hidden_kitten Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 My ex was a big texter, he would always moan when I didn't shoot him a quick text during our breaks at work. Just about silly things, like how slow our mornings were going, sweet nothings, stuff like that. Now to go to complete silence is heart breaking. Hopefully when I start work again next week it won't be so bad because I won't have time to keep checking my phone. Its tough though hearing from nobody. My only friend living near my town does not have good reception and works odd shifts anyway so it takes a few days to actually organise anything. Don't know how to get used to this Link to comment
ajhurst210 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I hear ya... me and my ex had the same work schedules. Both had office jobs where we were able to talk to each other all day long. I didn't talk to anyone as much as I did her. To go from having someone to tell about your day to nothing at all. It really sucks. It's not enough that my home life is lonely now but work has become so lonely aswell. So I can't even use work as a refuge from the sadness. Only advice I can give us just to try and pour as much of your attention and effort into your work. In the end, at least you'll be able to say you're doing a better job. Link to comment
captcha45 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I know the feeling. You can try to replace texting with other things...or try online dating apps. You never feel lonely with those. Always people to ask about you and how your day is going. It makes the transition easier. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 This may seem like a bad idea but once I felt like you did with an ex so I stopped bringing my cell phone to work with me. It felt weird at first but after a while I felt a lot better. I know having a cell phone is a safety thing now, but sometimes I go without it. Getting a new cell phone and a new number can help too, somehow. It's like getting rid of the old memories and replacing them with something new. Link to comment
snoopygal Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I cant offer advice, but am dealing with it and can sympathize. know exactly what you mean. It is so lonely, and I've found myself picking my phone up and for a moment almost being suprised....I know weird. Someone suggested dating apps, I tried that but no one wanted to talk, it seems like I only attract sexters haha, so for me that didn't help at all, just made it a little worse. Link to comment
shoes wornthin Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I can relate and it's really tough, going from having someone you shared tender moments with (looking forward to getting those texts) and then having no one, and no sweet texts to help you get through your day. It is a sad sad feeling looking at the phone on your break and no one has reached out to you. Just know that you are worthy of that feeling again, and it will come in time. Link to comment
relevart Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Five months after my wife left, there are still times something will happen or I'll hear about something and will instinctively reach for my phone to call or text her. Like others said, it sucks. I can't offer any advice on how to get past it, because I'm not past it myself. I think I can sympathize with you though. I feel like the only person on earth sometimes. No one to talk to about anything. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I am with you all on this as well .. I was talking to my ex and then bang ..one day he stopped emailing ..just like that ... oh I checked my email day after day after day ..I checked the deaths in his city for months , I was grieving the death of my mother and really could have done without that crap as well ... so although my split was a long time ago I remember it all but it doesn't hurt me anymore and wont all of you either one day . Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 here too. . Not accustomed to the silence. It feels like freefalling without a net. What? No one cares what I had for lunch?! No little `thinking of you' smiley faces. It's like losing and appendage. . You reach for it and it's gone. Adjust, readjust. It's possible. . It just takes time. I changed my ringtone. Unfortunately my coworker has the ringtone. ;/ Do you think I can ask him to change his? Or maybe change it when he leaves his desk? Pavlov's dog. .I have an immediate emotional reaction to the sound. I've done this drill before. . I know what it takes. Patience. Link to comment
relevart Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 The worst part is going back and looking at old texts or Facebook posts and wondering how the hell her feelings changed so quickly. Link to comment
j.man Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Man, you all are the exact opposite of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, but one of the biggest things I love about her is that we're not texting throughout the day or emailing constantly. When she or I are working, we stick to work. When either of us are out with friends, we're not waiting for the other to sneak a text in. I've been dumped and, yeah, it sucked. But I went from a girlfriend who was a real texter to enjoying unwinding during my lunches, it helped me appreciate the break up. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 The worst part is going back and looking at old texts or Facebook posts and wondering how the hell her feelings changed so quickly. no no no. . don't do that!! I can't say I've never done it and still won't. But what I do know is upon doing so I am fully responsible for any discomfort it causes. Be good to yourself and give yourself the gift of not looking!! Link to comment
snoopygal Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 no no no. . don't do that!! I can't say I've never done it and still won't. But what I do know is upon doing so I am fully responsible for any discomfort it causes. Be good to yourself and give yourself the gift of not looking!! I agree! I haven't looked. Other than the ones that occurred after the breakup to remind myself things are different now, and decide how to respond. I'm pretty sure I'd fall apart if I did! All of ours were good. I don't think I could find a bad one if I wanted to. Link to comment
