MovieGuy18 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hey, I made this post in my other thread, but I thought creating a new thread to address this would be better. This is a continuation of my thread "My Ex contacted me?" So my Ex and I stopped talking for a while and I thought I would send her a message to ask if she wanted to do something with me. She said that if we are to do anything together than it would be as just friends and that if we are going to be "friends" I have to know that she is dating (stupid ). At that point, I got a little bit upset with her and let my feelings be known to her that we can't truly be friends because she isn't putting any effort into showing me that she still cares, loves, and wants to see me. I do as much as I can to still support her and show her how much I care and I get little to nothing in return. She only initiated contacted the one time as I said above. I told her that if she is dating this guy we can't really be friends because she is trying to move on and hide her feelings in like no time and that makes me feel like crap and like we mean't nothing. Considering she went on her first date with this guy after 3 weeks of being apart. She seemed upset that I was saying all of this and I was out with friends and felt like I had to stop talking to her, so I turned my phone off. She sent me a few messages after my phone was off saying that if I want to talk we should talk now and that she respects my decision if I can't be friends right now but she still really cares about me. The next day, I continued the conversation by letting her know that I will always want more and it will only hurt me to watch her move on and if we were to see each other, I don't want to hear a word about her rebound. I eventually told her that I can't do this anymore when I feel like she does nothing to show me that she cares about me and I stopped texting her. She told me that I made her feel like a villain and that I hated her, so I spoke to her a bit and said that I don't hate her or think she is a bad person, but that I don't like how she has gone about the break up and made me feel like nothing to her, even though she says otherwise. I still said we can never truly be friends because I love her too much and I want to be with her, but we can try to get together once and a while and talk once and a while because she knows I am here for her and have been here for her since we got together, but for some reason, she thinks me saying "as friends" will somehow change the fact that I don't want to be friends. I brought up her reaction when she found out that I was out with a female co-worker and said, "How will you feel when I start dating? You didn't react well when you found out about that. You seem to think I have to be okay with you moving on to someone else, but when I do it, you will feel the exact same as me. So, what happens to our friendship then? I don't want to be friends and then have you one day just say that we can't talk anymore." Way before we ever broke up, she told me that if we were to and if we could be friends, she would never let whoever she is with get in the way of our relationship. She wouldn't let them tell her to stop talking to me and seeing me, or let them talk badly of me. I'm torn about this honestly. I want her in my life so bad because I want her back, but I don't know if I should stay in her life or just leave and hope she changes her mind. The guy she is with is not good for her, he lives almost an hour away and he seems like he has a lot of emotional issues, as does my ex. Should I try to make a friendship work and hope that it drives this guy away (cause her and I talk quite a bit and we will try to see each other if I can agree to be friends, and I know that he will get upset by this, as any guy would), or stop contact with her and hope that she contacts me and perhaps one day get back together? Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I know that everyone says being friends with your ex can't work, and I don't disagree. I just want to know what people think the best option is for getting her back. I know she is attracted to me, misses me, thinks about me, but she says she doesn't want to get back together. I am feeling way better compared to when we first broke up but I still feel a connection to her and would rather be with her than someone new right now, if I can. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 You guys broke up and she is with someone else. You cannot be friends, nor fake friends. Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Of course, but this "relationship" she has is very new and honestly, likely hasn't gone very far at all. I know that they will not last. Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Of course, but this "relationship" she has is very new and honestly, likely hasn't gone very far at all. I know that they will not last. This guy texted her all of the time because they are old friends and he would pretty much treat her as a therapist to listen to how sad and depressed he is. I think she is aware that he always wanted her, as I even said this to her when we were still together. I feel like she is using him as a rebound to soften the blow of our break up and I also think she knows this, but I don't really know what else I can say or do to change her mind. Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Meh, not really like us at all. I didn't harass her and basically force her to talk to me by saying how depressed and sad i am Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Who forced her to break up with you? Link to comment
MovieGuy18 Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I never said anyone did, but I'm also not going to just sit by and watch her rebound her way through this. The guy isn't right for her at all, and I'm not saying that I'm perfect by any means, but her having emotional issues and him having the same issues isn't good for any relationship. I got your opinion. Don't try to be friends, I get it. So, you think I should just stop talking to her and not say anything at all? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Her romantic life ceased to be any of your business when she broke up with you. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 No reason to kick the guy when he is down. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Being friends with someone who is dating someone else would be hard on you. If she wasn't dating, I might say consider it. I think you are setting yourself up for pain. I would keep the lines of communication open if you wish, but live your life and don't be at her beck and call. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 Read this to yourself.. again. >>> "She said that if we are to do anything together than it would be as just friends and that if we are going to be "friends" I have to know that she is dating (stupid ). At that point, I got a little bit upset with her and let my feelings be known to her that we can't truly be friends because she isn't putting any effort into showing me that she still cares, loves, and wants to see me. I do as much as I can to still support her and show her how much I care and I get little to nothing in return. She only initiated contacted the one time as I said above. I told her that if she is dating this guy we can't really be friends because she is trying to move on and hide her feelings in like no time and that makes me feel like crap and like we mean't nothing." "I'm torn about this honestly. I want her in my life so bad because I want her back, but I don't know if I should stay in her life or just leave and hope she changes her mind. The guy she is with is not good for her, he lives almost an hour away and he seems like he has a lot of emotional issues, as does my ex. Should I try to make a friendship work and hope that it drives this guy away (cause her and I talk quite a bit and we will try to see each other if I can agree to be friends, and I know that he will get upset by this, as any guy would), or stop contact with her and hope that she contacts me and perhaps one day get back together?" - YOU need to back off and learn some Respect! Do NOT intervene in her life or relationships. If you can't handle what's going on in her Life/dating then you can't be her 'friend'. Simple. She is seeing someone else now.. and sorry it's not you, but you can't worm your way into her personal life. It doesn't matter where he lives.. what he's saying, doing etc. It is none of your business. I suggest you back off, totally. One can NOT be friends with an Ex until those 'feelings' are gone. So.. admit it... you can't be her friend at this time. And admit it to her. Respect her now and leave her be. Link to comment
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