Why being shy and unattractive sucks!

ShySoul · February 28, 2005

Sorry, thats bad advice. The asking the girl out part is could but not the idea that you need to stop being a nice guy and create "sexual tension." You don't make a compliment and then take it back. That shows that you never really meant the compliment to begin with or if you did that you would be mean enough to take it back and say something hurtful. If your going to make a compliment it should be honest and from the heart. You wouldn't take something from the heart back like that for the sake of teasing or creating tension. Tension isn't a good thing, odds are its going to backfire and blow up in your face. You might think that your not saying anything mean, but most people would probably take it as being mean. Just be honest, the truth is always the best way to go. Make a compliment because you really believe what you are saying, not because your playing a game or trying to impress someone.

ShySoul · February 28, 2005

Oh God, it's all so much effort isn't it? Let's all become nuns instead. We can found your own convent and tell people we're married to Jesus. Or monks...maybe monks is a better idea.

Good idea corvidae. Where do I sign up?

Really, it shouldn't be work. Relationships and love should be fun and enjoyable. When it becomes something that feels more like a job, you are missing out on the point. That's why I say don't worry about. When you stop thinking about it and not feel like you have to put in such an effort, you can concentrate on simply living and enjoying your life. Opportunites will present itself and then you have to be willing to take advantage of that opportuinity.

al7 · February 28, 2005

Hm. Ok, here is that girl who gets compiments by dozens every day.

Now you came and made an honest compliments. and what will happened?

Since she already have 5461 comliments for today your 5462 honest compliment is being thrown into a trash bin. Simply put: she is fed up with guys who compliments her. She wants... somehting new, sombody

who can win her attention in different way, for example but taking that comliment back: showing he is not EXTREMELY intersted in her, but doesnt mind talking.

Why would you want to be 5462nd guy who does same boring thing for her, I dont know... maybe I am wrong: is it your personal experience: you walk up to a cute girl, compliment her .. and won her attention just by doing that? If she is not cute, sure she'll like you anyway...

ShySoul · February 28, 2005

The way to differentiate yourself from everyone else who pays her compliments is not by being rude and taking the compliment back. You show you are different in the way you say it. Most of those compliments she gets are probably equivalent to a pick up line, superficial and meaningless. But if you are sincere and its from the heart, that will come through. She will aprreciate your honesty, your kindness, and the fact that you aren't just saying something because you think its what she wants to hear. I've yet to meet a girl who dosn't like an honest, heartfelt compliment. What she would be fed up with is not the compliment, its the guys who use the compliments as a way to get to her.

In my experience, you need to get rid of the whole notion of winning someone's attention. You don't make someone pay attention to you. You should be you, compliment and be nice becasue it is the right thing to do, and if the two of you hit it off then thats good.

When you say, "if she is not cute, sure she'll like you anyway..." I think you should reconsider what you are saying. Everyone is cute in their own way.

MetallicAguy · February 28, 2005

Definitely agree with al7. Maybe it doesn't work with all women, but it does with stuck-up women, or women who get a lot of attention. It's kind of more made for teens and 18- maybe 20 year old people.

al7 · February 28, 2005

1. It raises a lot of questions. For example a sincire compliments might be" Oh.. you got such beautiful, full sexy lips!!!" If you say that to a female starnger there would not be that many scenarios: she frozes completely (which is most likely), she slowly runs away or smack you with "How dare you?"

Even more likely outcome she says "Thank you" and turn slowly turn around. if she is cute (for most men ok?) she has heard that a thousand times already...

2. Sounds good. I agree. So we are better off not saying ANY compliments. I am serious.

3. Dating is a market. Someone who is not cute doesnt get many date and would be happy to any kind of compliment or just your attention.

I meant "cute" in a way most people recognize...like having a cute, pretty face for example.

