No contact during his finals week. Is this reasonable?

[missy1114]

I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months, been on 8 dates. We're not official yet. He and I are both in professional programs so we're both busy. In between our dates, he rarely texts me unless it's to make plans for the next date. The last time we saw each other was over 2 weeks ago, before Thanksgiving. After he came back in town after the break, he texted me and asked how my week went. Then he told me that he has finals almost every day for a week and a half but if he could get any free time, he'd like to see me. I understand he might not be able to meet during the week, but I was hoping he would at least spare an hour or two on the weekend to see me but he never followed up nor texted me at all. I texted him towards the end of the week to ask how his finals are going and he replied but did not make plan to meet up. I feel like if he really likes me then he'd make the time to see me or at least talk to me. Am I being unreasonable for expecting that from him during his finals? I don't know if he's just not that into me.

[mhowe]

I think that his grades are a stronger priority than a woman he just met. If he didn't text before, now would not be the time to step up his game.

[dave_1966]

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Grades are far more important than dating.

[Blue_Skirt]

You only went on 8 dates and you’re not official yet. His finals are only one and a half week. He replied to your text. Where is the problem? Be happy he takes his finals seriously. Simply wait and see how things continue.

[PH Suite]

I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months, been on 8 dates. We're not official yet. He and I are both in professional programs so we're both busy. In between our dates, he rarely texts me unless it's to make plans for the next date. The last time we saw each other was over 2 weeks ago, before Thanksgiving. After he came back in town after the break, he texted me and asked how my week went. Then he told me that he has finals almost every day for a week and a half but if he could get any free time, he'd like to see me. I understand he might not be able to meet during the week, but I was hoping he would at least spare an hour or two on the weekend to see me but he never followed up nor texted me at all. I texted him towards the end of the week to ask how his finals are going and he replied but did not make plan to meet up. I feel like if he really likes me then he'd make the time to see me or at least talk to me. Am I being unreasonable for expecting that from him during his finals? I don't know if he's just not that into me.

 

Sounds like you've met a real man. Hold on tight!

 

Constant texting burns your goodwill and leads to stagnation. And yes her should focus only on school during finals. If you need more contact, talk with him when finals are over and better yet after you're official. Meet in the middle, but better if you can meet more on the side of not being needy. Quality tome over quantity, real talk vs. texting/tweeting/FB/BS.

 

Good luck!

[ParisPaulette]

Eight dates in you're lucky he doesn't disappear on you altogether for Finals week. Have you ever done Finals? It's sort of like being made to run six marathons simultaneously with all of your professors screaming at you while they're on your back, your career is hanging in the balance, and you've got avoid hot lava while jumping over hurdle after hurdle.

 

It is not fun. I would never do it again and it nearly killed me when I did do it. You are being totally unreasonable and I suspect do not have enough to do yourself or you'd be thinking, "Oh thank God. Now's my chance to go get X, Y and Z done without this man in my hair wanting me text him all the time."

 

Get busy yourself, don't build an entire world around him, he isn't building one around you and eight dates neither of you should be. Slow things down, both of you need to not lose sight of the bigger picture in all of this or you're going to chase him off since it sounds like he takes his education seriously. Which by the way is an awesome thing when there are plenty of people who just treat finals week as one big party since mummy and daddy are footing the bill and they don't care anyways.

[melancholy123]

You are expecting way too much from a person dealing with finals! What's your rush? If he's into you he'll be there after his finals are over with. Slow down. Not everybody feels a need to be constantly texting someone. Find things to occupy yourself!

[PH Suite]

I'll add that if you care about him at all you'll refuse to see him when he should be studying. If he says he's done studying...during finals? Tell him to study and sleep more. Don't be selfish.

[LovelyDani87]

Everyone has a second to stop and text, regardless of what's happening. If you're interested/thinking of someone, it's pretty simple to send a quick hello. We all stop to eat, sleep, restroom breaks etc therefore there's time to send a quick "Hello, very busy, we'll catch up soon." Don't become a booty call date just to help him relax on his down time.

[lilygirl]

I agree with the majority, you are being unreasonable. I think he sounds like a good guy! He let you know what has happening with his schedule and that his time would be limited, he didn't just disappear or go quiet on you, and the fact that he isn't a chronic texter is a huge bonus. He has been respectful and open with you and now you must be respectful of his work/exams etc. Do not make this about you or you and him as it will blow up and not in a good way.

[catfeeder]

He's being reasonable, and as an act of kindness to myself in your shoes, I wouldn't hold high expectations of him being all too available directly after finals, either. I thought I'd catch up with loved ones and party like a mad woman after that stint--I collapsed instead. I wasn't right for about a week.

 

Head high, and focus on your own stuff.

[missmarple]

I disagree with the majority of the posters. He's not that into you. Texting/calling takes MINUTES. Noone studies 24/7 without at least a few intervals and someone who is into you will want to let you know that he may be busy but he hasn't forgotten about you.

[catfeeder]

I disagree with the majority of the posters. He's not that into you. Texting/calling takes MINUTES. Noone studies 24/7 without at least a few intervals and someone who is into you will want to let you know that he may be busy but he hasn't forgotten about you.

 

He's consistently viewed contact as a means to set up next date, and he's not positioned to do that right now.

 

Not everyone sends 'thinking of you' messages. What would compel someone to suddenly start doing that at a time when they're exhausted and overwhelmed?

 

We're allowed to romanticize our own ideals and project those as 'shoulds' onto others--it's not against the law. It's just not very satisfying when those ideals don't play out the way we envisioned--and we each get to decide whether to create an equally fictitious problem out of that, or not.

[notalady]

Well I think you'll just have to wait and see. It could be either he's losing interest and using the finals as an excuse to fade out, or he's genuinely busy and will ask you out again as soon as finals finish.

 

For the record, my boyfriend hardly ever texted me when we first started dating (even now, it's rare), mostly to set up dates. But when I went overseas for holiday a month and half into dating, he messaged me a couple of times to say he hopes I'm having a good time (and we had a brief chat) and to wish me a safe flight back home, both of which let me know that he's thinking about me without stating so. I think that if you're thinking about someone, you will want to let them know even just in some very small ways.

 

Anyway I think there's good argument on both sides, and really, no one knows the real reason for his lack of contact other than himself.

[Batya33]

I was really into my boyfriend during finals week(s) in grad school. My grades were top priority- they dictated all of my future professional success at that time - and yes they took priority over him and he knew that. Still, when there was a storm one night and he asked if he could stay at my parents' house (where I lived) since he could not get home, I knew he had another perfectly comfortable/safe place to stay at a friend's and I knew I could not risk the distraction of having him there (even if he respected my need to study- I knew I needed complete isolation/silence and no I wasn't taking breaks). I said no (yes, if he had had nowhere else I would have had him come) and he was surprised. He ended up being just fine and it did not affect our relationship.

 

Point is - please do not judge what he has "time for" at this time -maybe when he takes a five minute break to use the bathroom he has notes pasted up on the wall to memorize (yes I did that), maybe if he takes 5 minutes to grab a sandwich or a drink from the kitchen he just wants to be in his own head space. Also he doesn't know you that well, so he might not be comfortable saying that he only has a minute. And texting is cheap -that's just like a comfy security blanket - he doesn't need to check in with you - you know exactly where he is.

 

If he had promised to call at a certain time and did not I would feel differently.