his life. he gives you the most attention and makes you feel you are significant to him even forget he has wife, kid and a girlfriend...it feels like even he has all of them, you are a significant person in his life too. you would forget all the facts and really enjoy the attention he gives you. I am an attractive girl and I have many pursuers but none of them ever give me this feelings... I know exactly I cannot fell for this guy but I want your opinions what's the deal of this man? he is just a romantic guy or a bad one...am I too out of fashion, too conservative to this world? please help! I am so lost.... Link to comment
Chanterelle Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why does his family life matter so much to you? Is he your friend, your coworker, or something else? I think he acted in an acceptable manner-- there is really no way to handle such a sticky situation well, and certainly his choice doesn't condemn him in my eyes. But it was his choice, and I don't see why it affects you. Link to comment
brokenheart14 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why does his family life matter so much to you? Is he your friend, your coworker, or something else? I think he acted in an acceptable manner-- there is really no way to handle such a sticky situation well, and certainly his choice doesn't condemn him in my eyes. But it was his choice, and I don't see why it affects you. I know it is his choice. just when I know all of it, I begin to judge him..feel he is not as good as I thought...but when he tell me I am too serous about life..it make me feel maybe I have problem about relationships...like I am not open myself to this world.. Just we see think in different ways...he feel I am too serious to make me wonder if I am really is. so I come her to ask most opinions about it. is it me? I am too serious, not open? I should learn to open myself up, to grow up..? Link to comment
Lisii Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 He is a schmoozer, most probably a heart of gold... but no responsibility. Walk away from his way of life/loving will only bring heart ache. (edited to correct my bad english! Link to comment
brokenheart14 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Why does his family life matter so much to you? Is he your friend, your coworker, or something else? I think he acted in an acceptable manner-- there is really no way to handle such a sticky situation well, and certainly his choice doesn't condemn him in my eyes. But it was his choice, and I don't see why it affects you. I understand the sticky situation he is handling..but I always feel why he get involve with this girl in the first place. Man can involve with a girl that he dosen't feel love?! then does that still make him a good man...or man is like that...sometime is a girl makes the move or try to get him, it is hard to refuse...we cannot judge a man based on it... I just do not understand when I began to feel judge him, am I too serious about it and I need to grow up? it is just somethg i never think about. I just feel if it is the time I need to get out of my fairy tale world and grow up in adults world. Link to comment
brokenheart14 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 He is a schmoozer, most probably a heart of gold... but no responsibility. Walk away from his way of life/loving will only bring heart ache. (edited to correct my bad english! yes yes yes...I think he is a schmoozer, and he has a heart if gold!!! it makes him so wonderful...so you also think he is a good person and yes, no responsibility. ... I should not judge him, right! I need to open and grow up! Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 He's married, what don't you understand about that? Link to comment
stuka80 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 So he's cheating on his wife and likes to tell people that its ok, he's just living and enjoying life? Ok if it helps him sleep better at night sure, he can tell himself nice fantasies like this. But in reality, any decent, self respecting person would not want to associate with a guy like that. You say you dont want to have a romantic relationship with him, and yet you're lying to us and to yourself and you certainly believe the crap and bs that he's telling you. If you really dont want anything to do with him, then stop talking to him and just ignore him, simple as that, did you forget that he's married? or does that not matter cause he's such a "nice guy"? Real nice, being married and hooking up with girls on the side. Link to comment
colourmeazure Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 If he married the woman and doesn't have an open relationship with her, then he's cheating. Marrying a woman you don't love because of a baby is not anything to brag about either. He can be a dad and support the child without a loveless marriage. At least that way he wouldn't be cheating on the poor woman and would be far enough to give her the opportunity to find someone who loves her. And it doesn't matter if he's having the affair with the young woman out of love or just for fun, he's disrespecting and rediculing his wife, someone he made a commitment to. A promise to go through life as partners, to support each other. There's never an excuse for cheating Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 He's obviously a psychopath who uses people. That's how they work. They charm you into doing things you are uncomfortable with by showering you with affection and everything you want to hear. Don't fall for it. If he's not offering the type of relationship you want then stay away from him. He is not a good person. Judge people by their actions, not their words. It's easy to say things. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Isn't this the same married man that you considered having an affair with? Hasn't he already acted inappropriately toward you? It's been months...why are you still hung up on this man? Link to comment
brokenheart14 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 no he did not tell me the whole story himself..but he did not feel shame of his life either... yes, like I said, I definitely do not have any relationship in romantic ways with him. it is a question just for myself about how to see and understand this complicated relationship...not for a relationship with him... I just feel I always in a simple relationship, I like the boy and he likes me, then we begin dating..and when we feel not right we broke up...I have never been in so complicated situation, so I judged him..looked down on him...but right now I just feel maybe I was narrow minded..I do not understand his world at all...maybe I should open my mind about it because I have not experienced anything complicated like that yet... but it seems for some people they feel it is not tolerated, totally bad. .and some people feel it is in an acceptable level.... life is complicated..I guess it is all up on our life experience. .no matter what I feel sorry I judged him, gave him a look down attitude, I have no idea what he has experienced and no right to judge him... it is his life..i cannot just because I feel I like him and jump in his way to judge his life.... we won't see each other, hope God could help me to pass my sorry and my bless to him. I wish him all the best. he is a nice person who has a golden heart, he deserves happiness. I wish he could solve all the problems and get on with happiness. Good luck!! and thank you all for replying me. hope you all a Merry Christmas. Link to comment
stuka80 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 I have never been in so complicated situation, so I judged him..looked down on him...but right now I just feel maybe I was narrow minded..I do not understand his world at all...maybe I should open my mind about it because I have not experienced anything complicated like that yet... Its called having convictions, integrity and a moral compass. You dont have to look down on him or judge him when you dont agree with his lifestyle, but you certainly don't have to leave your morals and beliefs behind just because he chooses to live the way he does. I've met people like him, in fact one of my close friends were in the exact same situation. I remained his friend and tried to help him fix the situation but I never thought him cheating on his wife with another woman was right and I lost alot of respect for him when he did that, because i thought he was better than that. And its not even that hard to resist a woman's charms. Its not like his life was in danger, or that his child was starving was it? No, he was simply lonely and thought the best way to fix it was to go and have fun with another woman regardless of circumstances and consequences, instead of doing it the proper and honest way, by divorcing his wife first or at least agree to separate and see other people. But instead, this guy you're talking about is openly cheating on his wife and trying to play it off like its ok, that he's just having some harmless fun. You're going very easy on him because you like him and dont see it the way you probably normally would. Link to comment
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