martin89z Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 So i dated a girl about 1year, she pushed the relationship really fast, I could feel she was closed off a little emotionally. First 6 months was beautiful, but then suddenly things start going wrong.. She started contacting her ex.. ofcorse I was frustrated about that, more often we start quarrel.. we got broke for one month but then she come back, says she misses me and so.. okey, things was good for now, on New year i was introduct with her family, they as wery happy about us, and wished all good things to us.. after 3 days i get sms from her.. She said that she actually dont love me and we need to broke up, but she wants be friends with me.. I was shocked about what happened, i really loved her, and unfourtunately still love.. 3 month r now from break up, last week i saw on facebook that she and her ex is both at vacation together.. Looks like they together again, and i am nothing more than rebound guy.. I feel so bad, and i cant move on, just cant.. i need some advice.. Link to comment
Clinton Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Accept you'll feel like crap for a while. Cut all contact and move on. Do not remain friends. You got used. It's a crappy thing to do to another human being. But you will recover in time. Hang in there. Link to comment
martin89z Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 i didnt talk about my feelings with nobody, im that person who always keep in my self all pain and dark feelings.. 3 month is quite long time after break up, but i feel like nothing changed.. i feel same like at breakup day one.. Link to comment
Clinton Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Three months is no time at all. It takes a lot longer usually. Hang in, it gets better slowly. If its really bad, get counseling. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 ""So i dated a girl about 1year, she pushed the relationship really fast, I could feel she was closed off a little emotionally"" . .just reinforces the lesson some of us need to learn. Be leery of anyone trying to fast track you. It often has nothing to do with you but more an attempt to numb a feeling. I am sorry. . that surely must hurt. Hang in there. Link to comment
Avro1986 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I can relate. My ex dumped me in January. We had been dating for 3 months. At first, she made me feel extraordinary by praising how good I was... I was naive to believe it. Then, I started having problems with school and fought about feeling neglected, and her "deep love for me" (as she put it) faded fast. She dumped me saying that I had anger issues and she needed to focus on her career. I agree with "reinventyourself": lesson learned. Be VERY careful about people trying to fast track you. We were talking about having kids and a house! Now that I look back, I laugh. lol I remember when we first met, she said that she wanted a relationship that could lead to marriage. Each time she said that, apparently, the guys were running for the hills. I was the retard who didn't run. haha Now I know better. Seriously, people can be callous/selfish and make the required mental gymnastics to justify what they did. My psychologist told me that you should let the person prove to you that they deserve you by their actions. In fact, you should have a large "sample set" of actions to go further. Words are cheap. Link to comment
Jewels7 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 3 months is such a short time. I was still a basket case 3 months after my BU. I'm finally feeling better now and it has been almost a year. Link to comment
larthur1 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 F*****g re-bounders! So selfish because they are a coward and don't want to deal with their own hurt they add more to the ex and add a new person into the problem as well. So, so selfish. Multiply a problem by 3 because they are too immature/insecure to deal with it healthily. Her ex is a fool to take her back because she will do it again, don't be surprised if she comes calling in a few months with the same problems. I also hate to say it man but she don't love you or the ex, she doesn't even love herself. Don't touch it with a bargepole and move the hell on quick. Cut contact completely. She is an energy vampire and will drain your soul!!!! "So i dated a girl about 1year, she pushed the relationship really fast, I could feel she was closed off a little emotionally. First 6 months was beautiful, but then suddenly things start going wrong.. She started contacting her ex.." I hate to say it as well man but your situation is so text book rebound its frightening. Needs to be added to a case study or something. Hopefully you will take something away from this and be a little bit wiser if you get presented with the same problem again. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I make a point to sniff out whether how recent their last relationships was and how they handled it. They often don't let on. . because if they did they would know we might know better then to get involved with them. The very fact they may hide information shows they know on some level they aren't over their ex. I asked one guy straight up if he was rebounding. . he was very needy and had all the signs. `Oh no' he said. What he didn't share was that he was overlapping us. . ugh. It's a difficult lesson I've learned the hard way. Now I steer clear!! Link to comment
martin89z Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 She said exactly same thing Avro1986, that she wanted a relationship that could lead to marriage.. She was talking about children that she wants after 2 years.. and she moved to my apartament like 3 weeks after we started dating.. that was too fast, i know.. But it was not a problem, with time i start fall in love with her, that was my biggest mistake.. what hurts me the most is that she was unable to dump me face to face.. just pathetic sms.. after that i never seen her again. I wrote to her several times , trying to find out why it happened.. she only said that does not love me anymore, but wants to be friends , do not want to lose me as a person.. At the end , I wrote that respect your choice , and maybe someday we can be friends , but not now.. she made no reply.. I have no contact after that with her, and she also.. Last week seen on shes Facebook that she and her ex have a nice vacation in Egypt.. then I realized that I have completely lost their.. painful is the fact that she knew how much I love him, but she chose her ex.. Link to comment
okiedokiestomp Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 the best thing you can do is to accept that it is over and stay no contact with her. She broke things off to return to her ex, so there is no reason to be friends with her. Don't accept a downgrade to friendship, it will never work anyways. Make a clean cut and focus on yourself; work out, hang with friends, explore passions/hobbies, date when you are ready to, but, do not ever contact her again. Accept that it will be hard for a while and give yourself leeway that you are mourning the death of a relationship. this from Avro1986 says it all, but, is a hard lesson to learn "My psychologist told me that you should let the person prove to you that they deserve you by their actions." Don't be so quick to give the benefit of the doubt to someone, especially when they consistently show you they deserve otherwise by their actions. Look at their actions not so much their words. I wish I would've learned this a lot earlier, would've save me some pain and disheartment..also, make sure your expectations are grounded in reality not fantasy being projected on the other person. Very often we ignore red flags b/c we look to their "potential" when reality s/b based on their actions. Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 i will just add that you should consider not looking at her facebook/twitter/instagram and whatever else is out there. Link to comment
No1 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Keeping your feelings in will do a lot of physical damage to you. Regardless of how you were brought up, or what you were taught or this is not how a man thinks or whatever, keeping feelings in will hurt you more than the break up. You were used.. thats the easiest way to say it. But you had a wonderful time. You have good memories you can take with you. It just didnt work out not because you did anything wrong but because your X was never over her X and its not your fault. I know its hard.. you will get over this.. you will be happy again Link to comment
relevart Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Three months is actually the blink of an eye. It's barely 37% of an NBA basketball season. It's a trimester in a pregnancy. 1/4 of a calendar year. It's a season of nature. Some people go longer than that without a hair cut. For most bands today, three months is less than a third of the time they take to record a CD. Some threads on ENA are active for three months. Should I keep going? Give yourself time to heal, but not a time limit. It's different for everyone. Link to comment
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