How do I forgive my mom for taking my cat and not giving him back?

[ForestofDreams]

I know this may sound silly.

 

Well, my mom took my cat, and never gave him back. I'd like to mention I am a total cat person, but I've learned over the years that passion is a very rare thing whether you feel it for a person or your own pet! I've had lots of cats. I've only felt that intense "passion" people describe very rarely and far between. I like cats...love cats (like people, love people) but it is usually just a fair few you really feel really passionate about. My all time best buddy in my life was a tiny tabby named Remmy. I had him from when I was 5 until I was 24 years old when he suddenly became blind and very weak. He died. I cried over his death for years. I never thought any other cat could replace the hole in my heart, we had four other cats but it just wasn't the same. I still loved them and cared for them but the immense love I had for my little tabby cat with the white triangle pattern on his face could never be replaced. He was so in love with me as well. I rescued him when he was the runt of the litter and was found on the street nearly dead. I rescued him, he was my best friend. Now gone.

 

Years passed, and I came accross this ad on Kijiji when I was around 26. There was a mother outdoors cat who had kittens in the winter, who would have otherwise died, but a kind person took her in with the wee kits. I had looked for a new cat years previous but never fell in love, so to speak. I totally fell in love with one of the kittens this lady had, who I later called Tanooky.

 

Tanooky was the only cat who filled my heart in such a way as Remmy did when I was younger. I was simply in love with this little guy. I missed him terribly even if I was out for 30 minutes. I'd bake fresh salmon in the oven for him and we shared it together. He is a dark silver and black tabby with dark rimmed green eyes. He's just the definition of a Mr. Personality cat. He was tough on the outside but all squishy on the inside, he LOVED cuddles but was always toughing it out, always seeing how strong he was by trying to do everything better then his sister (who I also adopted) She was sweet too! I always thought about him and spoiled him. He was the light of my life at the time. I took care of him like my own child really. Anything new he discovered I was all over it. So in love over this little guy.

 

Something eventually came up. My landlord let me keep him but one day she said I couldn't renew my lease unless I didn't have a cat. She said it was a pet free building. I didn't agree with this at all. I was devistated. I automatically thought of my mom "what if she takes him until I find a pet friendly building?" She agreed and took him in. She said I could have him back whenever I wanted. I trusted her.

 

A few months passed and I found a nice new place where they allowed pets. I was sick of my old place anyway, so moving was a really positive thing for me. Summer came, and I visited. I brought Tanooky outside on a leash like I always did, and he copied everything I did. If I crouched, so did he, and every time he saw me he just melted. My mom said things like "Wow he never purrs...Tanooky, but when you're here he just doesn't stop!" He rubbed my legs with his face and nuzzled me and even drooled! He remembered me like crazy. I thought about him all the time even when I wasn't with him. I talked about him with all my friends (yeah I know...crazy cat lady, but I swear....it was only him and Remmy I ever felt this way). The perfect pet!

 

My mom was hesitant about giving him back...

 

More summers passed and every time I went to visit I said I was ready to take him back but she declined. She said she'd grown attached to him and she didn't want to give him back.

 

Well it's 4 years later ...she still never gave him back. Since the day he's left I've felt gutted. Even more so in the fact that I found out landlords can't even take your pets away even if it IS a pet free building. I've held a grudge over this for a while now...and how she never gave him back.

 

I feel like in my whole life I have only ever felt so passionate about 2 cats, Remmy...who died and then Tanooky, who was the first cat I ever adopted myself. I have 2 cats now...but it's just not the same. I always feel sad that she took Tanooky away from me, especially because I bought him after years of grieving over Remmy. He was the light in my life. The first cat to make me feel happy to come home to sort of thing.

 

I know this sounds silly...but what do you do? She never will give him back and we are on really bad terms at the moment. I feel like I'm too kind to even take him back....if she really wants him fine. But at the same time....Tanooky was everything to me. He was my support kitty, my friend, my best buddy. I have always suffered panic attacks and he made me feel okay again. Do I just forget? I've tried forgetting but I still wonder from time to time, what if I never gave him to my mom? I missed all these years with him and will probably not even see him until the day he dies. It makes me sad.

 

I know...it's just a cat...but any pet owner will probably know what this feels like. I do have 2 cats...and they are amazing! But Tanooky didn't she give him back? He just made my life so much more

[BentGattling]

Isn't changing environments stressful for a cat? Now that Tanooky has adjusted to your mom's home wouldn't it be unfair to him to move him again?

[winniethepooh]

Wow, that's a long post about cats.

 

I know this may sound silly.

