Need help someone who will say the truth, having doubts about my boyfriend

[kikinna]

I'm with my boyfriend almost 3 years now. I know him for 8 years and thoes past 8 years we have been on and off.

He kept playing with me basically because he always git with me when him and he's girlfriend broke up and I took him back so many times but that's in the past these almost 3years have been great no trouble. We have a little baby boy he's nearly 2. So things are good were a family, bbut, I'm looking forward to my future he said he would never move but I would if u could give my son a better life. And he's been living with me and my family for the past 2 years. I didn't ask him for any money at all from him iv been paying all the bills and household stuff. Which was very hard on me, and he gets double of what I get a week, and iv been paying for eveything, isn't a man supposed to support he's family and help out? So I finally said it to him about it and he started giving me a bit a week, and it was good but then this week he didn't because he said he doesn't have it. Why do I always have to have it? Why can't I ever say I don't have the money? I have to have it because Im the one who needs to feed the family. Because of all of this iv been so distant from him he's job isn't serious and it can all change in a day time and he left with no work. hes going with the flow but I don't want to go with the flow I want a future and have goals, which he doesn't have. iv been so depressed and down all time, I don't kiss him, hug him, say I love you, have sex, I'm not interested anymore, so iv been talking and seeing this guy, who's so sweet and has plans for the future goals. Everything I want from my boyfriend. . He's so sweet it's unreal, I don't know weather I still have feelings for my boyfriend unfortunately I don't know. And I'm afraid to regret breaking up with him incase he is the one. But the other guy brings a weird side out of me, who thinks need to risk it and takes chances.

 

Help what should I do I'm confused so bad

[bulletproof]

You have a two-year-old. How do you have time for one terrible relationship, and one new relationship?

Get some kind of court-ordered payment from the baby's father and move on, alone, without the new guy or the ex. Put your child first.

[Clio]

Based on what you wrote, your boyfriend is definitely not the one. However, you have serious issues of your own. Cheating is not a healthy way to address problems. Going from one guy to the next like that doesn't sound healthy. You have a little baby boy who is depending on you to make healthy choices and provide him with a safe environment. It would probably be best to break up and spend some time on your own to clear your head, evaluate how you got to this point so as not to repeat the same mistakes in the future and focus on these goals you are talking about. Once your ex is really out of your system then you can think about dating. If you go from one relationship to the next you risk missing the lesson in all this mess.

[dias]

I concur with Clio

[ParisPaulette]

First off, honey ditch the concept of "the one." That's just designed to sell us all romance novels and Hollywood movies. There is no "one" who will fix your life, make you happy so that you never have to lift a finger, or be the only one you'll love. In fact, if you love any family and friends then right away you know "the one" concept is a lie. Otherwise love would be a finite thing and you could only love one person and no one else in the world, not your mother or father or kids or friends or other family--none of them would matter one jot. You wouldn't love anyone. You'd just wait alone and broken for that one individual who would never leave by your side and we'd all be hermits.

 

Look around you and you'll see how imperfect and what a load of crap that is. So bluntly speaking, no your BF is not "the one." Not even close. He sounds like a user and moocher to me, what on earth makes you think you even deserve someone like that???? Like if that's all life has to offer you then lordie woman you would just be better off wouldn't you?

 

So ditch that idea, it's crap. And it's allowing you all manner of excuses to stay in a relationship you should have dumped the first time you found out he was only getting with you whenever he and the other girl broke up. Seriously, pull the freaking plug, your relationship is a zombie and zombies stink and decay and consume you, not in a good way. Get rid of Mr. Mouldy there.

 

Now, on to sweet guy number two. All good and great you see something else is out there BUT you need time alone, single, free and clear of any man to learn to stand on your own two feet, experience the world, work out and get your own accomplisments and happiness that are not hinged around "I have to be there for some man" -- again lies and crap fed to us by Hollywood.

 

This is not to say a good relationship, one that is healthy and sane with two loving individuals is not a good thing, it is indeed a very good thing. But to get to there you have to be able to offer a sane, happy, emotionally healthy you. And you will not find it in a guy who is willing to poach another man's girl. If this prince were really a prince you'd already have told you to cool your jets and come look him up six months down the road when you are free, clear, over the other guy. And he's not, so yeah I'm thinking he's likely just seeing a vulnerable female and all for helping himself. Go with him and you will soon find you traded one bad deal for another possibly worse one.

 

First order of business, breakup with the boyfriend. Just tell him you're done and walk away. No arguments, no staying in touch, no agreeing to be friends. Done, boom, NC all the way.

 

Second tell Mr. Sweet Guy he can bloody well wait six months or more until you are healed and healthy and ready for something else. If he's really a good guy he'll agree and he'll wait or he'll tell you to check back in six months and see where each of you is at. If he just wants in your pants he'll argue and then you'll know here is another "not the one" and you bounce him out too.

 

Third you spend enough time by yourself, learning to live comfortably by yourself, to be proud of mastering the tough moments, the good moments, of tasting the sweet victory of accomplishing something, no matter how small or how great, that you and you alone did. For me that moment came when I got my pickup truck out of the mud all by myself. No man for miles, no one to help me, and I did it myself. I was sooooo bada$$ that day. I was coming off a bad breakup and guess what? I found out on that day I am an army of one and so are you.

 

And if you need help go see a counselor, join a support group, journal, do whatever you have to do to get yourself strong and to stop accepting crumbs. You deserve a banquet and there is some guy out there who will happily feast with you, but neither of these fellows is likely it. Definitely not the current BF for sure, he'd just fill his pockets and feed it to someone else. You don't want that.

[JustWishing]

Your boyfriend is not the one. I can tell you this much. If anything, he is using you.

[kikinna]

Thank you 😃

[kikinna]

Yea it's been hard doing it and I feel so guilty about it and I know I shouldn't be doing it it's wrong but I feel like it's a way out for me to relieve my stress, and he makes my problems go away, I don't want anything from him I'm not ready for a new relationship and won't be, but I don't know when to do it with Christmas and my babys birthday coming up I'd feel like I'm weaking everything but I don't know how long I can do all this.

Thank you for taking your time to help me. Really appreciate it

[overthemoon86]

Okay you need to stop right now. You are not happy in your current relationship - end it and get a court order for child support. Secondly, you should not be seeking solace in another man. You seem to validate yourself by your relationships. That is extremely unhealthy. You need to love and respect yourself first.

[Hermes]

Yes, Paulette!

 

And IMO this sentence should be blazoned up at the top of this website!!

 

".....ditch the concept of "the one." That's just designed to sell us all romance novels and Hollywood movies. There is no "one" who will fix your life, make you happy so that you never have to lift a finger, or be the only one you'll love. "

 

How do people actually fall for this stuff, I ask!!