lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Well messed up story here ... I gave birth to our daughter, ex fiancé then decided our relantionship didn't work out only to dump me and start a new relationship right after (no need to say he was messing around before he stopped the relationship, so he basically left me and his babygirl for another woman) I am in NC, he tried to contact me several times but I don't respond. Just adding he can visit his baby through my mother, so I am not denying him that !!! 2 days ago he put a letter in my mailbox blaming the whole break up on me... I am not responding. He doesn't exist. Today I find that a weird looking instagram page is trying to add me, the first thing I think is he made a fake account ... And yes, he is not even clever enough to not add people he know in real live as the people he is following to make it look more genuine ... He actually chose the nickname "singlemommy" lol ... What is his problem, why doesn't he just leave me alone ... He wanted to end the relantionship for another woman, I am leaving him alone, I don't want any contact and blocked him, but now he is trying to sy into my life ! I am fed up and I don't understand what his deal is. This is what he wanted, so why not leave me alone ? Any opinions on what is going on in his tiny mind ? Thank u X Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It is a waste of your time to even think about it. Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 It is a waste of your time to even think about it. Maybe, but I like to understand Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I would be more concerned how he justifies having a child with you and walking away, not why he wants to snoop into your life. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 you sure put a lot of effort into understanding a man you don't want in your life. raising a small child alone for most people is challenging, interesting, time and energy consuming and still certainly more rewarding than the above mentioned activity. and it puts things in perspective usually. also, self-assesment when observing the past relationship in the rearview mirror will give one more insight than fixation on an ex. he sees the child through your mother, not you. you claim to not want to engage with him. it would've made sense to block his number. unless you still had an interest in hearing from him- and you're wanting to extrapolate on that interest here. so. have you given it thought what it is about hearing from him that is worth the bother to you? Link to comment
JustWishing Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Not sure what exactly is going on in his mind as of only he would know. My guess would be that he is upset that you are ignoring him and he does anything and everything to get your attention. With him being ignored he is not in control of the situation anymore, so all he is doing is trying to regain control. Don't give it to him. Stay in NC. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I think he likes to pursue. If you were to give in to him and be with him again, he would pursue yet another girl. He seems lightyears from being mature. Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I would be more concerned how he justifies having a child with you and walking away, not why he wants to snoop into your life. That's why this is going to be solved in court and I took a lawyer, I don't want him trying to snoop to try and find things against me. Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I think he likes to pursue. If you were to give in to him and be with him again, he would pursue yet another girl. He seems lightyears from being mature. He is seeing another girl, so don't think that is it ... He is VERY immature for being 46 yo ! Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 He's 46....holy crap. I thought he was your age, and at that he is well behind the curve. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 That's why this is going to be solved in court and I took a lawyer, I don't want him trying to snoop to try and find things against me. Delete all social media. Not deactivate, delete. If this is your concern, your lawyer would advise you to do the same, 99% sure of that. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 It's about control and loss of control more than anything else. Plus he's probably hoping he can keep you on standby and have two women for the price of one. What a jerk. Block, delete, treat him like a telemarketer you don't want to talk to. Chronic cheaters like to play games like this, it's what they do best and their egos depend on having multiple people after them. They don't like when someone just says okay, and walks away. It sounds like you dodged a major bullet there. Link to comment
DoF Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 IIRC there is a child involved. If that's correct I still advice against going no contact BUT keep contact to Child Only. It's going to be harder healing and recovering but you will need to be that much stronger! Again, ignore your own feelings and create a healthy environment for you 2 to be parents. No emotion, no remorse, it's time to be an adult and mature FOR your child. He needs you BOTH. It's not going to be easy, but nothing is. Like I told you before. DO NOT do this whole "take the kid away cause you cheated" or "door is always open even though I will go insane if you show up". Meet up with him, and tell him that it's important that he is part of your child's life on REGULAR basis. Tell him to contact you and schedule time any time he wants. Show him that you are mature enough to get pass this and be an adult FOR YOUR CHILD. I think I told you in the other thread, I've seen PLENTY of men neglect their child due to even a remote possibility of mother going insane on them when they meet. I'm not saying men are right, not at all, father should do ANYTHING to visit/be part of their kids life. I'm just telling you they give up easy..... After you do that, just watch his actions and see what effort he makes. THAT will tell you the entire story.....and in time, your child as well. Good luck Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 He's 46....holy crap. I thought he was your age, and at that he is well behind the curve. I know ... It's horrible. He basically got into a relationship with an older woman (in her 40's) when he was 29, they stayed together for 15 years, and now he is starting to live, something he must have done years ago ... Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 I am sure you are trying to help, but I am not sure if I understand your logic ... How is it he needs us both ? He dumped me, and that's it. Over and out. The child is also his, and like I said before I am NOT going to deny him seeing her, but he needs to find time, it's been 2 weeks since he asked to come and see her. And no I am sure he is not scared I would go all crazy on him, he actually is trying to contact me, even wrote a letter, but I don't want to talk to his cheating ***, maybe one day I will be able, but not yet. My lawyer told me it is not neccesary, he can see his child, is all that counts ... He can't claim me in any way. I am not ready to talk to him, and I think most people could understand why. I am not going to stick around and give him the best of both worlds while he is dating some other bird he was def seeing during my pregnancy. He did what he did ... But I have the right to handle this my way, and I am not denying him anything. Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Delete all social media. Not deactivate, delete. If this is your concern, your lawyer would advise you to do the same, 99% sure of that. I actually only post picture of my baby and sometimes of me ... Maybe he wants to see his baby, but he should have thought of that before dumping me, right .. He even had the nerve to ask me why I deleted him when I first did 3 weeks ago, telling me how he couldn't see the baby's pictures anymore and all that ... Well it was his choice ! Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 OP. this is what you are asking in this thread: Any opinions on what is going on in his tiny mind ? this what you have previously asked about his tiny mind: Will he realize what he has done once the grass becomes less green ? Leaving me and his newborn baby for another woman that he barely knows ... !!! I hope he realizes what he did and comes back so I can kick him to the curve. I just want to know how serious this new relationship is and if he will regret his actions. apparently you prefer to not hear questions that imply you'd need to reassess your own motives for perusing so much on the meaning behind his behavior... but since it is clear the meaning behind it has nothing to do with him having come to a sudden appreciation of you- do you mind explaining why you find the contents of his puny mind worthy of investigation? "i'd like to understand". he is an a$$, what exactly are you looking to "understand"? i think you are rationalizing with yourself that there is a "loving" aspect to a man acting like a scum. and that has already led you to take him back after he dumped you for another in the past. the position from which you observe his treatment of you (now through words and social media), and your intense interest in it is precarious. your lawyer handles anything worth handling. your own interest/involvement is purely emotional, and not in a helpful way. Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 Can you blame me for wondering ? This is whay there are forums ... To seek opinions. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 No, not for wondering. i am saying you may have an underlying motive, and that nurturing it may render your efforts to put this s*um waaay away from the both of you -who deserve much better- wasted. the man dumped you twice hun. the second time he dumped you when you delievered his own child. you could cut his scull open and investigate every neuron and conclude that yep, he is an a$$. it's not just that he's a waste of your thoughts. it's that when you enterntain these "what's behind it" thoughts that you start to believe there is something there that makes him worthy to engage with. it's not the slippery slope you want to be on again. is there a housephone he could call to arrange visits with the child so that you could block his cell number (since i understand he is still texting also?) ? Link to comment
lajavanaise Posted October 13, 2015 Author Share Posted October 13, 2015 No, not for wondering. i am saying you may have an underlying motive, and that nurturing it may render your efforts to put this s*um waaay away from the both of you -who deserve much better- wasted. the man dumped you twice hun. the second time he dumped you when you delievered his own child. you could cut his scull open and investigate every neuron and conclude that yep, he is an a$$. it's not just that he's a waste of your thoughts. it's that when you enterntain these "what's behind it" thoughts that you start to believe there is something there that makes him worthy to engage with. it's not the slippery slope you want to be on again. is there a housephone he could call to arrange visits with the child so that you could block his cell number (since i understand he is still texting also?) ? No housephone, he can contact my mom through her cellphone or FB even. He knows he can stop by if he gives us an hour and day, but it's been 2 weeks. And today I found out his new bird is on a datingsite and still active ... What a joke, seems like he found the right one after all ! Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.