Lap dance at his bachelor party.

[Iggles]

Lap Dance: 4-5 minutes of bouncing and bumping with a woman in a bikini while "Sweet Home Alabama" blasts out of a cheap PA system and various other males in the room hoot and holler. If the OP could see the actual dance and see how harmless and comical it was, she would have more peace of mind.

 

Did you read the OP's posts??

 

That does NOT match up with what she said about this particular establishment. See below:

 

I Googled the place and, according to the reviews I read online from other patrons of the club, it's a pretty skeezy joint - completely nude girls, full contact dances, VIP/private booths where Lord knows what goes on.

I think anytime touching or contact is involved, it's not okay. Want to just watch strippers - that's fine, it's really no different from watching porn. But having a naked girl in your lap rubbing her goodies all over you? Not okay in my book.

his best friend (who's bachelor party it was) then came to visit a following weekend shortly after and, drunk, proceeded to spill the beans about how nasty the place was - they pulled this guy up on stage, took off his shirt, rubbed their you-know-what's all over him, etc.

I've only ever been to one strip club, a long time ago, and it was a very classy Hustler Club - the lap dances there were more like "air above your lap" dances - they didn't touch the guys, and the guys didn't touch them. But apparently at this place, touching not only happens but is encouraged - the stripper will put the guy's hand on her boob, completely grind up into his lap, etc. This completely crosses the line for me!! And what makes it even worse, is that my fiancee KNEW what kind of club this was

 

I think the OP made it more than clear it was more than a girl in a bikini bouncing on his lap for a few minutes.

 

This sounds very gross to me too, and the fiancé know how she felt about him getting that type of "dance". It's sexual activity.

 

One really positive thing you have here, is a partner that tells you the truth even when he knows you aren't going to like it. So bear that in mind while you mull over this, and when you speak and react.

 

I don't think he's so swayed by the masses(his friends), but rather it was just a lame-o attempt at blame shifting to quell some of your anger. They very well may have been insistent, but he's still got his own mind and ultimately, he went with it. That part would irritate me out of all of this, because it's just so 7th grade after school special.

 

This makes a lot of assumptions too. Often people who cheat/lie/betray don't come clean all at once. We don't know for sure what if anything he held back from OP.

 

But yes, I agree he did this of his own free will. I can understand what the OP is so upset by this, and it's childish for him to blame his friends for his decision.

[Unreasonable]

I'm sure if she wanted the gory details, he'd provide every embarrassing one. I don't think that will be necessarily productive though because I think this more of a big picture issue than a "how many moles did the stripper have on her ass?" issue. Really not seeing the forest through the trees here imo.

[annie24]

Well, I think everything comes back to the fact that she has 3 choices:

 

1) accept the situation and move on

2) postpone the wedding while they work on issues

3) cancel the wedding.

 

she might also have a 4th option - get a prenup that says if he chooses to get another lap dance, she gets $10,000 automatically. Per lap dance. I don't know. I'm sure that there are prenups out there with clauses for cheating and what the consequences are.

[Iggles]

annie24 is right. What's done is done. OP has to decide how she would like to move forward.

[JustWishing]

Doesn't sound to me as if he runs off to marry the stripper any time soon. LOL He was honest with you and everything else seems to be just right for you two.....so... if I were you I'd let it go.