10 year old boy know it all talking back +

[KootenayBoy]

My son is turning ten in just about two months, he has changed so much in the past little while he went from a caring helpful boy to this know it all who wont take no for an answer, he talks back says mean things bosses his cousins around has to have things his way if he does not he has a melt down tantrum. this is a complete 180 from how he used to be and Im at my witts end in dealing with him.

 

He is home schooled so he is not in a class room setting he spends time between his mothers house and my home and I gather its happening there as well but to a much more volatile extent for the first time in his 10 years Im considering suggesting he spend more time at his mothers (skip one rotation with me) hoping that he will miss what he has while with me and give me a bit of a break. He just started returning to his mothers as she was away in hawaii for 6 months. He has a new half sister there and a step father so it may also me good in that respect.

 

He is so sure he is right now and wont listen to me something he has never done before he wont keep his hands off other kids always pushing hitting etc again brand new Ive cut his gaming to nothing and limiting his youtube as well as Im thinking he may have picked this up from youtubers? Im not one to ban it altogether as I feel its part of our life now so may as well learn about things but as this is so out of character for him Im looking to see what may have cause this transformation.

 

thoughts, opinions, similar situations?

[Seraphim]

Preteens are notoriously difficult.

[Seraphim]

Also sounds like tons of change in his life. Maybe he needs help with it.

[Hollyj]

Why not deal with the problem, instead of avoiding it, by going on your little break. Try some counseling.

 

I think it might be a more responsible approach as a parent.

[Dottieflanogon]

These are some fairly severe behaviors. Is this extremely sudden or pretty gradual over the last couple of years? Some teens have a rougher time of it than others. It may be time for a referral to a child psychologist.

[KootenayBoy]

excuse me and your judgment, Ive been and taken him many times from the time I split with his mother until now. Ive been the satel constant in his life and the one looking out for him while his mother focused on herself and dating etc so just because for the first time in TEN YEARS Ive thought about needing a break does not make me an irresponsible parent, and I resent your implying anything different that was uncalled for..... and incidentally the child specialists Ive been to have had nothing but high praise for my understanding of my sons inner workings.

[KootenayBoy]

and for the record most of the times Ive had to deal with similar situations its been because his mother was more focused on herself than him and her constantly canceling her time with him or dropping him for some guy moving 13 times in a few years in and out of guys homes taking off to another country and then canceling her return time and again to stay in hawaii missing planned calls postponing his birthday for 6 month etc giving the new baby all the attention pushing him away for her new family right now she is in the good books with him because of promises and his new baby sister, my thought of giving him an extra 3 days with his mother was an idea to give him enough time with her to remove the rose colored glasses as its going to happen but as it is its just screwing with our time together because she is still in bribe mode promises of video games and other carrots that are always kept out of reach while I do the home schooling fill out the learning reports take him to the dentists and doctors do the teach er conferences etc for 10 years Ive done this not his mother I dont go out I dont bring strange women into his life I console him after she gives his pets away moves sells his toys pushes him away allows her boyfriends to hurt him etc Ive taken him to the councilors to and gotten her to go to rebuild a relationship with each other because he hated her Im FAR from a normal dad, so dont paint me with that brush Im at my witts end because of his attitude and having to be the heavy while others encourage his disrespect

[Pixels]

My son is turning ten in just about two months, he has changed so much in the past little while he went from a caring helpful boy to this know it all who wont take no for an answer, he talks back says mean things bosses his cousins around has to have things his way if he does not he has a melt down tantrum. this is a complete 180 from how he used to be and Im at my witts end in dealing with him.

 

He is home schooled so he is not in a class room setting he spends time between his mothers house and my home and I gather its happening there as well but to a much more volatile extent for the first time in his 10 years Im considering suggesting he spend more time at his mothers (skip one rotation with me) hoping that he will miss what he has while with me and give me a bit of a break. He just started returning to his mothers as she was away in hawaii for 6 months. He has a new half sister there and a step father so it may also me good in that respect.

 

He is so sure he is right now and wont listen to me something he has never done before he wont keep his hands off other kids always pushing hitting etc again brand new Ive cut his gaming to nothing and limiting his youtube as well as Im thinking he may have picked this up from youtubers? Im not one to ban it altogether as I feel its part of our life now so may as well learn about things but as this is so out of character for him Im looking to see what may have cause this transformation.

 

thoughts, opinions, similar situations?

 

I'm not a parent, but this doesn't sound normal.

