Is marriage worth it?

[Moontiger]

The way I see it if people dont want to be married then heck PLEASE DON'T. It is not difficult.

 

Yuuuuup. And there are some people who without a doubt should not get married. For one I think that people should have to pass a psycological examination for they can say "I do."

[TMifune]

The way I see it if people dont want to be married then heck PLEASE DON'T. It is not difficult.

 

I think that ultimately most men want to get married. I think most men want to build a family.

 

But I don't see spreading awareness of the risks as fear mongering or any kind of threat to marriage as a whole. Romantic fantasies that can't possibly live up to reality are much bigger threat to marriage in general.

 

It's important to know the risks. It highlights the seriousness of choosing to whom you extend your commitment. If we say that we think people don't pick the right people, what more can we do? We can't pick people's partners for them. All we can do is tell him how serious the consequences of choosing poorly are in an effort to impress on them the importance of choosing wisely.

[Seraphim]

There is risk in ANYTHING other than sitting in one's domicile and NEVER LEAVING.

[TMifune]

There is risk in ANYTHING other than sitting in one's domicile and NEVER LEAVING.

 

Of course. But knowing the risks one can make informed decisions as well as do whatever they can to mitigate those risks.

 

You have to sign a waiver telling you all the risks before you skydive. That doesn't mean people don't still do it.

[Seraphim]

Well, if people don't understand relationships of any kind are fraught with risks I don't know what to say.

 

But screaming beware beware beware women just want to mame you is not "informing" people of risk.

[TMifune]

Well, if people don't understand relationships of any kind are fraught with risks I don't know what to say.

 

But screaming beware beware beware women just want to mame you is not "informing" people of risk.

 

Who screamed that?

[Seraphim]

That is what ALL these threads are about. Threads that state women are trapping men into marriage and then divorcing them to wreak financial and emtional wreckage on men so we can sit on our butts and eat bonbons and teach our kids to hate daddy.

[TMifune]

That is what ALL these threads are about. Threads that state women are trapping men into marriage and then divorcing them to wreak financial and emtional wreckage on men so we can sit on our butts and eat bonbons and teach our kids to hate daddy.

 

I really don't know what OP's intent was. He did couch it in terms of "for men". But even if what you say was the intent, I don't think the rest of us necessarily have to let it be about that. I think people made some good points. I'm actually a little proud that this thread didn't descend into something much worse by this point.

[Moontiger]

That is what ALL these threads are about. Threads that state women are trapping men into marriage and then divorcing them to wreak financial and emtional wreckage on men so we can sit on our butts and eat bonbons and teach our kids to hate daddy.

 

Lol, yup. I guess I don't understand it either. It seems so clear that relationships are inherently risky, emotionally, psychologically, financially, etc. I don't see that need in people jumping up and down, waving their arms frantically going "BEWARE!" It like if I said "Hey I'm doing to bungie jumping." and someone run up to me and shouted "WHAT??? That is so dangerous!!!!" It's kind of like....well, yes, of course. But I still want to do it and I'm still doing to do it.

[ottawa]

the original post was intended to point out how risks are far greater for men than women in marriage. The consequences are far greater for men than women. Feminism has become so powerful that men's issues are ignored. for example, biased court system where men get more jail time. Court cases of violence, harassment, and divorce favor women. Double standards that benefit women...Men's health recieves much less funding as well, see pic.

 

 

[TMifune]

Well, if you were going bungee jumping and someone came up to you to tell you in detail about how their brother, father, friend, or nephew was horribly crippled in a bungee jumping accident because he didn't check the carabner, then you'd be faced with a choice. You could tell that person you're sorry to hear about what happened to their loved one and accept that their advice came from a place of compassion. Or, you could condescendingly tell them that of course you know it's risky and they're stupid for mentioning it. I know which person I'd rather be, but I bet either way, when you clip that harness together you look at the carabiner to make sure it doesn't say "not for climbing".

