joehardware Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I'm looking for opinions on this, and I'll try to summarize this as best as possible. I've been with girlfriend for almost a year We've recently moved in together (I've sold my old house) We're both in our 30's, and have great careers. Both very emotionally and financially stable. Great families Here's my situation though. I've been shopping for an engagement ring for the past few months (no question that she's the one), and had planned on proposing during our 1 year anniversary date. Just yesterday, we found out she is 2 weeks pregnant. We had just started trying for a child, but expected it to take 4-12 months for it to happen. As you could guess, I wanted to propose before getting her pregnant! Getting pregnant, engaged, married all in short order seems like a lot, so now I'm wondering if I should wait until we've had the baby to propose. I don't want my proposal to be perceived as something I did in response to her getting pregnant. See my situation here? Ladies, what are your thoughts there? Do I just go ahead and do it as planned? Men, your thoughts? Link to comment
WithLove Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Why can't you propose now but have a long engagement? After all the joy of being proposed to fades a little - you could mention in passing that you've had the ring for months and are glad to finally see it on her finger. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Ask her. Tell her you have been looking at rings, and while planning a wedding would be stressful --- would she like to get married before or after the baby? Your futures are now tied. The engagement is kinda moot. Link to comment
DoF Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I've been with girlfriend for almost a year Just based on this alone you shoudl not propose. Look into Honeymoon Phase of relationship. Study it and know it. It takes 2 years before the sparks of the new relationship die down, what you are left with after those 2 years is reality. Get to that point, give it some more time (wait to 2.5-3 year mark) before you make any big life decisions/commitments. We've recently moved in together (I've sold my old house) We're both in our 30's, and have great careers. Both very emotionally and financially stable. Great families This is all good. Best way to get to know each other is to live together. Here's my situation though. I've been shopping for an engagement ring for the past few months (no question that she's the one), and had planned on proposing during our 1 year anniversary date. Just yesterday, we found out she is 2 weeks pregnant. We had just started trying for a child, but expected it to take 4-12 months for it to happen. As you could guess, I wanted to propose before getting her pregnant! Getting pregnant, engaged, married all in short order seems like a lot, so now I'm wondering if I should wait until we've had the baby to propose. I don't want my proposal to be perceived as something I did in response to her getting pregnant. See my situation here? Ladies, what are your thoughts there? Do I just go ahead and do it as planned? Men, your thoughts? Even with above, I would still wait until honeymoon phase is over. Time is your friend Link to comment
joehardware Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Ask her. Tell her you have been looking at rings, and while planning a wedding would be stressful --- would she like to get married before or after the baby? Your futures are now tied. The engagement is kinda moot. I feel no pressure to get married before the child is born, so guessing a long engagement might be the best thing here? Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 She may want to be married before giving birth. Or not. No one knows but her. Link to comment
WithLove Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I really think she'll be thrilled to be proposed to, and then you can tell her "I've had this ring for months and I'm so happy to finally see it on your finger where it belongs". Romantic and yet tells her you were wanting to propose before you found out about her pregnancy. Link to comment
joehardware Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Just based on this alone you shoudl not propose. Look into Honeymoon Phase of relationship. Study it and know it. It takes 2 years before the sparks of the new relationship die down, what you are left with after those 2 years is reality. Get to that point, give it some more time (wait to 2.5-3 year mark) before you make any big life decisions/commitments. This is all good. Best way to get to know each other is to live together. Even with above, I would still wait until honeymoon phase is over. Time is your friend Good thoughts and opinions here, much appreciated. I should have mentioned that we've practically been living together for the past 8 months, but it's now just "official". Previous to this, I had been in a few long term relationships. One of them lasting 7 years, and I never thought she was the one. She was also previously engaged. I thought my current GF was the "one" after our 2nd date. I feel as though we're long past the honeymoon phase. Definitely in no rush to get married, I think that can wait another few years. The proposal is what's important to me right now, want to make sure i'm doing this at the right time (don't want the pregnancy to overshadow this, or vice versa) Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Well, you could also hold off and make sure she makes it through the first trimester. And if she does, give her the ring/propose then and say I wanted you to know that BABY wasn't the reason. God forbid she miscarries and thinks you only proposed because she was pregnant and then isn't. Link to comment