Sure "Everyone is cute in their own way" but thats not what I meant.

al7 · February 28, 2005

Maybe it doesn't work with all women, but it does with stuck-up women, or women who get a lot of attention. It's kind of more made for teens and 18- maybe 20 year old people.

What the heck.. you think someone older than 20 is not a humona being anymore? If a girl has an average to pretty looks, she ahs already heard many many compliments from strangers. She waits for somthign... different (as was discussied above). If she is not cute (for most men),

you may not want to talk to her in the first place...

MetallicAguy · February 28, 2005

Sorry didn't know what I was thinking. I hate it when I get those brain freeze things lol. But yeah again I agree with what you had to say about it. But see, I was only wrong because I was applying it to all women. Basically all women in my terms is the average- good looking ones lol. Well maybe it's because of my age but, all the people I hang around with (friends) go for average- good looking ones as myself. Kind of shallow but I don't care

Caldus · February 28, 2005

Sorry didn't know what I was thinking. I hate it when I get those brain freeze things lol. But yeah again I agree with what you had to say about it. But see, I was only wrong because I was applying it to all women. Basically all women in my terms is the average- good looking ones lol. Well maybe it's because of my age but, all the people I hang around with (friends) go for average- good looking ones as myself. Kind of shallow but I don't care

I think most guys are like that. I know I'm like that. I'm somewhat shallow and I admit it. But I would definitely go for the average looking one if she had a better personality than the real good looking one.

al7 · February 28, 2005

Sorry didn't know what I was thinking. I hate it when I get those brain freeze things lol. But yeah again I agree with what you had to say about it. But see, I was only wrong because I was applying it to all women. Basically all women in my terms is the average- good looking ones lol. Well maybe it's because of my age but, all the people I hang around with (friends) go for average- good looking ones as myself. Kind of shallow but I don't care

I think most guys are like that. I know I'm like that. I'm somewhat shallow and I admit it. But I would definitely go for the average looking one if she had a better personality than the real good looking one.

What are you guys are talking about? Going for a pretty girl is shallow??
What I mean is you see a pretty girl and you go for her: approach, talk to her...if you like her ask her out\number etc etc.
This is what you guys call SHALLOW? This is normal.

ShySoul · February 28, 2005

"You've got such beautiful, full sexy lips" isn't sincere, that sounds like a lame and cheesy line. Saying, "You've got a pretty smile" is much more sincere. Using words like "full" and "sexy" give the impression that you are looking for a date or more, which signals questions as to your intentions. But casually saying someone has a nice smile and talking about other things is simply paying a nice compliment and not giving the impression that you are after anything else. Agreed, she probably has heard lines about her "sexy lips" but how often does she get a genuine compliment about her smile? Or better yet, talk to her first and then compliment her on her intelligence. There's something she probably doesn't hear as often.

Your good to say compliments as long as they are honest and from the heart. The problem comes when you overdo it or try to hard to say something impressive. Then you are not giving compliments for the sake of being nice, you are giving compliments to impress people.

I mean the same thing when I say someone is cute. Take any girl and there will be someone out there who thinks she is cute. There is no set criteira for what makes someone cute. Just because you might not think someone is attractive physically, doesn't mean I wouldn't. It doesn't matter if most people would find you cute or how many dates you get. What matters is that just one person finds you attractive, on the inside and out. Dating isn't a market. People aren't products to be bought, sold, or traded. And even using that analogy, the products that are most successful are the ones who know what they are and do what they do best. The flashy ones that promise too much get tried once and discarded for something more reliable. So the game players who try to get girls to like them will end up discarded for the nice, caring guys who know who they are and stick with it.

Caldus · February 28, 2005

Sorry didn't know what I was thinking. I hate it when I get those brain freeze things lol. But yeah again I agree with what you had to say about it. But see, I was only wrong because I was applying it to all women. Basically all women in my terms is the average- good looking ones lol. Well maybe it's because of my age but, all the people I hang around with (friends) go for average- good looking ones as myself. Kind of shallow but I don't care

I think most guys are like that. I know I'm like that. I'm somewhat shallow and I admit it. But I would definitely go for the average looking one if she had a better personality than the real good looking one.