Not to you I hope.

 

I'm old enough now that a few relatives, friends, and pets have died. I was most upset about the death of the cat our family had when I was growing up. It was a long time ago but no other deaths of people in my life saddened me as much.

 

She never will give him back and we are on really bad terms at the moment.

What does she say about why she won't give the cat back to you?

 

....if she really wants him fine.

Do you really mean that?

 

Is the cat happy where he is?

 

but I still wonder from time to time, what if I never gave him to my mom?

But you did, you can't rewind and undo that.

 

You can try and talk to to your mother to either get the cat back or be happy about him staying with your mother, or you could kidnap the cat, or you could do your best to accept the cat is happy where he is (if he is). I can't think of anything else you could do. Well, one more thing, get another cat, but I know that's not the same.

 

What about visiting a pet shelter and adopting an abandoned cat? Perhaps the fact it's abandoned will distract you enough to feel better about your cat staying with your mother.

[El0t]

Yikes... I think you should move past this and forgive your mom, but I completely understand why you're upset! Your mother not giving back your cat, after only a few months and your efforts to specifically find a place that would allow you to once again live with Tanooky is not okay. Knowing how much you love your cat though, you can probably empathize with your mom, as it sounds like she feels the same way.

[alli]

I can see why she would grow attached to him after 4 years. But you had a new place after only a few months; why didn't you take him back then? It's been so long it really is like her cat now. And where would he be if she declined to take him in in the first place when you were told you couldn't have pets? It would have been much easier to stand up and take him back after only a few months, versus a few years.

 

It sounds like your mom lives quite a distance away and you don't get to visit her very often? Maybe you could talk to her about how much you miss him and work out a schedule to have him "visit" you a couple months out of the year.

 

While you love him, the most important thing is that he is being properly cared for and that he is happy right? It sounds like he has that whether he lives with her or you.

 

I can understand how you feel about not feeling as close to some of your cats as others. I had a cat for 4 years that escaped out of a window. She is skittish & ran off. It's been 2 1/2 months and I still haven't seen her. I am fostering another cat now. She is sweet but it doesn't erase how much I miss my cat. I wish I could have her back but mostly I just want her to be ok.

[annie24]

IMHO, I'm sorry you had to give your cat up in the first place. But it sounds like mom loves him and provides him a good home, so at least you can see him when you visit mom. Maybe she is holding onto him too because then she knows you will come over?

 

I'd go check out the shelters and find a new cat who could use a loving home.

[catfeeder]

If you found a new place quickly, why didn't you reclaim him then?

[missmarple]

I would have taken the cat back no matter what my mum said. What would she do? Sue you for taking back your own pet?

[catfeeder]

I would have taken the cat back no matter what my mum said. What would she do? Sue you for taking back your own pet?

 

I could see having done that 4 years ago, but after leaving him there for years it makes no sense to cause problems about it now.

 

If the cat meant so much to you, you'd have reclaimed him as soon as you moved into your new place.

 

If she made noises about keeping him back then, I would have made a kind joke about her bond with the cat and thanked her for taking care of him, even as I put him in my carrier and took him to my new home. For whatever reason, you didn't do that while you had the perfect argument.

 

Holding your own weakness against your Mom now makes no sense.

[ForestofDreams]

The thing is I wouldn't have ever given her the cat if I knew this. I let him stay there so to speak so I could find a new place, and she said "you can take him back whenever you like". I did try to get him back the moment I moved into the new place, but she had already grown attached to him. I was trying to be nice I guess. I didn't push too much at first, but then as I became more and more serious about it she literally got angry with me. I felt like I was losing a best friend very slowly, and by the time I realized he wasn't coming back it was too late.

[catfeeder]

she said "you can take him back whenever you like". I did try to get him back the moment I moved into the new place, but she had already grown attached to him. I was trying to be nice I guess.

 

While I'm still not clear how long it took to find a place, there's nothing 'nice' about turning Mom into a villain, when you could have 'nicely' thanked her for watching the cat while putting him into a carrier and taking him with you when you left for your new home as quickly as you possibly could.

 

I was trying to be nice I guess. I didn't push too much at first, but then as I became more and more serious about it she literally got angry with me. I felt like I was losing a best friend very slowly, and by the time I realized he wasn't coming back it was too late.

 

The cat couldn't 'come back' without you taking him. You opted to leave him there beyond the agreed upon date of your move. Villainizing your Mom for your own choice is a waste of energy.

 

You now have a home for a cat that needs one. You can keep yourself mired in a focus on one animal, or you can expand your focus to another innocent creature who is in need of it. That's a decision.