[Moontiger]

the original post was intended to point out how risks are far greater for men than women in marriage. The consequences are far greater for men than women. Feminism has become so powerful that men's issues are ignored. for example, biased court system where men get more jail time. Court cases of violence, harassment, and divorce among others favor women. Men's health recieves much less funding as well, see pic.

 

]

 

Feminism supports men getting equal time with their child, and women not automatically getting custudy because Feminism holds that just because your a woman doesn't mean you are automatically better at raising children, and just because your a man means your bad at it.

 

Anyway, I hope you have found some good information in the posts here. Fact remains that the divorce rate is dropping and the courts are because more open to men and puishing any parent that alients a child from the other parent.

 

Women get screwed in divorces just as often as men do. Like my mom, who ended up with a toddler, pregnant, and having to work full time because her drug addicted ex husband stopped working and refused to get a job.

[Seraphim]

the original post was intended to point out how risks are far greater for men than women in marriage. The consequences are far greater for men than women. Feminism has become so powerful that men's issues are ignored. for example, biased court system where men get more jail time. Court cases of violence, harassment, and divorce favor women. Double standards that benefit women...Men's health recieves much less funding as well, see pic.

 

]

 

I will remember to tell that to my mom when she remembers not getting her child support back in the 1970s. Or the fact that she raised two kids and my dad partied it up because he was " single".

[Moontiger]

Wait...is that a link to 4chan?

 

Also, women's health care gets more funding because, well, its more expensive to be a women generally speaking. Pregancy (still exclusive to women) alone sets the cost much hire then for men. Then you have conditions that have much hire rates in women, such a breast cancer, and that lovely yearly exam women get. There really is no ONGYN equvilent for men.

[Moontiger]

More fun reads!

 

It's more expensive to be a woman then to be a man:

 

Women still don't make equal money to men for the same work: /

 

Women are more likely to sexual assulted:

[Seraphim]

I'm a pretty moderate woman that believes in equality between the sexes and I would like to see equality between the sexes. I am a mother raising a son. And raised him to believe in equality. But threads like these really push me more into the realm of not being moderate.

[TMifune]

I'm a pretty moderate woman that believes in equality between the sexes and I would like to see equality between the sexes. I am a mother raising a son. And raised him to believe in equality. But threads like these really push me more into the realm of not being moderate.

 

But why? You yourself claimed early in this very thread that it takes the law awhile to catch up. The law was set 30+ years ago to address the problem of deadbeat dads. As a result the family court system became generally biased against men. While that law catches up and eliminates its bias telling men to be careful is an acknowledgement of the disparity in the law, not an accusation against all women.

 

Edit: Actually I suppose acknowledges the disparity in application of the law, not necessarily the law itself.

 

I said earlier in this thread that I think the instances of "bad behavior" are generally pretty evenly split between men and woman. It's not that more women are "bad" then men are bad, but that if you marry a woman who is "bad" she can use that bias in the court system to really really really hurt you. That's not to say a man couldn't use the courts in a similar way, but it's harder for him to do that because of the bias.

 

As an anecdote: I have a friend who's wife left him. She met another guy and just abandoned him and their two children. She was so infatuated with her new man that she completely abdicated responsibility for her children. She made no effort to be a part of the kids' lives for nearly six months. Until she thought about filing for divorce, and then all of the sudden she wanted to come pretend to be super-mom. And she very nearly got primary custody. As it stands I think they have something close to 50/50 custody. Think about that. She abandoned her children without a care in the world for them and she very nearly got primary custody of them because she's a woman.

 

But that just means this one woman behaved extremely selfishly. The point isn't to draw the conclusion that women are bad, but acknowledge the tragic costs of that bias in the family court system.

[Blue Spiral]

Women still don't make equal money to men for the same work: /

 

I wouldn't be so sure about that one...