What are you guys are talking about? Going for a pretty girl is shallow??
What I mean is you see a pretty girl and you go for her: approach, talk to her...if you like her ask her out\number etc etc.
This is what you guys call SHALLOW? This is normal.

al7, people are all shallow to a certain degree. We all walk past people who would in reality be good for us but we overlook them because of little things. It could be something as little as their height or the clothes they're wearing, etc. You make it seem like being even a little shallow is a bad thing. It's not. It's our nature.

ShySoul · February 28, 2005

MetallicAguy,

If it works with women who are stuck up are those the kind of girls you really want to be with? Thing is, if its made for people who are shallow, then its not going to work out in the end. Why waste your time with something that you know is going to end badly? I know that most people are shallow, but that doesn't mean we have to give in and be the same way. Stick to your principles and show people the right way to act. Live as though the world was as it should be, to show it what it can be. I understand your young and that people at that age really have no clue about relationships or what love really is. Most people don't at any age. But don't think that you have to buy into what the majority of people say or do.

Mun · February 28, 2005

I'm surprised that not many women have posted on this topic. Do the ladies not think that being shy and unnattractive sucks?

I think the best way to compliment a pretty girl is to not go for the obvious thing about her looks. Instead compliment her boots or her blouse, ask her where she got it.. that kinda thing. It will start a conversation( usually) and it won't feel as awkward as telling her " you are beautiful/ have a nice smile/ nice eyes" because you will be complimenting her but indirectly and you will be showing interest in her.

The thing that guys don't get is that we women will usually become more interested in a guy who shows interest in us. I don't know how to explain that any better...sorry if you don't understand it.

One thing I do want to remind you is not to be afraid of women. We are human just like you are and we aren't perfect. It's ok to be shy, but don't let it consume you and keep you from getting out there. I know .. easier said than done, especially when your self-esteem is low because of past rejections.

I hope you guys keep on trying because nobody wants to date a bitter person. Becareful with that.

Corvindae : whoever told you that you were ugly-- lied to you. Same to you al7.

al7 · February 28, 2005

1. It might be lame and cheesy in the sense it show too much interest.

But it is SINCERE! It is what I feel.

2. It souunds a pure cliche...looks like a guy open a tin can and get a compliment out of it: all guys say they. All girls heard that a million times.

Try that online, it is a sure sign you are boring... "another guy".

I have no idea why you think it would be sincere: I like her sexy lip, smile is good, but hip are far more attractive and sexy. I should not say that?

al7 · February 28, 2005

1. I guess what you imply is women like INDIRECT interes much more than any direct interests. Dont say what you really feel, just pretend you like something that is not really important "I like you dress, dog, boots.. etc etc". It is really hard for a guy to like her boots, why would he care...

He cares about her lips, legs, thighs.. but no. no no no, there is a ban saying such direct things. Oh well. We have to "play" in dating, saying what we have to say according to our roles, not what we really feel.

How sad.

2. I dont know, I was told approaching women you dont know is not a good idea at all. Hmmm

3. I guess we just lack skills in dealing with women.

al7 · February 28, 2005

What are you guys are talking about? Going for a pretty girl is shallow??
What I mean is you see a pretty girl and you go for her: approach, talk to her...if you like her ask her out\number etc etc.
This is what you guys call SHALLOW? This is normal.

al7, people are all shallow to a certain degree. We all walk past people who would in reality be good for us but we overlook them because of little things. It could be something as little as their height or the clothes they're wearing, etc. You make it seem like being even a little shallow is a bad thing. It's not. It's our nature.

I believe that if you approach a cute girl, it is not shallow at all.

It is really how you feel about her.