DoF Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Good thoughts and opinions here, much appreciated. I should have mentioned that we've practically been living together for the past 8 months, but it's now just "official". Previous to this, I had been in a few long term relationships. One of them lasting 7 years, and I never thought she was the one. She was also previously engaged. I thought my current GF was the "one" after our 2nd date. I feel as though we're long past the honeymoon phase. Definitely in no rush to get married, I think that can wait another few years. The proposal is what's important to me right now, want to make sure i'm doing this at the right time (don't want the pregnancy to overshadow this, or vice versa) One of the reasons why I asked you to research honeymoon phase is because DURING this phase is when both parties minds are clouded and we are not thinking clearly. For example, after 2nd date I knew she was the one is a great example of not thinking clearly. I don't see a big deal about proposing but def wait until 3 year mark before you take the final step and invest more time to see how things progress. I think you are on the right track. Link to comment
missmarple Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I believe in 'don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today'...so, I say just do it Link to comment
joehardware Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Well, you could also hold off and make sure she makes it through the first trimester. And if she does, give her the ring/propose then and say I wanted you to know that BABY wasn't the reason. God forbid she miscarries and thinks you only proposed because she was pregnant and then isn't. Exactly my thoughts, she needs to know it wasn't the reason. Link to comment
j.man Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Personally, I'd wait until she's a few months pregnant. The only reason I'd suggest getting married so soon is the potential kid (moreso for legal reasons than old-fashionedness). Otherwise, I'd stick it out at least another year and see how well you two cohabit. Ultimately, it's up to you two. Obviously, it'd be much too early for me, but if you two were already in "let's get knocked up" mode, you probably have a good idea of how fast you wanna take this. Link to comment
joehardware Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 One of the reasons why I asked you to research honeymoon phase is because DURING this phase is when both parties minds are clouded and we are not thinking clearly. For example, after 2nd date I knew she was the one is a great example of not thinking clearly. I don't see a big deal about proposing but def wait until 3 year mark before you take the final step and invest more time to see how things progress. I think you are on the right track. Well said sir, well said Thanks for the advice Link to comment
Clinton Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 You love her or not? If you do propose. A year is enough time to make up your mind. The whole waiting till after the honeymoon period, spark dying, etc.is psycho babble. People throw out all sorts of relationship milestones. Two years, three, seven and on it goes. It's meaningless. You either feel it or you don't. Reality intrudes on every relationship. Life comes with no garuntees. You've commited enough to try and have a child. That's way bigger than a ring on a finger. You love her, get engaged and marry her. Link to comment
Angiro Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I would propose. And after that explain to her that you wanted to do this before she got pregnant, that her pregnancy is not the reason . She will understand and be happy for sure. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Propose! She will feel all her blessings have come at once. 1. You 2. You and her moving into together 3. Having a baby that is yours and hers 4. A proposal will make her feel so loved and secure and just the luckiest girl on the planet. Don't delay, do it today! Link to comment
1Love1 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I think if you two really are ready, then she won't question the timing. She should KNOW what your intentions are already - baby or no baby. If there's any doubt in her mind that the baby has anything to do with it, then your foundation could stand to be a little more solid Link to comment
faraday Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I really think she'll be thrilled to be proposed to, and then you can tell her "I've had this ring for months and I'm so happy to finally see it on your finger where it belongs". Romantic and yet tells her you were wanting to propose before you found out about her pregnancy. This^ My daughters father proposed BECAUSE I was pregnant. I said "yes" hesitantly, but never planned a wedding...because I knew he didn't really want this- it was more pressure from his family. Tell her without a doubt she's your "the one" and that you've been waiting for your anniversary to propose. Congratulations what an exciting time Link to comment
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