Crappy friends or no friends?

[somechick99]

I'm new to my current city (one year ago I moved here) and have always been shy/not great at branching out. It took me this long just to find people who accepted me and I get along with. But there are major character flaws with each person to the point I'm sure most of you would advise not remaining friends. (Not saying I'm perfect but keep reading)

 

One of the friends is loyal as hell in personality and will stand up for me to anyone and have my back any day. However she drives drunk with friends in the car (she will take shots while driving, literally) and has a selective, aggressive personality. She is very fiesty and has zero problem yelling at anyone or causing a scene if not getting her way. In addition to driving drunk she will speed 100+ miles per hour. If me or anyone else expresses concern she will not really take it seriously and probably would get mad. It's only a matter of time before she either gets us all in a major accident or in legal trouble at this rate.

 

My other main acquaintance is the opposite. She would never do something that dumb and crazy, yet never has my back and constantly takes from me while giving nothing in return. It's to the point I feel used by her. She asks for favors constantly but acts annoyed or busy when I do it back to her.

 

I'm not trying to play victim, I understand this is within my control and I need to look out for myself. It's just been forever since having friends I could chill with whenever, and I'm getting over depression which having no friends could make pretty hard. I'd almost rather have crappy friends and have stuff to do than nothing at all.

 

How to make non crappy friends and handle the current ones? Even if I remove myself from the above situations I want to at least be on decent terms with these people as I work with them

[mhowe]

Neither are friends...they are colleagues.

 

Look outside of work.

 

Btw, first one will get you killed or maimed. I would never get in a car with her again.

[Seraphim]

Call the cops on the one. People are going to end up dead. She needs to be sitting in jail .

[dias]

Better alive than lonely .

[mfan]

Crappy friends are better than no friends because they will keep you in a "social" frame of mind which will make it easier for you to meet more (hopefully better) friends. At which point you'll probably want to hang out with your better friends going forward. Please please please do not get in that first one's car ever. Just tell her flat out I don't feel comfortable being in a car with you and I'll take the bus instead, thanks.

[alli]

I would maintain minimal social interaction with them. The one that takes but never gives.. do you enjoy spending time with her? No reason it has to be all or nothing. If you enjoy hanging out with her, just do it when you feel like it. Don't ask favors of her and don't do her favors.

 

The other one, ugh. I would never ever ride in a car with that girl again. It sounds like it's a group thing with her so there must be other acquaintances. I would drive myself & meet them or take a taxi/Uber. That is extremely dangerous that she would drive drunk & speed up to 100 miles per hour. It doesn't feel right to turn in a friend, but at 100 miles an hour she could kill herself, others in the car & even completely innocent people minding their own business. I would call the police on her when you see her get into the drivers seat after drinking. Just yesterday I saw a video posted online. These young guys (20 & 21) were speeding excessively after ingesting some sort of substances. It sounded like the passenger kept telling the driver to slow down (it was hard to understand) but he seemed to be saying it in a lighthearted way. The camera suddenly went blank when they crashed into a church wall, but the audio was still running. You can hear a woman trying to tell them that an ambulance was on the way, but they were both killed instantly. It was posted with the permission of the families of the boys to hopefully stop others from doing the same.

[somechick99]

Thank you for the response. I have considered calling the cops on her, but I'll probably at least try and talk to her about it first.

 

She's supposed to be the carpool person for tonight to work so I'm trying to figure out how to bring this up

[greta96]

#1 I'd steer clear of, only because she may kill you, or even if she doesn't, it's just a matter of time until she kills other innocent people and/or herself. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who would listen to reason, so talking to her will just make her angry with you and she will say you're a "miss goody two shoes" who needs to stop lecturing her. People like her think they are invincible, that nothing bad can happen to them. Unfortunately, most of the time nothing ends up happening to them indeed, because drunk drivers somehow usually get away with just a few scratches, but the tragedy is that they take innocent lives in the process and destroy otherwise happy families.

 

#2...well, I've had a few of these in my life, for the same reason - I didn't want to be lonely, and I figured it was better to have people to go out with than stay home and watch TV. It did backfire in the end, because those type of people can't be friends, they are all over you when they need you, but when you need them - poof! they go. And they spread gossip about you, jeopardize potentially good relationships you may develop in time, they can become plain dangerous.

I did end up dumping those friends, after my back couldn't take any more stabbing. How about you keep this option #2 around, but in the meantime you do your best to meet new friends on your own, join meet up groups, explore new avenues, so that if and when you manage to make a great new friend, you can dump her then?