Shallow is when you personally dont like her, but think you friends\parent would envy you.

al7 · February 28, 2005

1. If it works with women who are stuck up are those the kind of girls you really want to be with? Thing is, if its made for people who are shallow, then its not going to work out in the end. Why waste your time with something that you know is going to end badly? I know that most people are shallow, but that doesn't mean we have to give in and be the same way.

2. Stick to your principles and show people the right way to act. Live as though the world was as it should be, to show it what it can be. I understand your young and that people at that age really have no clue about relationships or what love really is. Most people don't at any age. But don't think that you have to buy into what the majority of people say or do.

1. You tried online dating? Since women there receive so many "application for a bf" they are forced to be stuck up.

And recently I was told that approach girls I dont know "random girls"

is not agreat idea. Ha. Then, the whole dating world is stuck up.

2. It sounds good, you can stick to the principles if you have infinite patience and infinite life span. I am sure most people don't.

Mun · February 28, 2005

Come on Al7 I'm sure alot of guys like breasts and butt, but I don't think its a good idea to tell a woman you really like her breasts.. yes it's honest.. but don't go there if you want to talk to her for more than 2 minutes. Edit; unless she is YOUR girl.

I'm not saying be fake and fake an interest in her boots. I'm saying be different and take an interests in her. I'm sure she probably went around the shoe store a few times and tried on several pairs before she picked the one she liked... same with the clothes. You compliment her choice of shoes you are complimenting her and you are showing an interest.

If she is pretty then she has probably heard the cat calls and all the lines in the book. Don't you want her to notice you back? Then be a little more original. Just tell her she has nice boots.. what will it hurt? you might even get her number.

Sure guys can give each other wonderful advice, but in this case I think the best advice would be that from a woman.. we know what we like to hear, we know what we notice about what men say. You are trying to get a WOMAN after all... If I wanted to know about cars I would go to a mechanic and if he didn't tell me what I want to hear I would go to another one, but I wouldn't go to a painter for the same information.

al7 · February 28, 2005

Nice boots-nice boobs

Yes, you are right..it is too much.

I was just tryin to make a point: we should not call that sincere then.

Just a compliment. Shysoul was insisting to sincere.. if I have to play,

I dont call my play sincere, I call it a play.

By the way, is it that really bad to approach girls I dont know?

Is it true women do not like to be approached by strangers?

Mun · February 28, 2005

Oh this is going to get complicated.

I think if you approach a stranger in a non-threatening way it will go smoother. Just make a comment about something depending on where you are. The compliment would be better once you get to talking... if you do....it's a coin toss you know. Sometimes when I've been approached I'll respond, other times I just smile back and go about my business.

Kyoshiro Ogari · February 28, 2005

Oh this is going to get complicated.

I think if you approach a stranger in a non-threatening way it will go smoother. Just make a comment about something depending on where you are. The compliment would be better once you get to talking... if you do....it's a coin toss you know. Sometimes when I've been approached I'll respond, other times I just smile back and go about my business.

It's funny, today I asked the advice of a female friend, because I am trying to approach someone who I see often but do not know. She said that I should hold off the compliments about her beauty, which she said is a virtual no-no.

AzureSkyes69 · April 8, 2005

Corvidae...

I think you need to come to America ...

the women don't seem to appreciate you in the U.K.

I think you are very HOT!! and I am not joking at all.

Seriously maybe it is the vibes you are sending otherwise I don't

get it.

I would love to have a boyfriend that looked like you and you seem super smart & nice as well.

Have more confidence in yourself hon and you will project that on to others..If all else fails smile

Maybe the women you have come in contact are attracted to you

thay just might just be shy and think they might not have a chance with you.I might think that if I met you for you have the kind of looks I am attracted to..but I would talk to you even though I would be scared(I have shyness issues as well,to a point)

AzureSkyes69 · April 15, 2005

this is me

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another picture

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Caldus · April 15, 2005

this is me
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another picture
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Hot. 8)

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