Gf is pissed-help a Guy Out

[Darkness167]

My long distance gf is so mad. A few female friends came over to my house and we got drunk. We played a dancing game on Xbox for hours and some of the songs were really sexy. She is normally cool with me having female friends but this time is different. I can’t get her to talk to me or even txt me back. Do you think she has a right to be angry?

 

Would you allow your significant other to hang out and drink/dance with female friends in his home if you didn't live near him? please share any thoughts you have. she is answering texts with either silence or two words. I have been with her for 3yrs and I’d hate to lose her over this- what are the chances that she will leave me?? We are in our mid 20’s

[Movingforward3]

You made a fatal mistake. Why are you long distance? How often do you see each other? How long has she been mad? Have you apologized? Have you made an attempt to make her feel special? Flowers, hand written lover letter, etc?

More background information, please.

[melancholic_too]

Having female friends isn't an issue for me. I believe in men and women being friends. BUT... spending time at the house, admittedly dancing seductively/sexy? Nope. Especially if long distance.

 

How long have you been dating?

[Doc Blaze]

First, how did she find out about all this

 

the sexy songs?

 

getting drunk?

 

did you tell her that these girls were coming to drink?

 

 

 

and why did you mention sexy songs? are you

trying to say you got drunk and started grinding

and dancing like that?

 

 

 

I need more info

[Seraphim]

People play Dance Party in their 20's?

 

Having friends is one thing dancing around drunk with girls is something else.

[CJ88]

There's a difference between having female friends, and having female friends come over for hours while you all are drunk with "sexy songs and dancing." I don't even really believe your fact statement is complete, here.

 

No offense, Darkness167, but honestly, I am suspicious you are doing this to her deliberately. Of course she has a right to be upset. If you weren't deliberate, then you were an idiot.

[DoF]

Would you allow your significant other to hang out and drink/dance with female friends in his home if you didn't live near him?

 

I thought you were 17, seriously.

 

Put her shoes on. If she invited 2 guys to her house and got drunk, played a dancing game with "really sexy songs". How would YOU feel?

 

You are engaging into behavior that will only lead to you getting into trouble and effecting your relationship. And the same goes for even being friends with females while in a relationship.

 

And you already know you would never EVER be their friend if you didn't find them attractive, come on now. Attraction is NO base for a friendship, quite the opposite. That is deceptive/shady behavior.

 

You can learn this today or you can learn it 10-20 years from now the hard way. Your choice:

- Engaging with opposite sex friendships while in a relationship is inappropriate and disrespectful toward your relationship.

- it's also YOUR responsibility to stay out of situations and environments that present ANY risk towards you or your relationship.

 

And no, long distance relationships don't work. The reason why you are engaging with these girls is because you are simply missing the most important aspect of a relationship, COMPANIONSHIP.

 

So you seek it from other people.....

 

Do her a favor and don't contact her again. Take time to heal/recover (few months)/no opposite sex contact.

 

Meanwhile, you might want to read up and learn about relationships in general. 5 love languages is a great start.

[Coldarmy13]

Have you both always been LD?

 

Either way, if you were fully into this relationship something should've gone off in your head saying not to do what you did. She has a right to be upset. How did she find out?

[Darkness167]

I'm at work so I'm sry if it takes a bit to answer questions. More details: I told her because i didn't think it was a big deal. We haven't always been ldr. I moved to get a new job that pays better. We were working on living together by the end of this year. Been together for 3 years. She's the one that said the songs were sexy. And i didn't dance-i was only watching my friends play. I had another guy friend who was playing there it wasn't just females. Apologized and had no idea what to do when she went ice cold on me. Thx for all the help everyone. Will she ever speak to me again?

[sargon]

Will she ever speak to me again?

 

Only one person may know the answer to that question, and even she may not know.

[1Love1]

I was in a LDR with a guy who did what you did. Only it wasn't a dancing game, it was just music and dancing. No difference really, given the act is just the same. Long story short, it's common sense that that is a no-no. It ended not too long after that because my view of him wasn't the same. Emotions are different from person to person though, so who knows what your gf's end game will be.

[HeartGoesOn]

Would you allow your significant other to hang out and drink/dance with female friends in his home if you didn't live near him? please share any thoughts you have.

 

It wouldn't be what I "allow" as I'm not his mother. However, I would hope he would have enough common sense to know that while he's in a relationship, having members of the opposite sex at his place is tacky and sends the wrong message.

 

She has every right to be upset over this.

[bulletproof]

she is answering texts with either silence or two words.

 

This is lame. She should talk to you about it, why it's upsetting to her, etc.

 

Personally, I wouldn't really care if my boyfriend had female friends over who drank and got silly playing xBox dance games. Adults are childish sometimes.

[sargon]

Sounds like she's doing the old passive-aggressive silent treatment.

[Darkness167]

Yeah it does sound like it. How do I get her to talk to me? Thx again guys for your help. i'm afraid to lose her.

[sargon]

Yeah it does sound like it. How do I get her to talk to me? Thx again guys for your help. i'm afraid to lose her.

 

The more you chase a loose dog, the more it runs away.

 

So pushing her to talk, constantly apologizing, begging.. just won't cut it.

 

It's easy for me to say it while sitting here knowing my girlfriend is waiting for me at home.. but my suggestion is to go dark. Let her come to you. When you stop chasing your dog and run away from it, where's that dog going to be?

 

Edited to add: At risk of going off topic, thanks for thanking my post and everyone elses, but do you realize you thanked a troll?

 

Might want to read those posts a bit more carefully..

[Darkness167]

damn didn't mean to click thx on the troll-my pc mouse its too sensitive. Back to the topic, I'll give it a try-what you suggested. Do nothing. And if that doesn't work, I'm not sure how to get her to stop being so angry. Believe me, I am giving each one of your words-all who helped-careful consideration.

[ParisPaulette]

Look, she's majorly afraid one of those girls you had over is competition. Take it from her viewpoint, she is long distance and doesn't know any of the people. In the absence of any information the mind and imagination can go wild and hers likely is.

 

I would say send her a massive bouquet of flowers or whatever you know she really, really likes with a card that says you are sorry, beyond sorry and afraid of losing her. And that you will happily introduce her to everyone to show her who they all are and ease any fears she might have. In fact you can do that now even, to show her there is no one who compares to her, not even close. And yes, if these girls are close enough to you to be coming to your house then I'm assuming you're Facebook friends with them and you can introduce everyone to her. Make her part of your life and that means you show her by way of introducing these girls to her, of making sure you aren't hiding anything, and she can see you aren't hiding anything.

 

The simple fact is she is jealous some other girl is spending time with you when she can't. Is it rational? No, not even close, but you are both apart and what is fine in person can look very threatening from afar. She doesn't want to lose you either, it's why she's reacting like that.

 

Time to pull out the stops and show her by action, not just "please talk to me" texts and calls, which aren't really going to fix anything. Send her something, a gesture of serious love, show her who these new friends are so she knows them and is included in your social circle. Prove to her you have nothing to hide.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you need to decide if what you did was unacceptable. It seems like she does and so it only makes sense to see if your values align. If so, I'd agree with Paris and sent her flowers/but stop badgering with texts.