Assets and marriage

[Blue_Skirt]

Thanks Fudgie! So that is somewhat similar as where I live. I just got the impression that alimony might not exist.

[Fudgie]

Oh no, alimony definitely exists here for couples who have an income disparity between them. A pre-nup just gets rid of that alimony, but child support still exists. However, I do believe that a judge can still overule all/part of the pre-nup if the mother was a SAHM with no workforce skills, and would be left COMPLETELY penniless and destitute, because she would have full/partial custody and that could be an unsafe situation for the children. She would still likely struggle though.

[Blue_Skirt]

Oh no, alimony definitely exists here for couples who have an income disparity between them. A pre-nup just gets rid of that alimony, but child support still exists.

 

OK, so there is a difference. Because where I live, you can make pre-nups, to protect your pre-marital assets. You can even agree that during marriage, assets bought by a certain person, will continue to be owned by that person in case of a divorce. But you can’t get rid of the alimony, because that is a decision that the judge will take.

 

It all depends on the difference income between the 2 partners, whether or not 1 partners stayed at home to raise children etc. etc.. Child support is out of this entirely obviously.

 

So now I understand much better when people here say that’s its fine that pre-marital assets are protected by a pre-nup, but that assets acquired during marriage are divided 50 / 50, since the pre-nup gets rid of the alimony.

[mhowe]

Pre nups can actually specify alimony. Not necessarily vet rid of it. Note HAlle Berry's ex and Daley CuCkos ex trying to increase the alimony specified in their prenups.

[Blue_Skirt]

Pre nups can actually specify alimony. Not necessarily vet rid of it. Note HAlle Berry's ex and Daley CuCkos ex trying to increase the alimony specified in their prenups.

Thanks, here alimony is completely outside of pre-nups.

[Fudgie]

Yeah that is true, like mhowe said, the prenups can specify the alimony amounts if it's still being kept.

[IAmFCA]

My ex used to say stuff like that a lot. I finally concluded after break up that it was probably because doing those nice things are not in his nature (including being affectionate), so every time he did, he wanted to bring to my attention, because to him, he's making a big effort to do what would've came naturally for others, and he wanted "points" for it. It's like he wants to win you over that way or something. But once he's got you, all that stuff will stop.

 

Counting points is rarely the hallmark of a lasting relationship. Research says the single trait is kindness. Psychology Today has some articles about this that may be useful for you, OP. Easy to google them.

[IAmFCA]

 

 

1. positive illusions (he isn't willing to do this because he is onm guard for being taken advantage of)

2. forgiveness (same note as above)

3. oxytocin

4. laughter

 

There you have it. Not sure if you have 2 / 4, but it sounds like that it is the most of this list you might have with this fellow, and that is not good enough.

[ParisPaulette]

That is my feeling; it’s what his behaviour means. I just feel like he doesn’t care one bit about me. I think marrying him might actually be dangerous for me.

 

It is very interesting because every time he does any little thing for me e.g. make me a cup of tea he has to make a point of it like “who got a cup of tea made for them, aren’t I lovely”, “I do everything for you, you know”, “Don’t I look after you”, “You’re the most important thing in my life you know”. I feel like in his words he makes out like he really cares about me but I think it’s just a front. It’s like he’s always bigging himself up and how lucky I am to have him, if he has to make such a point of it maybe he is hiding the real man.

 

It also feels like he is often dissatisfied with me and I constantly need to be doing a bit better. If he is unable to consider me at this stage imagine what it would be like if we ever did split up.

 

This guy sounds insufferable. Look never marry or have anything serious with a braggart. It does not end well and their over-inflated sense of ego tends to blind their sense of fairness and treating others well.

 

I'm sorry OP, good deeds don't count if you have to brag about them. And whenever anyone bragged to me about their "many beautiful girlfriends" I was out the door in a shot. Brag to me about climbing Mount Everest and making it to the top in a snowstorm. That's bragworthy, okay? But all the "I I I I I IIIIIIIIII" is just a giant turnoff when it's about things that big deal, don't mean crap to improving anyone's life.

 

Actually this guy comes off as someone who can turn emotionally abusive, which may be why none of those former "beautiful girlfriends" of his are anywhere around. Something to think about anyways.

 

Empty bragging is just the most childish thing. Napoleon Dynamite could do it and get away it with because he was in high school and sort of endearing in his nerdy cluelessness. But coming from a grown man who's a profession???? Nope, nada, nyet.

[abitbroken]

I would buy the running shoes before you invest in real estate - to run as fast as you can away from this guy.

[Retrjcg]

I agree with everybody and am 99.9999% sure that I will be leaving him, I’m actually looking for a property to move into and thought I would wait until I have somewhere to go before ending it. Thank you for all your advice!