Caught Girlfriend Setting Up Dates With Others On An App. Help?

[HeartGoesOn]

I love her though, what the hell am I supposed to do?/

 

You can either continue being stomped on, or you can stand up and respect yourself. It's your call...

[Unreasonable]

I'm not really a fan of entrapment, but it's too late for that now. Obviously breaking it off with her is the right choice.

[journeynow]

She was going to see a college guy who looked like a model to go to a movie and a very expensive restaurant behind my back. After the "fake guy" told her that her picture was "more his speed" and that she was "gorgeous" and said "it's a date".

 

If it was a friendship thing, I want to hear it. My judgment is funky right now. If I'm blowing things out of proportion, please god inform me ASAP so I can get this right.

 

Yeah, but "you" said " It'll be totally harmless" and she made it clear she had a boyfriend. The date wasn't set in time and it started with sitting in the lunchroom at school and you coaching her in math. But, yeah, she has poor boundaries, the fake guy was scuzzy. Hard to tell if your answer about college guy was about this fake date or her cheating in the past. I'm trying to understand what her past cheating entailed, was it sexual, was it talking, was it emotional? It'll give a better picture, a clearer understanding if you could answer that. Thanks.

[122333nic]

Yeah, but "you" said " It'll be totally harmless" and she made it clear she had a boyfriend. The date wasn't set in time and it started with sitting in the lunchroom at school and you coaching her in math. But, yeah, she has poor boundaries, the fake guy was scuzzy. Hard to tell if your answer about college guy was about this fake date or her cheating in the past. I'm trying to understand what her past cheating entailed, was it sexual, was it talking, was it emotional? It'll give a better picture, a clearer understanding if you could answer that. Thanks.

 

She sexually cheated on her ex boyfriend and sexually cheated on me. Both once.

 

My concern is the fake date. People are focusing a lot on the past cheating.

[journeynow]

She sexually cheated on her ex boyfriend and sexually cheated on me. Both once.

 

My concern is the fake date. People are focusing a lot on the past cheating.

 

OK, thanks. That would be enough for me to end it, back when I first found out (if I were in your shoes). Why did you call it " extended history of cheating on me" though? Extended and once are different concepts.

[journeynow]

She sexually cheated on her ex boyfriend and sexually cheated on me. Both once.

 

My concern is the fake date. People are focusing a lot on the past cheating.

 

The cheating is a fact, the date hadn't been confirmed yet, was "fake guy's" idea so far, not hers.

[122333nic]

OK, thanks. That would be enough for me to end it, back when I first found out (if I were in your shoes). Why did you call it " extended history of cheating on me" though? Extended and once are different concepts.

 

Extended because she's cheated on both of the only two "serious" partners she's ever had.

[journeynow]

You were right to end it.

[boltnrun]

It doesn't matter who did what or who was right or wrong.

 

This is a very unhealthy relationship if one partner feels the need to create a fake persona to try to entrap the other partner. And the other partner responds by self-harming, destroying their own personal property and sending 200 messages.

 

Stay away from each other. You two are a bad combo.

[greta96]

Got some heat recently for "baiting" her. Was I out of line in this regard? Should I have refrained from going through with such an activity? Aaaaaand...she maintains that she was "looking for friends". I'm adamant that this is not the case. Looking for feedback.

 

Up until not long ago I would have given you heat too for "baiting her". However once I started reading and witnessing more dating cr*p than I ever thought I would in my lifetime, I have completely changed my tune. With the overwhelming popularity of online dating and especially hook-up apps, one would be nuts not to do whatever it takes to make sure they don't get played for fools.

So, it's good you went ahead and confirmed for yourself, it's not like she would have told you the honest truth. No heat from me!

[LC8328]

I agree that she made it a point to mention you several times to this fictional guy, so that's a good thing.

 

Honestly, having been there before, if all her interactions are like this, I don't think she's cheating exactly - I think she's just not mature and/or committed enough to place proper boundaries. So, it's a gray area, depending on what you have both decided is acceptable, etc. (Giving her number out right away doesn't exactly give her brownie points either but...I digress.)

 

HOWEVER...after reading her reaction to your breaking up with her...holy cannoli. She is actually proving to you just how unstable she is. If she was having a psycho attack on her own, without anyone knowing, that's her problem. But if she's doing all these crazy things and you know about it, seems to me she's emotionally blackmailing you to come back. So if you were unsure before if you should be with her or not, this last episode should shove you squarely to the 'NOT' side. Why would you want to be with someone who can't discuss things maturely and is willing to harm someone (herself) just to get what she wants, which is you?

[journeynow]

Up until not long ago I would have given you heat too for "baiting her". However once I started reading and witnessing more dating cr*p than I ever thought I would in my lifetime, I have completely changed my tune. With the overwhelming popularity of online dating and especially hook-up apps, one would be nuts not to do whatever it takes to make sure they don't get played for fools.

So, it's good you went ahead and confirmed for yourself, it's not like she would have told you the honest truth. No heat from me!

 

I understand what you are saying, but it seems to me once you get to the point of creating the fake account and baiting your partner the relationship is essentially over. It could be ended then without the additional drama. I guess we like "proof", but it comes up often enough on eNA that maybe trusting our gut instincts is worthwhile.

[itsallgrand]

She just sounds extremely immature...even for her age.

 

Only have to worry about your side. Next girl/woman you date, if there is drama to the extent you saw with this one that has you feeling you need to set up fake profiles and set the girl up, just take that as the sign to walk away.

 

When you feel good and trust someone, there isn't all this. This is dysfunctional stuff.

[toby17]

she has an extended history of cheating on me as well as her ex.

 

That's says it all quite frankly.

 

She sexually cheated on her ex boyfriend and sexually cheated on me. Both once.

 

So not extended or extensive then? You're a bit of an exaggerator.

 

TLDR: Caught my gf trying to set up a date on a college app, broke up, want to know if my actions were justifiable.

 

Why would you even ask this? Do you feel guilty? Do you think you did the wrong thing?

 

What do you need convincing about? Was catching her in the act not enough?

 

I would worry about your self esteem and why you stayed with this girl in the first place if I were you. Now, move on!

 

She's messaged me about 200 times, sent me pictures of her cutting herself up, deleted the app and smashed her phone with a hammer, she's really going off the deep end asking for a second chance here.

 

Gawd, why would you want to get mixed up with her again?

[ForestofDreams]

I read the whole thing. She was going to cheat on you. You need to leave her now before she does for real.