 

I'm concerned that he's home-schooled... In some instances home-schooling is a boon to childhood development... Most typically this involves serious community effort and group-education... In many other cases it's severely stunting and masks severe social maladjustment (which is less-studied and under-reported).

 

At his age it's normal to challenge authority to some extent, but most kids understand physical boundaries at around 6 years old...

 

As a home-schooled child I think at this point some outside criticism is necessary, and his problems need to be addressed as a serious problem with his development.

[Seraphim]

Well, it is pretty clear why he acts out . His mom. If he's acting out he still needs counseling and maybe his mom cut out of his life.

[KootenayBoy]

thank you I have been expecting it and laying the groundwork for whats coming for a year or more now how teens brains are not developed in the consequences of actions, not trusting adults, extreme feelings etc but I guess I didnt expect it to start so soon

[Seraphim]

10 is exactly when preteens start acting up. It depends on when their hormones get started.

[KootenayBoy]

Ive been trying extremely hard for a long time to avoid that, like most people would have been in court years ago, Ive always just put out the fires, a boy needs his mother and shes not without merit and Ive always kind of known that she would do it herself at some point rather than make me the ogre. Like I said the idea to let him have a week there with her was to show him how good he has it at dads house because as it sits he has no point of reference to see the difference

[mhowe]

He's 10.

 

"He has no point of reference"? Neither do kids whose parents are together.

 

I think it's time you learn to set some boundaries and expectations. Little tommy is ruling the roost and this is only going to get worse if you don't start acting like a parent instead of his friend.

[Hollyj]

excuse me and your judgment, Ive been and taken him many times from the time I split with his mother until now. Ive been the satel constant in his life and the one looking out for him while his mother focused on herself and dating etc so just because for the first time in TEN YEARS Ive thought about needing a break does not make me an irresponsible parent, and I resent your implying anything different that was uncalled for..... and incidentally the child specialists Ive been to have had nothing but high praise for my understanding of my sons inner workings.

 

Parents do not get breaks. That's what you signed up for.

 

The boy is ten. Sounds like he needs additional counseling.

[catfeeder]

He just started returning to his mothers as she was away in hawaii for 6 months. He has a new half sister there and a step father

 

Looks like you've identified the changes in his life that have caused him to start acting out.

 

Consider consulting his school counselor for advice, along with any other social services professionals for more input.

 

Spending less time with him would not make these changes easier for him. You're his point of stability, and while he's taking things out on you, that doesn't mean pulling away would be helpful. Learn from professionals instead how you can reward good behavior and offer him incentives to curb the bad.

[Cheetarah]

I think sending him over there for extra days would be a mistake. Especially if you believe the behaviors are worse there and she plays favorites with her daughter, the revolving door going on. You'd be giving yourself a break at his expense. He is 10, he's not going to be like "It sucks here at mom's house, I'm going to be so appreciative of dad now and stop acting out." He's just going to have to deal with more of her instability which is very likely at the root of him acting out.

 

I don't know how often he is with you but if you need a break I suggest you do both of you a favor, get him in counseling and sign him up for an extracurricular activity or sport - To give him a healthy outlet and the chance to be around kids in a structured environment.

[Seraphim]

I think sending him over there for extra days would be a mistake. Especially if you believe the behaviors are worse there and she plays favorites with her daughter, the revolving door going on. You'd be giving yourself a break at his expense. He is 10, he's not going to be like "It sucks here at mom's house, I'm going to be so appreciative of dad now and stop acting out." He's just going to have to deal with more of her instability which is very likely at the root of him acting out.

 

I don't know how often he is with you but if you need a break I suggest you do both of you a favor, get him in counseling and sign him up for an extracurricular activity or sport - To give him a healthy outlet and the chance to be around kids in a structured environment.

Yes, a 10 year old can't make that intellectual leap.

[KootenayBoy]

ohh lol trust me I do Im not a friend parent Im a PARENT parent Im his friend second and Ive told him that. I do what I have to do because I know later in life he will need these lessons. his mother is the friend first parent second and usually leaves the discipline to her bf or brother (it took me months to get him to like her current one lol )

he is deff pushing the boundaries and I get that, I just needed to bounce ideas off others to see if I was close to the right track. what you said about no point of reference is what I believe too so I try to be that lead by example whenever I can but health issues has left me less than the bushmen mans man I once was, and my parents have been together 42 years SO this single parent thing is all new territory for me (hence seeing the councilors n such)

 

thank you I appreciate the comment (especially as it fits with what I believe lol )