Met an amazing guy but still healing from break up. Not sure what to do

[Redabc123]

Hi all

 

Just a little back story my ex broke up with me about a month ago. His excuse via text was that having a gf wasn't a priority, he was dealing with issues from prior marriage, he is working a lot now and didn't think I deserved not having time with him and he wanted to be on his own and take care of kids and not commit to a relationship. Said he wanted to stay friends. I began NC on the 28th after a text to start healing and get over it.

 

About 3 weeks ago I met this amazing guy, he is honestly everything I have been looking for. He wants be a in a relationship, get married, have kids. He is a gentleman, can hold great conversation, good looking, great job, sweet, caring etc. we have hung out twice on the second date he already said that he wanted to date me. And wasn't interested in dating others. We have talked everyday all day for 3 weeks. My problem is I don't know if I have completely healed from my last relationship. I think about it often even though this person was completely wrong for me. I find sometimes hard to focus on this new guy because random thoughts will run through my head and I would find myself missing him. We are not friends on social media and I have thrown out any reminders of him. We have also not spoken. I don't know why I think of him.

 

I'm worried that I may ruin things with this new guy. I like him but I am still healing. I honestly thought a month later I'd be over it. I don't know what to do. I did not expect to meet anyone this soon. Any advice would be a huge help. Thank you in advance

[missmarple]

How long had you been with your ex?

[IAmFCA]

I would slow things down with new guy. Respect your pace.

 

Don't say anything to new guy, but put your friends on your calendar too. If you need to strengthen that part of your life, go on some meet ups. Have some time to do activities that promote your growth, so there is a little less room on your calendar and so that you make yourself a priority.

[Redabc123]

How long had you been with your ex?

 

We were together for 5 months

[missmarple]

We were together for 5 months

 

Ok, that's not too long. Just take things slow with the new guy and see how you feel in a few weeks from now.

[Michael777]

It sounds as though you make have found a rare and precious jewel and indeed as you say a true gentleman.

I think you should develop things with this man because he may turn out to be the magic ingredient to make your life complete.

If you do not take this chance now you may regret it for the rest of your life.

[Clinton]

Five months isn't a relationship, it's a meet and greet.

 

Normally I'd say it's a rebound but after that little time together just go for it with the new guy.

[Redabc123]

Five months isn't a relationship, it's a meet and greet.

 

Normally I'd say it's a rebound but after that little time together just go for it with the new guy.

 

That is your opinion regarding the comment about it being a relationship. I felt that it was.

[Redabc123]

Ok, that's not too long. Just take things slow with the new guy and see how you feel in a few weeks from now.

 

Thank you...that's what I was thinking. Is it pretty normal to feel this way?

[Man with Dog]

Five months isn't a relationship, it's a meet and greet.

 

Normally I'd say it's a rebound but after that little time together just go for it with the new guy.

 

I disagree. A relationship can get pretty deep a lot quicker than 5 months.

 

I know a lot of people tell everyone to avoid relationships while in the healing stage but I think it's OK, as long as you don't start moving in after the first date. There's always the temptation to go for someone who is "everything the ex was not". Just tell him that you're very happy so far but it is early days and you're not ready to make any long-term commitments.

[Edmund Exley]

Let go of the past relationship. It may be blocking the one that's right.

[IAmFCA]

EE is right. It IS a conscious move to "let go". Do not let your past get in the way of your future.

 

And, respect your pace, no matter what. Anything you do that is unnatural to you contributes to a weak foundation that will make your relationship more difficult later. So go slow, respect yourself which will help rid yourself of old garbage, and embrace what is new.

[Redabc123]

EE is right. It IS a conscious move to "let go". Do not let your past get in the way of your future.

 

And, respect your pace, no matter what. Anything you do that is unnatural to you contributes to a weak foundation that will make your relationship more difficult later. So go slow, respect yourself which will help rid yourself of old garbage, and embrace what is new.

 

Thank you! Mentally I don't understand why I keep thinking of him. I'd hate to pass up somethingI have been waiting for, for years.

[Ms Darcy]

I had a gf like you. Was forever enthralled in some failed or failing relationship/dating situation. For years.

 

She couldn't let anything go ... she HAD to pursue every half decent guy until he left her. Even if she wasn't mentally ready to date in the first place.

 

She has this mentality of scarcity. If I don't try for this guy NOW then I may miss my shot at a good man.

 

Is love hard to find, yes. But I do think it's easier when you ARE the right person to find the right person. I waited as long as a year to date once to get over the past. You don't have to wait that long but I think you've had years and strings of relationships that have amounted to nothing. I'd advise you to really focus on yourself and healing.

 

FYI - my girlfriend is still single and in her early 40s.

[IAmFCA]

Thank you! Mentally I don't understand why I keep thinking of him. I'd hate to pass up somethingI have been waiting for, for years.

 

You don't know that yet about this new man, try to live in the moment. This moment is nice, but your own life is so valuable that you won't derail it or even veer off your path for someone so new. So take it slow, follow your pace, cleat the decks internally so that there is room. Let there be empty space before you fill your thoughts with someone new.