snoopygal Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Man, you all are the exact opposite of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, but one of the biggest things I love about her is that we're not texting throughout the day or emailing constantly. When she or I are working, we stick to work. When either of us are out with friends, we're not waiting for the other to sneak a text in. I've been dumped and, yeah, it sucked. But I went from a girlfriend who was a real texter to enjoying unwinding during my lunches, it helped me appreciate the break up. We weren't all day texters by any means and didn't text each other much at all if one of us was out. I find myself wanting it more now than before we broke up. Link to comment
relevart Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 no no no. . don't do that!! I can't say I've never done it and still won't. But what I do know is upon doing so I am fully responsible for any discomfort it causes. Be good to yourself and give yourself the gift of not looking!! Oh, I know it's stupid of me and only brings pain... but it's so hard not to. Here's how bad it is. I have saved screen shots of a lot of it just in case she takes her page down. Again, I know how stupid that is of me. Link to comment
ajhurst210 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Oh, I know it's stupid of me and only brings pain... but it's so hard not to. Here's how bad it is. I have saved screen shots of a lot of it just in case she takes her page down. Again, I know how stupid that is of me. You're braver than me. I have an old iphone that I don't even want to turn on ever again because it has soooo many pictures and screenshots of our texts on it. Pretty sure she's the background image on it too. That phone will more than likely never be turned on again. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Oh, I know it's stupid of me and only brings pain... but it's so hard not to. Here's how bad it is. I have saved screen shots of a lot of it just in case she takes her page down. Again, I know how stupid that is of me. I'm reaching through and pulling your ears, relevart. You give such sound advise to others. .take some for yourself! Link to comment
hidden_kitten Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Man, you all are the exact opposite of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, but one of the biggest things I love about her is that we're not texting throughout the day or emailing constantly. Haha see before this relationship I was like that, but my ex was quite clingy so for three years that's what I got used to. Even looked forward to the phonecall at the end of the day just to check in with each other, but I don't really have any mates to do that with instead. Just the voices in my head for company! Link to comment
hidden_kitten Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 I have an old iphone that I don't even want to turn on ever again because it has soooo many pictures and screenshots of our texts on it. Pretty sure she's the background image on it too. That phone will more than likely never be turned on again. You might do, years from now, as a final 'letting go' exercise. But there's no rush to do it soon. Link to comment
relevart Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I'm reaching through and pulling your ears, relevart. You give such sound advise to others. .take some for yourself! That made me smile. But thanks for the second part. I do try to give good advice and sometimes wonder how I am doing. I also wonder what advice I would give myself if I could really make that disconnect. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 That made me smile. But thanks for the second part. I do try to give good advice and sometimes wonder how I am doing. I also wonder what advice I would give myself if I could really make that disconnect. From the outside being objective about someone else's actions comes easily, I suppose. Looking at ourselves is the challenge. Challenge yourself Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Rel you would kick yourself in the nuts and tell yourself to behave . I will take your crazy snap shotting and raise you with this ...I slept on my daughters floor for 3 months after my split talk about role reversal ..she said " mam you are going to have to start sleeping in your own room soon you know" hahaha Link to comment
chram Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Reading this thread brought back so many good memories... All the sweet "good morning" texts every single day, checking in to see how I'm doing... I guess there's still a lot of pent up emotions that I had to let out. It also made me feel that I'm really not alone. Thanks for sharing everyone! Link to comment
blanco Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Man, you all are the exact opposite of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, but one of the biggest things I love about her is that we're not texting throughout the day or emailing constantly. When she or I are working, we stick to work. When either of us are out with friends, we're not waiting for the other to sneak a text in. I've been dumped and, yeah, it sucked. But I went from a girlfriend who was a real texter to enjoying unwinding during my lunches, it helped me appreciate the break up. I liked to text the occasional thing to my now-ex during the day, but I'm with you; not really interested in an on-going dialogue via text during the work day unless it was something that couldn't wait. The behavior comes off as a bit co-dependent, especially if you're going to see the person later on, anyway. Where's the breathing room?! Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 for me I always started crying in grocery stores...it made it hard to shop. This is strange because my ex and I never did anything spectacular in a grocery store...or anything. I think it may have been more to do with shopping on my own...trying to get food to survive on my own...nobody to share it with anymore.. then all the families I saw in grocery stores, and the music they always played in there was kind of sad or had to do with love. It was a hard thing to get through but I did it You can too! Link to comment
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