 

 

[Blue Spiral]

I absolutely believe in equality between the sexes, btw. But, just as women can stand up for women's rights without it taking anything away from men, I believe that men can stand up for men's rights without it taking anything away from women.

[Fudgie]

I absolutely believe in equality between the sexes, btw. But, just as women can stand up for women's rights without it taking anything away from men, I believe that men can stand up for men's rights without it taking anything away from women.

 

Yes, that's true.

 

I think both sides need to be presented and there is nothing wrong with discussing the possible pitfalls of marriage. If that "scares" anyone, well, then they weren't cut out for marriage in the first place.

That said, there are benefits to marriage, if you are looking for longterm companionship and emotional support and all of that.

 

I've met a lot of people who both wanted to get married and didn't. I'm 26 and I am very ambivalent, leaning on the side of "no". Marriage scares me. Yes, my parents are still together but it still scares me. Too bad variables.

[PH Suite]

Yes, that's true.

 

I think both sides need to be presented and there is nothing wrong with discussing the possible pitfalls of marriage. If that "scares" anyone, well, then they weren't cut out for marriage in the first place.

That said, there are benefits to marriage, if you are looking for longterm companionship and emotional support and all of that.

 

Did you mean "emotional turmoil"? It can't be said enough, most of the marriages that are still intact are ... well I wouldn't characterize them as being about "companionship and emotional support". That's the dream, but seldom the reality.

[Fudgie]

Did you mean "emotional turmoil"? It can't be said enough, most of the marriages that are still intact are ... well I wouldn't characterize them as being about "companionship and emotional support". That's the dream, but seldom the reality.

 

I've known several long-married couples and while marriage for them isn't the romantic thing that the movies portray it as (it's not, really), both were clearly emotionally invested in each other and enjoyed each other's company but they also let each other be their own person, have their own hobbies/friends, etc. My grandparents were together for 70 years and they both enjoyed each others' companionship, but also had their own friends and hobbies. They didn't spend 24/7 tied to the hip but when they did come together, they genuinely liked being around each other. It wasn't a chore for them.

My parents are like that now too. They are a lot better now than when us kids were home and they both were stuck at home. Now they are a little older and my dad can hunt and my mom has horses and as a result, they are happier together. Funny how that works.

 

I don't believe marriage is a very romantic notion in the end, tbh.

 

I can say, for me speaking in a general sense, that companionship is the basis for my relationships. I like to spend time with that person. I also like to be my own person and have friends and hobbies, in addition to sharing some friends/hobbies with my SO. So that is how I approach relationships. I am not sure about marriage personally but if I were to do it, it would be with the same basis.

 

I definitely don't believe marriage is for everyone, just like I don't believe LTRs are for everyone. That is fine. Do you believe that it is impossible to find someone that you genuinely enjoy being around often? Sometimes this is impossible for some, I get it. I need companionship, but I also need my alone time. My first inclination after intimacy is to either roll over and sleep, or get up and go watch some TV and relax. As long as I have a partner that I can respect and see as an equal, and who, like me, enjoys companionship interspersed with personal time, then I'm good.

[Heartsonfire12]

It seems like a lot of men in my generation (gen y) are hesitant to settle down. Part of me wonders if it's because divorce has made such an impact on so many, or if men are just becoming more entitled, and less willing to settle down. It drives me crazy! I live in the northeastern US, and the majority of my friends agree with me. I'm hoping once we hit our 30s things will change, but lately I'm not convinced!

 

PS: No offense to the guys out there, this is just what I have noticed around me. I have a few guy friends that are married, but the number of players/serial daters is much larger!

[ottawa]

Heartsonfire12,

 

could you explain what you mean by:

 

or if men are just becoming more entitled, and less willing to settle down.

[Fudgie]

It's funny because I'm 26 and in the northeast too, and I've met lots of relationship minded men, both single and in relationships. I don't know if it's who I hang out with or attract. I know there are players out there but I seem to repel them and them me as well.