ForestofDreams Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 On another thread a few months ago I wrote about my relationship with my ex and how it was pretty confusing and depressing for the most part. I took everyone's advice when people posted he was being abusive (which I didn't notice at the time). I moved out with my son (who is 7 1/2 months old now) and have so far been doing alright. The weirdest part is I didn't grieve. After every break up I ever had I grieved (anywhere from years, to a few months, to even a day or so). After this one I didn't feel sad at all, I just felt relieved. I would have thought that I would have grieved over my great failure to find a suitable man...and raise a child with him, except I didn't, despite me now having a child, I feel happy that I do, rather then sad. I'm okay being a single mom, I'm okay leaving him. We do see each other from time to time so he can see his son (these arn't dates), and to be honest I am very close to his mother. She absolutely LOVES my son (her grandchild) and takes him for about a week every month. She is pretty much obsessed with him so I DO have to have a connection with my ex's family from now on, because I don't want to deprive my son of having a family. So far so good. So, recently I've been wanting to start dating again. I think I might just try it out, but is it too soon? I am sort of scared that I didn't grieve at all for my past relationship and am worried about it happening when I try dating again. It might. It might not. Is this a bad idea and is it too early? Or would it be healthy? I have no idea I don't feel like I am looking for a shoulder to cry on, or a rebound, I honestly just feel like finding someone I can enjoy my time with. Maybe I will date someone who has kids...who knows? I just don't know if now is too soon. Also, I am usually a real sucker when it comes to break ups...this is the first time I honestly didn't shed one tear. That concerns me. Maybe I did all my grieving when I was still with him, or maybe I've been through grieving before so my body built up a defense to it. Either way...it's an odd feeling for me. I wouldn't say I feel numb to what happened. I feel like I failed having a nice little family, but I'm not letting it get me down. For now, I just want to start over fresh, maybe just get out and enjoy dating once again, and see if anything clicks, or if there are any "sparks" I'm excited about it to be honest. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I definitely think its too soon. What's the rush? You have a a baby and the focus should be there, not dating. Why not give yourself about a year to get your stuff together. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 How long were you with your ex, and how long has it been since the breakup? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 If you actually have a week without your son every month then you might have the time to date but first make sure that that is a consistent situation because if it turns out that your son's grandmother stops taking him as often it's going to be very hard for you to date unless you can afford and want to use sitters. Emotionally -I think it's fine to go on dates if you want to. I barely had time to talk to my husband when my son was that age much less go on dates with him but I do know of moms who make that work. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I was with him 2.5 years and we've been broken up ..maybe 3 months lol. I just find I have a lot of time on my hands. I'm a stay at home mom, and my son is too young to really do things yet, so the days are long and I find myself getting bored a lot of the time. I thought some dating might perk me up. I also have a babysitter so it is doable. Maybe it's too soon, but the weather's been so nice (we have real short summer's here) and I feel like getting out would do me some good. Who knows though. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 If you feel like the time is right to date, then it probably is. Life is short. Enjoy it. chi Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I was with him 2.5 years and we've been broken up ..maybe 3 months lol. I just find I have a lot of time on my hands. I'm a stay at home mom, and my son is too young to really do things yet, so the days are long and I find myself getting bored a lot of the time. I thought some dating might perk me up. I also have a babysitter so it is doable. Maybe it's too soon, but the weather's been so nice (we have real short summer's here) and I feel like getting out would do me some good. Who knows though. Sure -if you have other caregivers for your son and have the time then certainly go for it. I'm sorry you find this stage boring! I found I did a lot of activities/things with my son at that age. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 I do things with him, like walk him outside, talk to him, and sing with him, and let him play with his toys. What I meant more like, is I don't really get to enjoy adult company that much. Everyday I do the same things with my son really, and sometimes I stay in for long periods of time taking care of him. I have been gaining weight too because I don't get to go out as much as I used to. I think dating would give me something to do. The baby stage is easy (it is now at least, at first it was hard because of lack of sleep) but now it's almost too easy, but after a few months it can get a bit tedious. The coolest new thing is he's eating food now He really likes sweet potato, and he's been using a spoon on his own too, so that makes me really happy to see. The only thing is he still does sleep a lot. Usually an hour of playtime leaves him rubbing his eyes. So then I come on here ...lol! I just wish I had other things I could do I guess. I sometimes talk with the babysitter for a bit or the home nurse that comes over but other then that I feel like life is passing me by. I feel guilty for forcing him to go in this stroller when he's tired, and I want to go out. So I thought having the babysitter by while I try dating again wouldn't be such a bad thing. I kind of miss dating. Plus there is this guy who has recently been talking to me, he works just down the street and he has kids himself (he has 2 that live with him). This is actually why I started thinking about dating in the first place. He seems nice, I wouldn't mind going out for coffee with him sometime. He asked me before but I said I couldn't...but maybe I can! We'll see. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 I have a bike carriage thing to take him out on bike rides with me, but I think he is too young to go in there yet. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I understand that you would like more adult company. It's interesting how experiences with babies can be so vastly different. I think it might work out fine to date the guy right down the block. Link to comment
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